Ah, it's Friday and the alliteration runs smooth and swift as ambrosia. In a story too strange to be untrue, a female chimp at a Chinese zoo is addicted to cigarettes. Even more worrisome, since her long-time mate passed to the primate beyond, she has begun chain smoking at an alarming rate. The zoo keepers are worried for her health and, I'd imagine, the dangers of inhaling second-hand chimp smoke.

In a strange case of monkey see, monkey smoke, the chimp began smoking years ago by picking up butts left by tourists. My question: who gave the chimp a light?

According to the AP, the zoo keepers are trying to replace her smoke habit with milk. Milk? I'm not sure exactly what that is supposed to do other than make her terrifically angry. Why don't they try one of the many brands of nicotine patches? Or maybe they should just leave her alone. After all, they clearly didn't mind her picking up and establishing the habit to begin with. It all goes to show how close relatives we and the chimps really are: Like us, she embraces vices to find solace for her loss. At least she's not drowning her sorrows in alcohol... somebody fix her a drink.

[Article cross-posted at http://www.errantfool.com/2005/08/26/69/intervention-needed-for-chinese-chimp-chain-smoker/]