Hilarious article!

What about Homer Simpson & the B Sharps? Good, bad, or indifferent?

Homer Simpson & the B Sharps is a classic. As is Fingerbang, the boy band from South Park.

Was Lynyrd Skynyrd intentionally misspelled on your list as well?

Bob Dylan-I hate that stupid name.

I have never comprehended the difficulty with spelling Lynyrd Skynyrd, since every freaking vowel is a "y"

nice job Pete and I agree with you more often than not; though I am certain you realize the entire exercise is REALLY subjective

except for Hoobastank, which has been mathematically proven to be the dumbest bandname of all time.

i think Bricklayer wrote the proof out somewhere around here....


;-)

that is one butt-huffingly bad name

isn't the very notion of naming a band at all hopelessly jejune and pedantic? Can't we just call them all what they really are: music?

You make a good point Eric, Jejune is another horrible band name. Oh, you meant the actual word and not the band?

Got it.

Sorry about the Skynyrd misspelling. I feel like Neil Young.

Nice article.

I disagree on Rage Against the Machine, but otherwise a good list.


I'd like to submit Maroon 5's first name: Kara's Flowers.

great article. i agree with most of it except the numbers. Numbers in number form suck... but written out numbers don't have to suck. For instance, Sixteen Horsepower. Though, I disagree about Gang of Four... terrible band name!

i half way through this great post, but alread i must comment - sham 69 is a GREAT bandname.

and in time spent in wonderful punk-bands here in the ol' hometown, i did indeed commit on of these sins, by being in a band called section 23, but, on the other hand, i think i was also in a band that has the best name i've ever heard, so there.

it was called Julian's Boyfriend.

i still count that as proof enough of the genius of my good friend who done the singin'.

Google Bomber - credit to Temple

Excellent post Pete. Especially the bold sub categories. I was in a band that briefly went by Rubber Mohawk, which I thought was decent, we also did one session as Swell Bennett for some drunken reason...

Thanks for the laugh!

There were some ahem, interesting band names back in the psychedelic era of course. The Charging Tyrannosaurus of Despair, the Peanut Butter Conspiracy, the Underground Balloon Corps and the ever-popular Electric Rectum (presumably either a play on the Electric Prunes or a delightfully subversive urban legend).

Then again, we were scraping banana skins in an effort to gain cosmic consciousness in those days as well :-)

Tom Petty-I hate that stupid name!

you're right: Tom Magnanimous would be SO much better

EO - hahahahhahaha

thanks Duker, made my day

Great post Pete. I always liked one of my brothers band's name, "The Beans". Also enjoyed a band named, "Stool Softeners". At the other end of the spectrum I once saw a sign for a band named "Totally Awesome". Tell me that don't suck.

I always thought the Skate Nigs packed a punch

Colostomy Grab Bag.

no wait, that's the grossest name.

(actually not even sure if that's a band name...i read it somewhere. prolly in the liberal media).

the best band name ever, you'll be aware, is the dead kennedys. and jello biafra is the best stage-name ever.

Worst SF band NAME was Pearl Harbor and the Explosions. Worst band? Journey, and the name sucks too!

Hey Colostomy Grab Bag, they were pretty cool. Thanks for reminding me, Mark!

I am so with you on the prepositions. However, I think Ween is a cool band name... it's just so GROSS somehow.

re: The Theory in comment 13:
"Numbers in number form suck... but written out numbers don't have to suck."

I agree, and therefore disagree with Pete's assertion that Ten Years After is a bad band name, but he seems to indicate he thinks the band is/was called 10 Years After. Alvin Lee's later band, Ten Years Later, had a name that was just too contrived to be believed, however.
Didn't Rob Thomas make a big deal about changing the name of his band from Matchbox 20 to Matchbox Twenty a few years back?
UB40, though I never liked the band, had a creative name, as that is the title of the British unemployment form, or so I understand.

Other comments:
Best one-word band name: Traffic

In the pre-Internet years, I had the first edition of a book called "The Rock Record" by Terry Hounsome, that had all kinds of interesting and useless trivia about just about every band, album, session man, etc. etc. of the rock era. It had the most amazing name for a band ever in it, that fits Pete's mention of band names not being complete sentences:
The Only Alternative and His Other Possibility.
Alas, I never found the album, and by the time my copy of the first edition wore out and I bought the third edition, the entry had been removed.

I remember early references to the band name Toad the Wet Sprocket having come from a Monty Python skit, but I never determined which skit it was from.

I don't think The Only Alternative and His Other Possibility is a good name for a band, just an amazing one. One that piqued my curiosity.

