Bush Unveils New Terrorist Strategy
Published September 21, 2005
The FBI is looking for a few good men.
Dicks
need not apply.Osama is nowhere to be found so Bush pulls another fast one and declares war on porn.
Bush was recently quoted as saying:
"Heck, we gotta have a war we can win. It's good for the country's morale and makes me look busy".
Bush went on to add that America needs a diversion from Iraq and New Orleans, and so he decided porn was the logical choice:
| "The time has come to clean up the internet from pimple-faced terrorist geeks who have nothing better to do than gawk at air-brushed cyber-chicks and make fun of me in their blogs." |
Evidently the real impetus for Bush's change of strategy is his anger with bloggers. And this time he means business:
|
"We're gonna root them out, and attack all the ISP's that harbour them, and all those who have linked to them." |
Bush's bravado knows no bounds, and as if that weren't enough he went on further to say:
|
"We will smoke them out from behind their computers. We will capture their IP addresses dead or alive" said Bush. |
According to sources the FBI has even partnered with the RIAA and Disney because of their vast expertise in tracking down and prosecuting cyber criminals.
|
"Their days are numbered. If they think they can run and hide from the United States and our allies they will be sorely mistaken". |
Crikey. I don't know about you but I'm uninstalling Kazaa tonight! Here's a tip from the FISK. Call your broker right away and buy stock in Playboy magazine. Circulation should see an immediate and HUGE increase in size. Because size is everything.
| "I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."
"The FBI is joining the Bush administration's War on Porn. And it's looking for a few good agents. The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against "manufacturers and purveyors" of pornography — not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults." "Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, "it's a running joke for us." A few of the printable samples: |
Gosh I feel safer already!
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Would you believe it? As I was writing this piece the site went down.
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This article is provided courtesy of the daily FISK! All rights reserved.
chked:NB
- Bush Unveils New Terrorist Strategy
- Published: September 21, 2005
- Type: Satire
- Section: Politics
- Writer: Blog Bloke
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This was one of the funniest posts I've seen in ages. I stumbled on your blog and nearly pissed myself. I dunno how you do it. You post shit like this almost everyday? Don't you have a real job?? just kidding, keep up the good work champ! I hope you get discovered by saturday night live or something cause that show has turned into pure crap. It could use some help fisk style! ha ha!