SATIRE

Air America ratings up 1,000,000% in Laurel, Indiana; Rush Limbaugh's lunch eaten

Written by Al Barger
Published August 05, 2005

So we have this new cat at Blogcritics nom de plume Balletshooz what is obviously proud of being a wingnut of the lefty variety. Howdy, and welcome aboard this Fair and Balanced Blogcritics ride. Ahoy, matey! I know somebody needs to balance me out, for one, though I'm not really even sure exactly on which plane I'm a wingnut. Probably Slim Pickens's bomber.

However, I have to call out Balletshooz for just plain damned embarassing foolishness for this whole ongoing series of articles on the supposed groundswell of support for the liberal Air America radio network. Specifically,

Air America Radio Making Huge Gains In Colorado

Air America Radio Up 140% in LA, Eating Up Rush Limbaugh's Audience

Air America Radio overtaking Rush Limbaugh in Florida

Now, perhaps these Air America posts are less hostile than the malicious and unsubstantiated attacks on John Roberts and Karl Rove among others, but they're big boys. Don't think Rove sits up nights worrying about what kind of rants any bloggers are posting.

Still, these clumsy, ham handed Air America rah-rah posts are just utterly ridiculous cheerleading. The lack of even any intention of reflecting real reality just jumps right out. They are all full of little tidbits of Arbitron ratings showing how Air America is "eating Rush Limbaugh's lunch." Let's assume for the sake of argument that these numbers are real, and not just as phony as some of Balletshooz' vicious attacks.

As Mark Twain famously said, there's lies, damned lies, and statistics. In reality, no significant number of people are listening to Al Franken et al. They're just not. But look, they're drawing 2% of the Latino homosexual listener demographic in Omaha in the 3am slot! They're up a billion percent!

In fact, Air America's ratings are up 1,000,000% in my hometown of Laurel, Indiana. This comes as a result of me watching five minutes of the Franken show on cable a couple of nights ago before getting bored and flipping to All in the Family. This took them from zero audience to one. From zero to one is a mathematically infinite percentage, so you can pick any number you want for that. I would have made the title "Air America ratings up 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000% in Laurel, Indiana," but my fingers got tired of typing the damned zeros.

Of course, the obvious point is that percentages of growth don't necessarily mean squat. A radio station going from 1 to 10 has just experienced 1,000% growth. Plus, of course this involves cherry picking a few carefully selected bits that look good for Balletshooz' team, ignoring the other 99% of stations and demos.

Meanwhile back in reality, Rush Limbaugh actually has 10s of millions of listeners every week. Al Franken, not to put too fine a point on it, does not. I wish Limbaugh had some serious competition from the left to motivate him and keep him honest, but he does not.

Look, I appreciate a good rant as much as the next guy. President Bush certainly needs a good daily cussin'. Limbaugh's got it coming, too.

Just try to keep it real my brothers.

Unreformed hawkish Hoosier hillbilly and sometimes candidate Al Barger runs the still squeezin' down the psychodelic Kentucky moonshine at MoreThings.com, what with the paranoid religious visions and the Pentacostal music and visions of God and Sarah Palin and anarchy running amok and such. Somebody oughta call the cops to report his out of control freedom of conscience. Till they come to take him away somewhere where he can't hurt anyone else, you can check out his weekly column of NEW ALBUM RELEASES.
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Air America ratings up 1,000,000% in Laurel, Indiana; Rush Limbaugh's lunch eaten
Published: August 05, 2005
Type: Satire
Section: Politics
Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire, Politics: U.S.
Writer: Al Barger
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Comments

#1 — August 5, 2005 @ 05:00AM — Dave Nalle [URL]

Amusing. Actually, the funniest part was the link to Balletshooz site - which claims to be a PAC - where he says that it's

"dedicated to helping elect candidates in federal, state, and local elections, who are libertarian or left-leaning and have a strong civil liberties record."

Does he know that left-libertarian is code for socialist/anarchist lunatic?

What he misses is that one of the things Libertarians value very highly is truth, and there sure isn't much truth in his postings - especially about Air America.

Dave

#2 — August 5, 2005 @ 07:02AM — Elderta

Yes, almost as ridiculous as the constant deluge of "AAR is going under!" postings on right-wing blogs. It's almost as if you...really really care!

#3 — August 5, 2005 @ 08:59AM — andy marsh [URL]

I always thought the radio was for music or morning show rants...but that's just me!

