SATIRE

A Long Memorial Day Weekend In Store For Michael Jackson Fans

Written by PoopyCaca
Published May 28, 2005

. . . nevermind, they're already here.

Written by Joe Wilson

SANTA MARIA, Calif. (PoopyCaca.com) – The end is near for Michael Jackson fans who have spent the last thirteen weeks in their vintage Thriller T-shirts, glued to Court TV with Off The Wall playing softly in the background, scanning the Internet during commercials for the latest conspiracy theories and ending each day by praying at the feet of a life-sized cut out of the King of Pop.

After 140 witnesses, including Jay Leno, McCauley Culkin, Chris Tucker and a rejected Larry King, the defense rested in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial, leaving Jackson fans the Memorial Day weekend to wait for closing arguments and practice moon-walking.

The prosecution went out with a creepy bang by playing a videotaped interview of the accuser from 2003 telling investigators about the first time he was molested by Jackson. The defense decided not to call the accuser back to the stand, providing one more thing for Dan Abrams, Nancy Grace and their gaggle of legal talking heads to argue about… for hours.

"I know Memorial Day isn’t supposed to be about Michael Jackson," explained Richard Cole, a long-time Jackson fan, "but I’ll be thinking about him, remembering the times before this travesty of justice. Travesty, that’s the right word, right?"

Cole said that for most of the trial he has been among the fans who scream messages of support to Jackson and his entourage of arm bands as they arrive at the courthouse each morning. "I know for a fact, at least one time, MJ was waving to me, personally," Cole boasted.

As the Robert Blake trial is now a distant memory in the minds of celebrity trial watchers and the Michael Jackson show is set to come to an end, a dark world without a celebrity trial may await the nation with the only hope being runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.
Keep reading for information and comments on this article, and add some feedback of your own!
A Long Memorial Day Weekend In Store For Michael Jackson Fans
Published: May 28, 2005
Type: Satire
Section: Music
Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
Writer: PoopyCaca
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#1 — May 28, 2005 @ 15:53PM — james mclafferty

We won't know what to do with ourselves,i bet eric wishes there was controversy of this level all the time his viewing figures would sky rocket,must admit not too sure about how the last video tape will go down.

#2 — May 30, 2005 @ 14:56PM — daniel david

U GUYS SHOULD LEAVE THE GUY ALONE HE IS INNOCENT AND I F I WERE HIM I WOULD NEVER SMILE AT THE CAMERAS CAUSE EVERYONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS MISFORTUNE MOST ESPECIALLY THE AMERICAN MEDIA I THINK THEY SUCK AND ARE DISRESPECTFUL TO A KING LIKE MIKE.
IT WOULD SOON END AND PLS TELL MICHAEL TO STOP TRYING TO PLEASE THE PUBLIC AND CONCENTRATE ON GOD CAUSE THEY WILL FAIL HIM (EXCEPT HIS DEVOTED FANS ).
TRIBUTE TO THE ONLY KING OF POP MICHAEL JACKSON.

#3 — June 2, 2005 @ 05:58AM — james mclafferty

Here is a song off the invincible album directed at the press.Make of it as you will.
Michael Jackson - Privacy Lyrics

Aint the pictures enough, why do you go through so much
To get the story you need, so you can bury me
You've got the people confused, you tell the stories you choose
You try to get me to lose the man I really am

You keep on stalking me, invading my privacy
won�t you just let me be
�cause you cameras can�t control, the minds of those who know
That you�ll even sell your soul just to get a story sold

[CHORUS]
I need my privacy, I need my privacy
So paparazzi, get away from me

Some of you still wonder why, one of my friends had to die
To get a message across, that yet you haven�t heard
My friend was chased and confused, like many others I knew
But on that cold winter night, my pride was snatched away

Now she get no second chance, she just ridiculed and harassed
Please tell my why
No there�s a lesson to learn, respect�s not given, it�s earned
Stop maliciously attacking my integrity

[CHORUS]

Now there�s a lesson to learn, stories are twisted and turned
Stop maliciously attacking my integrity

[CHORUS x 3]

#4 — June 2, 2005 @ 16:25PM — james mclafferty

Mr Olsen and others,The 10 charges against Jackson and public opinion polls.
Michael Jackson is charged for than just molestation.
TRANSCRIPT
By Dan Abrams
Updated: 12:59 p.m. ET June 2, 2005

Dan Abrams
Host, 'The Abrams Report'
• Click for profile
• E-mail the author
Inside the courtroom Wednesday, Judge Melville laid out the charges against Michael Jackson for the jurors. Then, he ordered them back to court at 8:30 a.m. PT Thursday morning PT for closing arguments from both sides.