Incredible! An entire article and extended comments about Bad Band names without once mentioning "Gay Bikers on Acid".

except it was "Gaye" Bikers on Acid

I always liked Alien Sex Fiend and his wife, Mrs. Fiend

Interesting subject but I can't say I agree with your rules.

I grew up in the sixties and seventies and I hate most of band names now. They are all sort of edgy in a vague, meaningless way, like everything this generation does. They are afraid to put anything out there that means anything and this is how they hide.

How about death metal?

Dying Fetus
Vomit Remnants

bah..the temerity to state that Rush, Tool, or Rage Against the Machine are bad band names!!

philistine!!

but i digress..

here' ssome for you

Leather Studded Diaphram
C.H.o.D. (chicken holiday of doom)
Dirge
Rooster Mohawk and the Chicken boys
Prong

and soOOOOOOOoooooOOOooo many more from my old band days in the underground scene in NYC/Jersey shore

i don't really think there is such a thing as a truly bad band name
(i know, there are exceptions, i tried "Free Beer" briefly..and my last band, "Rope" shot down the name "Everbody Dies"...i liked the idea of a radio announcement "tonight at 9, Everybody Dies at the Stone Pony)

just my one sixth billionths of the world's Opinion..

your mileage may vary

Excelsior!

tafkap ?

I don't know their music well enough to have an opinion on it, but System of a Down is a great example of the preposition rule.

How about my future band name? Distilled Water.

How's the music? Kind of bland.

Thanks for clearing that up, visualsimplicity.

There's a local band called '[insert metaphor here]', which I think is kind of lame in itself..

Anyway, would 'Guided by Voices' be an exception to your 'no prepositions' rule? I think that's a pretty neat name.

"'Til Tuesday, God Is My Co-Pilot" is a cool band name.

Great post and I'm in large agreement.

I think the preposition is fine, however, and like the names Rage Agains the Machine and Alice in Chains.

Very much agree on the number in the band name thing... though I contend Three Dog Night is fine because it at least is an adjective holding some meaning.

I think a band name is pretty damned important as it is one of the first things you see visually or hear in place of the music itself.

Example A:
Yo man, there's this new band called Texas Terri and the Mean Ones that's totally kick ass. You should totally check it out. I mean, these guys ROCK!

Example B:
Yo man, there's this new band called Klickles907a that's totally kick ass. You should totally check it out. I mean, these guys ROCK!

Which band would you check out first?

[Example A is a real band while B is made up...]

Garbage really grates as a band name. For your criteria, it is a single word name. My objection, however, is that I take the name as self-judgement. They're strongly suggesting by their very name that they're no good. I don't want to listen to garbage. They actually have one or two good songs, but it took a lot for me to get past their name.

The Snot Puppies.

I like band names that have a sense of humor but also manage to pull off being a "real band" (whatever that means) like Nerf Herder and Aquabats.

nothing in history is worse than this shit. I haven't even heard their music... just out of principle:

the the

wtf is that? After that, any band name is good. Except Live, all that does is create confusion. Annoying stupid confusion. So how does one create clever confusion? Barenaked Ladies!

Different kind of sort of topic:

It would be really fun to have a Battle of the Bands competition of bands with stupid names / very similar names. First up:

The Band v. Da Band

This far into the thread and no mention of Our Lady Peace? Or, for that matter, Better Than Ezra? (Which I always secretly translated to Lamer Than Live.) (Which, in turn, is pretty fucking lame, if you think about it.)

I should have included the Jesus bands in my list.

Jesus Jones
The Jesus Lizard
The Jesus and Mary Chain
Liquid Jesus

The only good one is Jesus Christ Superfly

And yes, Better Than Ezra should have made it, too.

The Mothers of Invention would qualify under your second criterion. I don't think the band was officially known as "Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention", at least not at first. However, in fairness, the band was originally called just "The Mothers." That wouldn't fly on an album cover in 1966, so the record company insisted on the addition.

My favorite bizarro band name : Scraping Foetus off the Wheel (later shortened to just "Foetus")

At my high school there was a band called Dizzy Platypus... which I thought was kind of rad.

Ok, so my band (of about 6 months now) is called The Company Line

Not that we are going to change it or anything, but is that an acceptable name?

Cheap plug for my band :-)

Great article, Pete!

Best comment so far:

Bricklayer: "Bob Dylan-I hate that stupid name."

(wiping coffee off my monitor)

=====

re: 60s bands --

don't forget these (not sure if they're on the Worst list or the Best list?)

