What is your book about?

My book is narrative nonfiction. My granddaughter was stillborn after a full term healthy pregnancy and normal labor. My normal reaction to despair is research, and when I searched I found very little info on grandparent grief. Grandparents were viewed as support to their bereaved child, but not recognized as mourners.

The book started with some of my journal entries and evolved from there. I explore theoretical models of grief as well as talk about society's lack of validation. I quote several other bereaved grandparents as well as several leading experts in the bereavement field. I talk about caring for self, relating to surviving grandchildren, maintaining a connection with and ways to remember the deceased grandchild, as well as explore the many roles of grandparents in today's society. There is an extensive bibliography, both of printed material and internet resources/agencies, etc., specializing in grief and pregnancy/infant loss.

What has been the reaction of the book from your family?

The only family members who knew I was writing the book were my son and his wife, the couple whose baby was stillborn. They encouraged me through the entire process. I told the rest of my family when Booklocker was actually publishing my book. They were stunned. They have all told me how proud they are that I did this. I haven't received any negative feedback at all.

Could you go over the stages of grief - are different for grandparents?

My book goes into great detail about the traditional stages of grief, however, modern theorists are moving away from this and acknowledging that grief is really a lifelong process. Grandparents have the additional burden of seeing our child in so much pain, knowing that this is the one thing we can't make better, while also mourning our grandchild.

In the process of writing your book, did you heal your own grief?

One of the issues I discuss in my book is that there really is no endpoint to grief, especially grief of this nature. Writing the book was how I did my grieving, but I wouldn't say that it healed my grief. Writing has always been cathartic.

What kind of research did you do for the book?

I did a great deal of research once I started writing. I have done bereavement counseling and taught bereavement workshops so I have a firm grounding in grief theory. I contacted several large support organizations with online newsletters and requested that they post my request for bereaved grandparents who were willing to be quoted about their experience of grief.

During my research, I came across many articles and works that touched me, and I contacted the publisher or author for permission to quote. Probably the most validating experience I had during the background process was that every single therapist/author/counselor I contacted with requests for permission to quote from their writing granted permission; each and every one included a personal statement in their response saying how valuable and how needed my book is. That also helped spur my decision to self-publish.