Learning to live with chronic pain can be frustrating, exhausting, exasperating and heartbreaking, for patients as well as their relational partners and families.

The person with pain may not feel supported and harbors extreme guilt about not contributing to his or her relationship. The other half of the couple might openly question severity of illness. Even the most sensitive partners are weighed down at times.

Going from participating to feeling like a burden, the pain sufferer in a couple may not be able to work, help around the house, take care of children, run errands, go on vacation, spend time with friends, or engage in many of the other activities of his or her former life. The healthy partner may have to provide care, pick up the slack at home and with friends, and support the family financially.

Add to these factors short tempers arising from stress and even the happiest relationships are strained.

Chronic Pain and the Family, by Julie K. Silver, MD, explores the issues facing couples (as well as children and extended family) who have to deal with one person's illness. The author offers suggestions for each person in the couple to repair the relationship. She shares many additional sources to help couples.

The book also explains the debility associated with chronic pain and the havoc it wreaks on people in pain. For all pain sufferers who lament, "My husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't understand what I'm going through" — and their partners — this is a great place to start improving your relationship.
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