Because it is, see, it is all just so fucking similar to Once Upon A Time In America.

I the hell E;

Once Upon A Time In America is nothing if not a male wank fantasy cloaked in genre trappings and given a loada good actors and beautiful music and stunning cinematography for to keep the wolves at bay.

But one time, you'll be aware, The Wolves got in, and they looked around a bit, and what they found was that, no, Once Upon A Time In America isn't some beautiful ode to corruption and friendship and times long sepia-toned, but is actually a horrific delve into the head of a fourteen year old with an erection from here till next Tuesday.

I've never been a fourteen-year-old, but I sat beside one on a bus one day, and still find myself screaming for no apparent reason, only to remember that wait, I never actually stopped screaming since that fucker sat his arse down.

Anyhow, you'll be aware that Once Upon A Time In America spent its time wrapping a belt around the upper arm of a classic genre, The Gangster Flick, and injecting syringe-fulls of frenzied male delusion.

Men are the folks who wander around with the big coats and the cool guns and the cigarettes. Women are the folks who got their faces in the pillow. It still baffles me why Once Upon A Time In America is seen as anything other than wretched puke, considering not only is Leone responsible for For A Few Dollars More, and so a motherfucking genius who should know better, but also, it has maybe the most offensive depiction of women to be found in any of the "great" American classics.

It has a horrible, disgusting rape scene followed by a scene wherein the victim jokingly picks out the assailant from a line up of exposed penises. She laughs about it all. Ha ha, she thinks, I got done in a violent and probably bloody manner by these fucking cretinous bastards, but so what? I'm a dame, that's what happens. No big deal.

That scene with the penis line-up, it's like if you're talking to this really attractive potential partner all night, and they're making you laugh, and even better, you're making them laugh, and then, just as they lean over for to bless you with the kinda kiss illegal in three-quarter's of the civilized world, suddenly they cough up half a goats head onto your lap.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that, let's just kiss anyway."

"No! I can't forget about this goats head right here. I can't just ignore it and remember how beautiful you were up till now. This needs to be addressed, this goat's head issue, and I'm sorry, but it's affected my drive somewhat."