The jury will take the case into the deliberation room and decide if Michael Joe Jackson is guilty of conspiring to extort, abduct, and imprison the much-talked about family.

The ten 10 charges are outlined below:

Count 1: Conspiracy. The charge is Michael Jackson "conspired with Ronald Konitzer, Dieter Weizner, Frank Casio, Vinnie Amen and Marc Schaffel to abduct, falsely imprison and extort the accuser and his family by unlawfully controlling, withholding, isolating, concealing and enticing and threatened them."

Sentence: Up to four years for the conspiracy to abduct a child, up to one year for the false imprisonment, and up to four years for the extortion.

Counts 2 to 5: Molestation. The charge is that between February 20, 2003 and March 12, 2003, "Jackson willfully, unlawfully and lewdly committed a lewd and lascivious act upon the accuser with the intent of arousing, appealing to, and ratifying the lust, passions, and sexual desires of himself and the accuser."

This refers to two counts of the boy himself saying "Michael Jackson molested me, and two counts of his brother saying, "I saw Michael Jackson molesting him."

Sentence: For each count, Michael Jackson could face up to eight years in prison.

Count 6: Attempt to commit a lewd act. "Between February 2003 and March 12 that Jackson attempted to have the accuser commit a lewd act upon Jackson's body with the intent of arousing."

"Basically there was one area of testimony where the accuser said Michael Jackson grabbed his hand and put it on Michael Jackson's genitals and then the boy grabbed it away," explains "Inside Edition" senior correspondent Jim Moret. "This jury may have been stunned to discover that it's not actually molestation-- It's a lewd act. And all you really need is 'a touching of the body of someone younger than 14 with the intent to arouse either person.' This touching could be on top of or below the clothing."

Counts 7 to 10: The felony alcohol counts-- Giving alcohol to the child to assist in the commission of the lewd act. Each of these counts relates to giving the boy alcohol in an effort to molest him on those four molestation counts. The charge is that he unlawfully gave the accuser alcohol to enable and assist him to commit child molestation.

Abrams Live Vote
Trial verdict on MOLESTATION: Do you think Michael Jackson will be... * 3625 responses
convicted?
40%
acquitted?
60%
Trial verdict on CONSPIRACY: Do you think Michael Jackson will be... * 3638 responses
convicted?
27%
acquitted?
73%
Trial verdict on GIVING ALCOHOL (to assist in the commission of a lewd act): Do you think Michael Jackson will be... * 3654 responses
convicted?
55%
acquitted?
45%
Do you think Michael Jackson is actually... * 3744 responses
guilty?
63%
not guilty?
37%
We are unable to record your vote. Please contact MSNBC technical support for assistance.
E-mail AbramsReport@MSNBC.com to share your thoughts.
Can you convict somebody of just these alcohol offenses, and if you acquit him by a reasonable doubt on the underlying lewd acts? "The answer is yes," says Criminal defense attorney Daniel Horowitz. "This was actually a crime that was invented in the 1890's, put on the books in California to punish people who slipped laudanum or opiates to people, knocking them out, so that then the warehouse they were guarding could be robbed. But it applies to any felony, any drug including alcohol meant to knock the person out or weaken them so that then you can commit the crime. That is a crime in and of itself."

After recent developments in court this week, they jury may decide Jackson is still guilty of the lesser misdemeanor charge of providing alcohol to a minor.

Sentence: If Jackson is convicted on a felony alcohol count, this carries about two years time, while a conviction on a lesser misdemeanor charge would result in fines and probation.

Coverage of the Michael Jackson trial continues with Dan Abrams live at the courthouse bringing you the very latest. 'The Abrams Report' airs weeknights, 6 p.m. ET on MSNBC.

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