#4 — August 5, 2005 @ 09:01AM — gregrocker

Recent comment by Michael Harrison, Editor In Chief of "Talkers Magazine" which is the trade journal for talk radio: "It is clear that progressive talk radio is the growth segment of the industry right now."
Any of 700 pound pigs out there care to flatulate on that?
(OK, I apologize to pigs, since although the Surgeon General's report shows that morbid obesity is nearly 100% a red state phenomenon, not even a pig will eat itself to death - just a right wing American, scourge of nature and the whole world!)

#5 — August 5, 2005 @ 11:51AM — Balletshooz

Now Al, Im glad to see you have taken an interest in my blogs, but lets not blow things out of proportion. I provided links to all of my sources of info and I guessed you missed some of the other right wing posts:

"Air America steals from children"
"Air America embezzelment scandal"
"Al Franken seen eating a child on 4th street"
"Al Franken scratches his balls in public, MSM ignoring it."


Anyways there is a need to balance it out, dont you think? Maybe you need to settle down a little and go listen to some Air America Radio like everyone else. It might loosen you up.

#6 — August 5, 2005 @ 12:42PM — Lyle [URL]

Okay, here's the thing about Air America's ratings.

WE DON'T KNOW ENOUGH TO JUDGE ITS AUDIENCE PERFORMANCE. Period. Both sides.

1- The only publically available ratings are the general audience numbers that radio folk say is "meaningless" in juding a station's health or from radio station spokespersons, who probably have tweaked their presentation since none of us in the Joe Curious crowd are going to look through them. Both can tell us something, but they can't be credably cited as proof of anything because we just don't ever get to see the whole Arbitron picture.

(I will point out, however, that ratings growth is a big deal in radio. Radio audiences usually tune in out of habit. Yes, if you double your audience and still come in last place, you're still in last place, but the presumption in radio is that a lot of those listeners will stay -- keep in mind, too, that the Arbitrons are a rolling average, which minimizes the effect a curiosity factor can have on a station. This is especially significant when discussing new affiliates who, most likely, lost their entire audience.)

2- Ratings isn't really a sign of how healthy a radio station is, revenue is... and radio stations tend not to release that information. Ratings eventually lead to more revenue, but radio is a slow moving ship and it usually takes awhile for advertisers to change their spending patterns. Best we can do there is notice when there is more local advertisers when we listen to our local affiliates and notice when the station gets more promotional funds.

I've seen "both sides" (man I hate putting it that way) ignore whichever details get in the way of a predetermined conclusion. Overall, the trend for Air America looks positive to me, but I acknowledge that there's too many unknowns to say for sure.

Overall, I've liked Balletshooz's postings not because I've agreed with the conclusions but, hey, at least someone's talking the other side. Ever look around and realize how much the conservative blogs will post around the same story about WLIB's ratings (12+ numbers, of course) being flat and what a sign of doom that is?

#7 — August 5, 2005 @ 12:46PM — Temple Stark [URL]

>>So we have this new cat at Blogcritics nom de plume Balletshooz what is obviously proud of being a wingnut of the lefty variety.

Try not to call other Blogcritics names in public. Do you get it yet, Al? It invites other posts just ripping on other authors here and that;s only fun to boring and bored people.

#8 — August 5, 2005 @ 12:50PM — Balletshooz

I guess I'll have to cancel my next posting, entitled:

"Al Barger (L), for congress, poll numbers down 1,000,000%, Rush Limbaugh still eating"

#9 — August 5, 2005 @ 13:27PM — Matthew T. Sussman [URL]

That 'Satire' tag was the worst thing to happen to this site.

#10 — August 5, 2005 @ 14:20PM — Al Barger [URL]

Come on now Temple, this use of "wingnut" was very mild. It's not really "name-calling" at all, considering the collegial context. That is, I was also applying to myself as well.

I'm not "just ripping" here. Indeed I was not "ripping" at all. I'm going out of my way to be friendly and nice in my criticism. Also, compare the whole tone of this to ANY of Balletshooz' posts.

Matthew, what's your objection to the satire tag? I'm just wanting to make clear that I'm not claiming Arbitron numbers showing that Al Franken has become overlord of southeastern Indiana.

#11 — August 5, 2005 @ 14:26PM — DJRadiohead [URL]

I think I agree with Matthew. This is why I usually stay over in the music section. Fuck 'em both.

