It's just after six p.m. on the west coast, two hours before the Emmys start for us. I've been working on a project all day long so that I have uninterrupted time later.

I made the mistake of checking the TV listings on Yahoo and, without even the most subtle attempts to tease, there was the news. Suddenly, my surprise and enjoyment of the Emmys was stripped from my hands by a thoughtless headline.

I know who won the Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series Award.

Why did someone feel the need to spoil this for people living in other time zones?

They are cruel, mindless, thoughtless, uncaring, cold-hearted slugs for depriving me of my Emmy treats!

At the very least, Yahoo needs to withhold these stories. I don't give a rat's ass about their zealous need to provide breaking content. They need to be more sensitive to their readers from ALL over. Not just those on the east coast.

Yahoo doesn't care.

I'm gonna go to TV Guide to see what's on the rest of the night.

Arrrrrrgh! Now I know who the winner of Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series is.

Do these people not get it? There's more than one time zone in North America!

I'm demanding gag orders for reporters not living or reporting before the entire country has a chance to see the show for themselves. The next one to ruin it for me will be subjected to the most horrific of tortures. Yes, I will sing. Something by Celine Dion, too. Bwahahahahaha!

Eh, well, you try to come up with a better punishment.

Grumble, grumble, mutiny, mutiny.

We must start punishing the offenders. We must be firm in our resolve to keep them from ruining our entertainment! We must...

Screw it. I'm going back to watching Drake and Josh on TeeNick while I finish my work.