This Is White Stripes Nation
Published October 21, 2005
Therefore, martial law is hereby declared. A directorate of The People has taken over, and a new executive has been chosen.
We must have a real leader, someone with a track record of real achievement who could impart the required principles of leadership and tradition. On careful examination, The People see that there's only one person fit for the task, a man of achievement equal to the job- a man with a genuine sense of geometry and theology.
Jack White has been appointed El Presidente for Life...
Legendary Monkey: Al, honey, no. Haven't you realized yet that your fascist ways convince no one? We have to approach this democratically, using logic and reasonable debate. Folks, you just can't mind Al. They haven't invented a medication yet that we can feed the big fella.
GA: Democracy has been tried and it has failed miserably. What in the world makes you think that average imbeciles have enough sense to run a country? They don't have enough sense to pick out a record collection. Do you think that people buying Coldplay and Mariah Carey records have any business making life and death decisions for the nation?
LM: I see through your weak attempt at distraction, and will not allow my disdain for anyone who likes Coldplay to influence my belief in a basic democratic system. Fascism isn't going to make us any friends here.
GA: We don't have time in the current situation to hold their hands and sing Kum-Ba-Frickin-Ya- they need only submit. Surely you can see that the Bush regime is weak, an abject failure. I think we can certainly agree that President Bush must be taken out and put to the lash immediately.
LM: I've been telling you that for years. If you'd listen to anything I said for half a moment, you'd have been singing this particular tune back in the day when it was fresh. You're jumping on my bandwagon and you're distracting me.
Anyway, Jack White isn't going to be appointed to anything but my... I mean, we're going to have to elect him. Finis. We will present the truth of the brilliance of the candy cane duo, we will use your vast musical knowledge and my fuzzy charm to persuade, and we will rationally convince everyone that the White Stripes are the best big name band producing music today, and if you don't shut up about your junta, I am going to stuff my monkey's paw where the sun don't shine and clean out your backed up plumbing.
- This Is White Stripes Nation
- Published: October 21, 2005
- Type: Review
- Section: Music
- Filed Under: Music: Roots Rock, Music: Rock, Music: Punk Rock, Music: Indie Rock, Music: Blues, Music: Alternative Rock, Culture: Humor and Satire, Culture: Administrative
- Part of a feature: White Stripes Nation
- Writer: monkey2man
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Comments
as a black girl the white stripes to me are the best band out there i love jack white i never see him doing any interview on live tv
Diabolical! I love it.
I hardly ever see a live interview, either... and oh, would I love to have 10-12 on video just hanging around for me to soak up on rainy Saturday afternoons. There can never be enough White Stripes.
Hey Al, I am a Jack White disciple
myself. The White stripes do rule.
You have good taste (somewhat). Now
all you need to do in order to be
perfect in my eyes is to learn more
about black people.
I like your
style El Presidente!!! You were
born to write. I would buy a book
by you anyday. Back to Jacky boy,
what he did for Loretta Lynn was
truly amazing. I never really took
him seriously until after that.
As a African
boy who has a soft spot for any
kind of music that appeals to me
I appreciate your music reviews
You wait, Joe... in a week, we'll have you singing a different tune.
Al -- I sense the sweet smell of potential converts in the air! We'd better get to work!
MAF, thank you so much for your kind comments. Also, I hasten to add that White Stripes Nation is a post-colonial, post-racial land of union and harmony, open to people of all races, nations and creeds.
You must be a very lonely guy....sad fer yu...
why not go outside away from yer computer and see what the day brings?
You are too young to be this way.
dr. freud...
I don't really care if this is a joke or satire. This type of talk makes me sick. Yeah, I know the lines before you say them "The White House doesn't care hahahaha!"
Well, I guess we'll all be sitting in our chairs waiting to see if they do care, and come bust your doors down, and drag you fags out in pink P.J.'s.
I don't really think this administration cares if this is joke or satire. Lets just hope they don't kill you for Treason.
Yee-haw, there, Reported. Come and get me, coppers!
Also, if'n anybody wants to shoot me for treason, they'll have to get past by evil one-eyed coon dog first.
And Jack's seven nation army.
Also, a fair warning to the feds: I do NOT have pink PJs. I sleep in the nude. Consider yourselves warned!
The White Stripes suck...I pity myself for even responding to a stupid post like this but thought you should know that white stripes are gay and besides wouldn't Green day be a better choice for you faggots.
The final solutions is banning all laws and recycling all guns to return us to a mideval rennaisance so i could kill all of you with heavy metal....Whos with me?
I ove the White Stripes and I love T. Rex, but that sentence about Elephant leading off with "a classic 70s glam slam that Marc Bolan would have been proud to claim for T Rex" has me totally befuddled. What in the world is "glam" about "Seven Nation Army"? The song and the album have virtually nothing to do with that world in sound or sensibility.
That "OmlySMartPerson" was right! green day is better and the whole part about returning to the mideival ages was just...magical. I agree completely, we should change our government into a fuedal system.
Green Day's crowning achievement seems to have been recording an album's worth of punkpop Springsteen ripoffs.
Yep green day is that bad but they are still better than the white stripes, sadly.
Whitestripes are wife and husband... so how can they be gay?? I also thinik they are with the few still making some good rock music instead of commercial shit!
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Good stuff - quite diabolical