Before The Matrix (and after The Matrix Reloaded) my movie mantra was simple—no Keanu Reeves.

But, because I know you all depend on me for the straight dope re: comic book films, I subjected myself to Constantine. (The reviewer has asked for donations in lieu of flowers.)

Rachel Weisz plays a detective searching for the reason behind her twin sister's apparent suicide. Reeves' character shows up, visits her sister in Hell, drowns the detective, and tries to figure out why he's been attacked by an anthropomorphic swarm of insects.

If this thing were mashed potatoes, it'd include The Exorcist, Hellboy and some Grade-C film noir spuds mixed so long that they become gluey and inedible.

There's a lot of ominous whispering and nervous glancing, but not much else. The one plot twist is so obviously foreshadowed that by the end its really a plot turn of no more than three (+/- 2) degrees. I did however enjoy many of the scenes' compositions, but neat camera angles can only get you so far.

I've never read the source material (although by default it must be better than the movie), and I don't think I'll be getting around to it soon. As for future Reeves comic book films, you guys are on your own.

Mark Anderson is a professional cartoonist whose family cartoons and business cartoons appear in publications nationwide.
ed: JH