#12 — August 5, 2005 @ 14:50PM — Matthew T. Sussman [URL]

As satire, it just wasn't that good, Al. The headline made me smile a little when I clicked on it but after that it was sorely disappointing and sounded like an attack on Balletshooz (another guy I've criticized for bad satire) and his work.

And most of the time I see a satire tag on Blogcritics, it's not very good.

This weekend I'll post something about why satire writing isn't for everyone.

#13 — August 5, 2005 @ 15:03PM — Al Barger [URL]

Fair enough, Mr Sussman. The "satire" tag was questionable. It wasn't written in character like Swift's "Modest Proposal." I just didn't want my headline somehow mistaken for a news story.

It was not an attack on Balletshooz, but a fairly temperate literary criticism. I'm not harshing on him here at all. Just trying to keep it real.

Not labeled as such, but would you consider THIS legitimate satire?

#14 — August 5, 2005 @ 15:07PM — Eric Berlin [URL]

I found your piece a restrained effort, which both aided the satire and strengthened the point you were trying to make, Al.

I don't necessarily agree with your point, but I'm sure that won't keep you up nights along with your compadres Roberts and Rove.

#15 — August 5, 2005 @ 16:00PM — Dave Nalle [URL]

I agree that this might not be satire, but we don't have an 'irony' or 'sarcasm' tag.

My posts that I end up labeling 'satire' are almost always really 'sarcasm', because while humorous, they don't go the high-concept route required for satire. Of course with the exception of my Care Bears/Voodoo article.

Dave

#16 — August 5, 2005 @ 16:19PM — Al Barger [URL]

Thank you, Mr Berlin. I'm trying to play nice. Again, my point is not whether Rush is better, funnier, or more correct than the Air America crowd, but a critique of Balletshooz' argumentative tactics. I too would be happy to see Rush knocked down a peg commercially, but simply proclaiming it doesn't make it so.

Not that I'd loose sleep over a political disagreement, but I would be concerned if YOU thought I was out of line. You're all reasonable and friendly, even when you're dead wrong. Makes me a lot more likely to pay attention to your criticism.

#17 — August 5, 2005 @ 17:55PM — Lumpy

Air America has been on the air for a little over a year. In that time they have doubled the number of affiliate stations (30-something to 66 stations).

Maybe that's one of the lies, damned lies, and statistics?

Hope the injection of some facts helps the discussion... there were no facts in the essay.

#18 — August 5, 2005 @ 18:35PM — TC@LeatherPenguin [URL]

Here's a fact, Lumpy: the majority of those recently added stations are owned by Clear Channel, one of the right wing cabal Franken and Co. said they started the network to fight against.

When AAR calls them affiliates, they are not (surprise, surprise!) being exactly truthful in the matter. If it was called Air Franken, the only voice from their stable that is actually on every channel listed, that would be true. In Portland and Denver, the two markets where they actually are showing respectable numbers, the morning drive time slots are filled with local hosts (Thom Hartmann and Jay Marvin, respectively), who talk about local issues in addition to the "big" stories, which probably accounts for the better numbers, since morning drive is one of radio's bread and butter slots for generating ratings. The bulk of those "affiliates" pick some of shows (Franken, and at best two or three others) and fill the rest of the airtime with hosts local to that market, then Ed Schultz and other left leaning talkers.

But advertising them as affiliates of the Air America Radio Network is stretching the truth kinda thin. The only programming they share in common is Al.

#19 — August 5, 2005 @ 18:39PM — Lumpy

Whatever, they are in twice as many markets as they were a year ago. If that is considered failing, then I guess we have different definitions of failure.

I was recently in Seattle and they carried the entire Air America roster, except the morning show. Big deal if a station doesn't play every show, and plays other progressive shows like Ed Schultz instead. You're nit-picking. Air America is growing, not shrinking.

#20 — August 5, 2005 @ 20:33PM — TC@LeatherPenguin [URL]

You don't get it: Arbitron ratings are most influenced by two time slots: 1)morning and 2)afternoon drive.

The fact Seattle also tossed AAR's morning programming over the side shows the show has no legs at all and should be dumped. And on some of those "affiliates" Rhodes gets pushed aside to allow Ed Schultz to air live in the afternoon drive time, so she gets relegated to tape delay, which means no callers, which is talk radio's lifeblood for attracting listeners, which means audience erosion when her tape gets played, which means less local ad revenues....

If they had launched with a saner business plan, like producing one or two shows and marketing them coast to coast in a standard syndication style (as Hannity, Limbaugh and the like all do it), they would have been far better off.

