And can we talk about the fact that no small-time contractor with a house-wife and 3 kids to feed could ever afford such a huge old house, no matter how many people got whacked in it to drive the price down.

Now let's get to the horror. Cue the crickets please. Jodie is no longer a pig. She's... wait for it... a dark-eyed veiny ghostly little girl. Like that hasn't been overdone in the past few years. There are also a few quick strobe-like dream sequences. Some Silent Hill rip-offs like a dark figure on some sort of central podium in a very gothic looking room with fire and tortured people hanging from hooked chains. The scene with Jodie held to the ceiling by arms coming out of the wood could have been so freaky and yet it looks amateurish.

And I was wondering why the kid at the convenience store bagging my cheese curds and Dr. Pepper told me the movie was funny. The only thing missing from this movie was the shower scene. Yup, no hot chick suddenly decided she needed a shower. Oh and who knew that the underwater of lakes were so well lit? This was a surprise to me.

Like I mentioned earlier, when Michael Bay is involved you get unsurpassable image quality and richness. Anyone who's into imaging, photography and even home theater enthusiasts, knows that black is what it's all about. Because no matter how perfectly lit the image is, if the black output is rotten, it's going to look bad. Michael Bay understands this. He doesn't always understand good story-telling, but he gets the black. Every shot of this movie is gorgeous because of the perfectly balanced contrast and black toning. This amateur photographer just couldn't get enough of the imagery.

But that's all the movie has got going for it. The acting is average, the story is bleh! The characters are only mildly interesting. The soundtrack is unnoticeable. The DVD has mucho extras and a crap-load of previews. That's about it. Extras do not a good movie make.

This puppy gets a horrible 1 outta 5.