We are talking severe consequences here, Albert. There may be cannibalism.

GA: Eek! I submit! I SUBMIT! I fear your monkey wrath more than Bin Laden. If you insist on persuasion and negotiation, perhaps we can give the people some limited opportunity to voluntarily choose the inevitable.

If you wish to make this process of establishing our rulership a Socratic dialogue, we can certainly argue a good case for Jack White the philosopher-king. That should be easy.

And if that doesn't work, I've arranged for a seven nation army to do the right thing and install Jack as El Presidente.

Without further ado, Al and the Monkey present:

"Seven Nation Army"
Elephant, 2003

GA: Yes, Jack White is a bold visionary political statesman. "Seven Nation Army" provides the blueprint for the revolution. Every revolution needs a blueprint. Mao wrote the classic little red book, and Jack White wrote "Seven Nation Army."

Yeah, Mao was pretty successful with his little book, but if he'd had a marching beat like the bassline that Jack dredged up from his inner ubermensch here, them Chi Coms would have marched right across the Pacific and actually captured Pearl Harbor instead of just blowing it up. We'd have been in serious trouble. Fortunately, glam was still decades away. Strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras.

Breaking down that White Stripes voodoo, Elephant was their British album, recorded in England and showing a lot of English influence. Looking at Jack's genius through that frame, he led his album with a classic 70s glam slam that Marc Bolan would have been proud to claim for T Rex.

LM: Indeed, Elephant is the "British" album, as English as bangers and mash. But "Seven Nation Army" proceeeds carefully; the White Stripes start out slowly, with what sounds like a heavy bass line (but which actually comes courtesy of a seven string guitar handled with technical finesse). But it's slow, repetitive, simple — a toned down sound that is familiar to fans who've heard Jack and Meg's eponymous debut, De Stijl, and White Blood Cells. The guitar resonates, solo, and then Meg comes in with the drums and the song builds from there. The vocal slips in, measured, musical spoken word. Meg adds an extra layer to the beat, and then the song builds to a crescendo that is in fact reminiscent of the best of glam rock.

It's a neat trick, effectively bridging Elephant with the albums that came before. The British influence has always been there, but subordinate to the blues and punk riffs. With Elephant, that balance is reversed, and "Seven Nation Army" is a masterful introduction to the change in tone.

LM: Though I'm not sure I agree about this song being the lynchpin of Jack's platform... no matter, we'll get there. I can feel our movement gaining support from this rational argument! Even a Nickelback fan could understand this, maybe. Isn't this better than killing and mayhem?

GA: No. When the people take power, Nickelback fans will be lined up against the wall and shot. Whining counterrevolutionary losers caught with Radiohead CDs will find themselves being re-educated at Gitmo. Then there's Abu Ghraib, or as it will soon be known, "Camp Mimi".

LM: Hush, you. I think Radiohead is okay, at least. But back to the topic at hand! This is indeed White Stripes Nation... or could be, even perhaps should be — and Al Barger and I are going to prove it to you, one song and one vote at a time. We will outline the influences that helped shape our beloved White Stripes, as well as their vast musical talents, presented across generations and outlooks. Al and I are pretty disparate individuals, and if we can agree to... well, agree, then perhaps everyone can!

GA: Does this mean our "people's committee" is accepting advice and consent from the blog community?