But they were egomaniacally, arrogantly naive--make that "downright stupid"--about the arena they were entering. They announced they were going to program an entire days' airtime on stations they would own or fully control via leasing deals. They said they were going to BURY right wing talkers like Limbaugh and his brethren across every timeframe and eventually across the country, along with companies like Clear Channel and Infinity who broadcast him and his right wing cohorts, whose corporate control of so many stations was cutting "progressive" voices out of the talk radio conversation. And none of the people involved, from the back office to the microphone, had a lick of experience in radio, especially Franken, who acted like any schmuck could sit behind a microphone if he was just "smart enough, and people like me" and go toe-to-toe with Limbaugh, the guy who, whether you like him or loathe him, goddamned invented the idea of a nationwide talk radio show (and saved AM radio from irrelevance in the process).

They didn't just piss off right wingers, they pissed off radio pros by insinuating that any asshole with a wad of cash could succeed in talk radio.

Now they're in Clear Channel pocket and all their listeners for every station that carries any of their programming, combined, most likely doesn't match Rush's national audience all by his lonesome. Add in Hannity, that psycho Savage and O'Reilly and it's a slaughterhouse, with AAR's lifeless corpse flat on the floor.

Rhodes already was a pro. They should have taken whatever money they actually DID have back then, signed Franken and handed him over to an successful, experienced producer who could teach him how the game is played, and then marketed the hell out of those two.

I got no problems with lefty talkers; the more the merrier, as long as they are pros like Schultz and a few others. But Air Idiot (except for Rhodes) were and still are rank amateurs who deserve their ass beat like a red headed stepkid for thinking they were some Golden Wonders.

#21 — August 5, 2005 @ 21:35PM — El Bicho [URL]

This post is rather redundant. All your points appear in the comments of every article that Balletshooz writes, so the great revalation you think you are making isn't happening.

This should be in Politics and not just because it isn't funny, but because you are taking on a political writer.

You need more than a headline for it to be satire. If you wrote a piece where you spent the day with Balletshooz, who overestimated everything, then that would be satire. Actually it would be satrical, but that's a whole different kettle of peppers.

Lastly, I have to call you out "for just plain damned embarassing foolishness," Al, because watching the "Franken show on cable" wouldn't effect a radio station's ratings.

#22 — August 5, 2005 @ 21:53PM — RJ [URL]

LINK

Air America Radio is stuck in the ratings cellar

On March 31, 2004, Air America Radio, promoted as the liberal antidote to conservative-dominated talk radio, was launched with great fanfare.

Since then, it has generated headlines while losing some stations and picking up others. In April, it fired head writer Lizz Winstead, co-creator of Comedy Central's "Daily Show," who is suing for back pay. TV's Jerry Springer, who is mulling a run for governor of Ohio, is now in her slot.

Now that it's possible to compare ratings for this spring to last year's start-up, it's clear the network has yet to climb out of the cellar.

Air America's overall ratings, which rose initially after all the free publicity, faded before the November election and haven't recovered.

Still, it isn't yet time to call the coroner. "Air America is going to take a long time to grow ratings," said Michael Harrison, editor and publisher of the trade publication Talkers magazine. "People unfamiliar with our industry think ratings are like box-office receipts. But they're not. Radio ratings are slow to build.

"The network got an initial bump from the enormous amount of free press it got. There was a curiosity factor. Now, it is settling in."

Air America's programming is carried in part or in whole on 67 stations. Most are in smaller markets, such as Albuquerque, N.M., and Albany, N.Y. (Locally, it airs on KTNF-AM, 950.) The flagship show, hosted by author, former "Saturday Night Live" writer/comic and Minnesota native Al Franken, airs from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. weekdays.

Franken originally named his show "The O'Franken Factor" (now "The Al Franken Show") to tweak his archrival, populist pundit Bill O'Reilly, whose TV show "The O'Reilly Factor" on the Fox News Channel outdraws all other cable talk shows and whose "The Radio Factor" draws more than 3 million listeners nationally.

Measured season-to-season -- the most accurate way to assess audience preferences, because listening patterns vary throughout the year -- Air America has lost audience in major markets, including New York and Boston, since April, May and June of 2004.

Franken, best-selling author of such anti-conservative tomes as "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot," chose to go head-to-head with gabber Limbaugh in many markets. This, it turns out, was not such a good idea.

Limbaugh, still the giant among talkers, with 14.75 million listeners on 600 stations, has squashed Franken, whose ratings have dropped 50 percent in Boston since spring 2004; he is down 14 percent in New York.



