Dear Craig,

Oh, dearie dear. There's that blue shirt again. Every time you wear that shirt, your blue eyes sparkle and shine more than any man's should. Might I suggest that you reserve those shirts for when we're out dining? Good. Thank you.

Monologue: The Japanese competitive hamburger eating champion beat the American champ. Eating competitions didn't exist in Scotland. There wasn't enough to eat. You just tried to avoid rickets.

Who comes up with the names for diseases and such? Rickets sounds more like a fence than a medical condition. So does herpes. Actually, herpes sounds more like the name of a clown. Herpes the Clown! Doesn't that sound fun?

The 67 hamburgers downed by the Japanese eater sounds a bit much. I can't even imagine! I could maybe eat two, but anything more is asking for trouble. Seriously, there's a major possibility of something rather explosive if I dare tried.

There was the clever play on words with the breakfast/brunch and dinner bit. "Yule Brinner". Don't even ask. Sometimes you just have to see or hear something for yourself.

"I'm making a curry for Thanksgiving this year. Not turkey, though. Turkey's a dry bird, almost sarcastic." Absolutely the best line for the night!

The Hollywood Madam, Heidi Fleiss (who frightens me for so many inexplicable reasons), is opening a brothel for women. "Her first employee", Nate, joined you on stage. It was a funny bit. Nate talked about how his mom was a "lady of the night", not a hooker. He always aspired to work in the industry, just like mom. However, the interview process was a bit intense. But, it wasn't the first time Nate worked as a play toy for women. According to him, he was on the amateur circuit for years and is finally excited to be in the pros now.

First guest: Jerry O'Connell, from Crossing Jordan and the new Yours, Mine, and Ours. You know what bothers me most about that movie? Other than the fact that it's bound to be a piece of crap, I mean. O'Connell's supposed to be Rene Russo's boss in the flick. At first I thought he was supposed to be her son. The clip that was shown made it look that way, but he's not. He's her boss. I still don't buy it. He still looks too young to be playing someone's boss.