Dear Mrs. Olen,

As I read your take on the "New Nanny Diaries" I asked myself why you didn't simply close out the browser window if you were uncomfortable reading your nanny's blog. I was disappointed with your characterization of this young woman because it seemed as though you couldn't possibly comprehend that blogging is at once both fact and fiction. Bloggers often recount moments from their lives, moments of anger, frustration, joy, love, and lust in a manner that allows them to wash clean their souls. We pepper anecdotes with wishes and what-ifs, woulda, coulda, shoulda phrases. For many of us, it's how we cope. Just because it's written doesn't make it entirely true.

You also seemed to have a difficult time separating your memories of that period from your life with the life she leads. Your experiences were not hers and neither were hers yours. You painted a picture of an irresponsible and unprofessional woman when, in fact, I could find no such evidence of that in her writings. The difference between going out for drinks and being a lush is a wide, wide chasm. If she had shown up at your home with alcohol on her breath and the inability to stand, speak, or focus, perhaps that would have been a better example to her pattern of behavior. However, you did not indicate that she had ever done this. Instead, you speak of her writing of going out for drinks. That is hardly the same thing.

One of the most disappointing aspects to your piece on your nanny's blog is that you stated you were uncomfortable with her referral to her employment with you as work. Guess what? If you were paying her for a service, it was, indeed, work. No matter how much anyone loves a job or the people one works with or for, paid employment is still work. With every job comes the occasional bad day. With every job there comes a time when one considers leaving for another position. With every job comes the frustration that one cannot please everyone all the time.

I was a nanny many years ago. I remember those days with a mixture of love and irritation. I remember the bad days such as the time one of my young charges leaned over to where I was sitting and bit my breast so hard that I bled. Yes, through a blouse and a bra, that child had managed to still bite hard enough to draw blood. The instructions from the parents had always been to reprimand their children in a firm, no-nonsense manner. If they bit, they were to be bitten back. Or spanked. I couldn't bring myself to do that. Ever. And, my employer understood. To me, striking your hand against the bottom of a child who is not your own seemed inappropriate. On this occasion I took the youngster to his mother and explained what he had done. I told her that I was willing to nip him back, lightly, if only she were present. I wanted no misunderstanding to the facts of the discipline. The mother kindly took over at that point, after I had told the young boy that I was upset that he had hurt me so badly. My reaction, calm as it was, caused him to cry. At 3 years of age, he didn't have full control of himself and was testing his limits. When he realized that he had hurt me and that I was upset, he knew he had not displayed the behavior we expected from him. I don't know what his mother did after I left the room. I had another child to attend once my bite was bandaged. I do know that I was never asked to discipline the children in a manner that was not consistent with what I felt was appropriate, though. Please note that having a nanny or other caregiver does not absolve the parent of parental duties such as discipline.

That was a bad day.

There were many other days filled with the laughter of small children, sunlight shining on the droplets of water from the sprinklers we danced under, hugs, silly faces, and singing ABC's. My time as a nanny was rewarding and challenging, but it also was frustrating at times.