#23 — August 5, 2005 @ 23:13PM — KL

Greg? Hey! Gregrocker! Yeah, you, you ignorant clown! Your logical fallacy is transparent and exposed by your basic statistical error. Read your gibberish again and if see if you can pinpoint what's wrong with your statement. If you can't figure it out a second time around then, well, sorry, you need more help than I've the patience for. Give it a try though, and then maybe enroll at your local junior college for a remedial math/statistics course. Alright! Well, then, I feel better! Now I can try and enjoy the rest of my beautiful Florida night. Which, now that I think of it, happens to be a red state! Ohmigosh! I never realized what a horrrid place in which I lived! Yeah, that's probably because it's not! I defy any northerner to make me envy a state with snow. Florida has them all beat hands down, despite even our hurricane scares. Oh, and by the way Gregors what are you doing goofing around on websites at 10 a.m. on a weekday? Most of us dreaded right-wingers are busy working, working, working. Hmmmm... I guess I could start building some unproven conclusions of my own... something along the lines of lazy, possibly unemployed, time-wasting blue-staters? Hmmm...an interesting theory...

#24 — August 6, 2005 @ 00:23AM — Jayne

History DOES repeat itself!

"A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt ...

If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at stake."

Written in a letter by Thomas Jefferson after the passage of the Sedition Act in 1798
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."

Quoted in 1918, by REPUBLICAN President Theodore Roosevelt...what would Teddy say now?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Naturally, the common people don't want war, but they can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders.
Tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacificists for lack of patriotism and endangering the country.
It works the same in every country."

Herman Goering
Hitler's Reichsmarschall
at the Neuremberg Trials

#25 — August 7, 2005 @ 23:35PM — Brainster [URL]

Among the top 20 US markets, Air America does not have a station in (Houston, Puerto Rico, Long Island, St. Louis and Baltimore). Its ratings are too small (under a 0.5 share) in 6 other markets (Chicago--maybe too new, Philly, Washington DC, Boston, Detroit and Atlanta). In the remaining nine markets, the local Air America station is ranked higher than 20th in only one (Minneapolis, where it ranks 18th out of 18 stations listed). The only affiliate with better than a 2.0 share is in Miami.

#26 — August 7, 2005 @ 23:58PM — Al Barger [URL]

Oh, hey there Jayne, I used that exact Goering quote as the starting point for a column just a couple of weeks ago.

#27 — August 8, 2005 @ 00:14AM — Dave Nalle [URL]

The Goering quote is certainly convenient to those who want to completely misrepresent the current situation to serve their political, partisan ends. Hmmm using it that way reminds me of a quote from one of his colleagues. Something about "a Big Lie".

Dave

#28 — August 8, 2005 @ 00:37AM — Bob A. Booey [URL]

Al, for someone who is not affiliated with either major party, why do you only celebrate right-wing icons and news from the Right? Just once I'd like to see you take some position that betrays one iota of intellectual or political complexity and adult reflection. Just once I'd like to see you go out on a limb and defend say, I don't know, CIVIL LIBERTIES or the rights of "pinko," minority, or "Team FAG" protestors, as some REAL libertarians have been brave enough to do in recent years.

Just once I'd like to see you take a stand against the conservative position on a controversial issue that's tough to figure out. I know that would require some actual thought before you write, but I'll give you credit as an actual human boy when that day comes.

That is all.

#29 — August 19, 2005 @ 15:43PM — Michael Horowitz

I'm the guy who broke the story about the Air America Scandal. I'm a liberal Democrat who despises George Bush. The diversion of $875,000 to Air America, as I first reported in the City News in the Bronx where I'm the executive editor, is not a liberal vs. conservative issue. In fact, Evan Montvel-Cohen, one of two individuals at the center of the scandal, campaigned actively for a Republican gubernatorial candidate in Guam.
Michael Horowitz

#30 — August 19, 2005 @ 15:46PM — billy

i knew at the heart of every so called democratic scandal was a no good republican

#31 — August 19, 2005 @ 16:05PM — Al Barger [URL]

Michael, thank you for your reporting, and thanks for dropping by.

#32 — September 17, 2006 @ 07:48AM — laurelite

Ok Albert, tell the truth your not from Laurel, Indiana. More like Lakeview, IN. And People from Laurel don't listen to Rush or Air America radio network. And no one from Laurel are members of the libertarian party. Who are you really Albert?

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