For a long while, I've wanted to write about the resident scary animal on our block, who I lovingly refer to as the Evil Parrot. I've resisted writing so far because I didn't think anyone would believe my tale. My sound file is proof the Evil Parrot exists.

The Evil Parrot is one of those huge jobs whose body is about the size of a small dog, and feathers/wings stretch down to the height of a small child.

The owners of Evil Parrot aren't too friendly. The woman is a lumpen fifty something with greasy stringy hair and bad posture. She likes to wag her finger at the kids, and the spare flesh on her arm jiggles when she does it. One of her eyes wanders.

The man I've never seen. There's a large upholstered chair big as a tank right beyond the door. I can only see the man's huge stomach and mountainous legs as he watches a very loud TV. He doesn't get involved with any dramas outside in the yard.

The woman sets the parrot outside in a small tree, and lurks behind the banisters on the porch to warn the children, "Don't come too close! The parrot bites!"

They didn't have to tell my daughter twice, but some of the other kids like to flirt with danger and try to touch it. Some of them throw rocks at it.

Evil Parrot reminds me of some of the scary animals from my youth. In my case, it was a big dog that ran loose in the neighborhood. It never bit anyone, but it would run up to children and snarl. Eventually the pound took it away. It was probably only in the neighborhood half a summer, but at the time it felt like a serial killer had invaded our block. I was afraid to go outside.

The Evil Parrot makes me not want to go outside, too. I have to keep all my windows closed when the bird is out. The bird's speech is haunted. It mimics the sound of children at play, and it's cries sounds like the devil's children. The screeches of children living in a tortured reality right on the other side of an alternate plane of existence pierces my calm. Listen to the bird and see what you think.

Link to parrot sounds