Loo-se talk
Published June 23, 2005
Yesterday I encountered an elderly Indian couple at the store. They spoke English with a typical Indian accent. It was like smelling Indian curry at Applebees.
Old guy : Axcuse me yang lady are you standing in the line?
Me (stiff smile):Er... yes I am.
Old guy: Is it okhay if I go before you? I jast have five things to buy.
Me (thinking ): Buzz off old man
Me (smile gets more strained) : Sure, no problem
I took a step back and the old guy moved his cart forward. I looked into his cart and there were only five items.
The cashier was taking his time, chatting with the customers and was rather slowly putting the items in the grocery bags. Again it was a typical Indian thing to do- chat up customers
There were six people ahead of us. The line was long; I had a sudden urge to pee and being in my ninth month bladder control had flown out of the window. All I could think at that point was the loo.
Old guy (breaks the silence and my brooding mental hold on the bladder):Aaree, Waat is taking tham so long? Sheila are you done?"
Me (thinking): Who the fuck is Sheila?
A plump old lady pushes infront of me with a cart full of vegetables and smiles at the old guy. I had been tricked- the five items had become twenty five and my bladder began to curse me.
Me (pretty angry by then ): Excuse me sir, you said you had only five items?
Old man (seedy smile): Come now, yang lady, you should give some concessan to us senior citizans.
The audacity of the old bugger! and his wife was staring at me with reproachful eyes.
My irate bladder made me speak up
Me (cold voice ): I'm in a hurry and since you have more than five items I suggest you move back in line. (I couldn't believe I had said that)
- Loo-se talk
- Published: June 23, 2005
- Type: Satire
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire, Culture: Society
- Writer: Deepti Lamba
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- Deepti Lamba's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
What I would have done, if I were in your shoes (had that happen to me, but also been female and pregnant), is immediately play up the pregnancy and grab my belly and swoon slightly as I say loud enough for at least three checkoutlines to hear "ohhh, ohhh, please, do you mind if I go ahead?"
They will look like asses if they say no, and if they do say no, someone else will surely help you a lane or two over, enabling you to checkout and get into the parking lot first where you can then mow them down as soon as they exit the store.
Lol Steve, then I'd be no better than those oldies- they tried to use their age as an advantage and I'd be using my belly :)
Aaman- Grand theft Auto here would mean hold ups at walgreens for diapers, formula milk and wipes. And I seriously doubt the homies would do any baby sitting
That sounds like a great storyline for a game.
Reminds me of the ad where the dude is driving a good car, shaking his head from side to side, letting the viewer believe he is rocking to the great sound system, when the ad ends, we find he was trying to remember his shopping list, "diapers, cream, bread, beer"
Lol Steve, then I'd be no better than those oldies
but you would have been better than them at their own game. You would have turned the tables back on them.
It's not immoral if you put them publicly on the spot to give back to you what they took by deceit. Also, you are being gracious by not publicly accusing them of 'cutting' or of deception, you are allowing them to save face.
hmmm...you're right , my bladder made me belligerent.
well any answer is a right answer of course, there's no 'best way' to respond to something like that.
I just think if someone is going to come over here, and use deception while badmouthing you and America, they've earned a little 'comeuppance' with the 'welcome to America' sentiment.
You are obviously 'way too nice for your own good, Puss. He's lucky you didn't just waltz up and lose control of your bladder on his shoes.
Nancy, I was any way this close to losing control and was keeping my fingers crossed that I wouldnt have the urge to sneeze or laugh.
My daily movements are 'pee' controlled as it is :)
Steve, generally we Indians tend to be indulgent towards the older generation and their views but I've always had trouble when it comes to suffering fools gladly.
My big mouth has landed me in hot soup too many times.
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Once you give up your spot at the checkout line, you should smile and bear up.