The West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band (not too pretentious, eh?)
Chocolate Watchband
Shiva and the Headband
Electric Prunes
Bubble Puppy
The Moving Sidewalks
Question Mark and the Mysterians
Blue Cheer
The Seeds (best singer name: Sky Saxon)
Hour Glass (later = The Allman Bros)



exception to the NO NUMBERS Rule:

--> 13th Floor Elevators!

re: famous misspellings: did you forget The Byrds?


WORST CHANGE: Jefferson Airplane -to- Jefferson Starship

=======

My favorite: "Pit Bulls on Crack"

My candidate for the worst, timely contribution:

Constantine the Professional Pouter's band:

"Pray for the Soul of Betty"

I'd say the Company Line is ok. Not particularly inspired, but FAR from the worst I've heard.

13th Floor Elevators--Great band, terrible name. Many of the bands on my list are ones I truly love, just not necessarily the names.

You'll see that I mention ? and the Mysterians at the end as an all-time classic.

Should have put Grotus in the made-up word list. And WURM and GWAR aren't so good.

Good call on the Byrds. On the topic of the Byrds, I never did like the Flying Burrito Brothers as a band name.

"WORST CHANGE: Jefferson Airplane -to- Jefferson Starship" to plain old Starship.

Some of my favorite bands with kind of lame names:

Dashboard Confessional
Taking Back Sunday
Jet
breaking benjamin

Since we seem to be diverging into great band names, who can beat the best band name ever - The Smoking Popes.

Dave

It don't get much better than RUSH for single-syllable rock band name, and Led Zeppelin is one of my all-time faves.

I've got an exception to band names w/ one syllable: The florida-based death metal band called... Death. Now THAT'S an awesome name.

I have ideas for band names, like "Death to Society". That's an AWESOME name with a preposition. A band name "666", would be a good band name. A good band name with a catch phrase would be "Die Slow Muthafuckaz" (DSM for short.)

Wow, a death metal band named Death? Shocking.

Or a Satan worshipping band named 666? Damn I wish I was that creative.

Seriously, though, I don't really agree with the preposition rule since one of my favorite band names is called Death from Above 1979 (and it some what violates the number rule too--and ironically, after my above comments, has the word death in it).

No, the death metal band, Death, is known as one of the godfathers of death metal. They came out in the late-80s, and they're kickass, too. I had their CD, Heretic (released 2003), but some asshole stole my rock CDs. Now all I have is my rap stuff, which I haven't really been listening to.

Was just thinking that it's really true that having "the" on the front of your band name is usually a sign of good things...

The Doors, The Beatles, The Who, The Damned, The Jam, The Kinks, etc.

Notable exception #1:

The Spin Doctors

I had to think of the band, Eagles of Death Metal while reading this thread... now THAT is a good band name... probably because it's satire.

No idea if "Death" is cool or lame as a band name, and i don't really care either.
The music though..
I'm not a metalhead myself at all, but Death indeed used to make some incredibly creative music.
Beyond metal.

I like to listen to death between chet baker and jj cale, and somehow it always fits.
Subtle music.
Really.

I agree, eagles of death metal is a cool name.
It's like :
"Hey tim, i hear you're in a band. What kind of music do you guys play ?"
"Well, you know, we're like the Eagles of death metal."

That's pretty funny, i think.

Another good band name would be "Abaddon".

Actual band: The But Franklies

Never heard them, but how bad could they be?

This is either the worst name ever or it
is one of the greatest band names ever:
"The Guys Who Came Up From Downstairs"

The real name of a mid 60's garage band,
no kidding. I wish I was but I'm not.

Definitely the funniest band name, however.

Butthole Surfers, Dayglo Abortions; Fartz. Well, I love those bands!

These are all great suggestions but the worst band name of all-time is "Goo Goo Dolls" by a long shot. I hear they named themselves this on a double-dog dare. Simply awful!

Re: Eagles of Death Metal comment . . .

I know, I love that name. I was assuming that was how someone had described Queens of the Stone Age (which shares members with EoDM) at some point.

Also, speaking of Queens of the Stone Age, is there a rule on the use of military/political titles in band names? Some other good military names that come to mind are Captain Beefheart, Captain Beyond, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Joy Division, and Nuclear Assault. The Captain and Tennille is the exception that proves the rule.

As for political titles, there's Elvis - "the King," King Buzzo from the Melvins, Queen, Queen Latifah, the aforementioned Queens, Prince, Duke Ellington, Screaming Lord Sutch, and countless others.

H.W. Sax, et al:

Ain't it weird that it's kinda hard to decide whether it's the WORST band name ever or the BEST band name ever?

Thin line, apparently!

With that in mind....


Best/Worst(?) Country Band Name EVER:

*The Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash



*great music, btw!

A note on Death Metal:

Music for the young only.

(At my age, 'death' is the last thing I wanna hear and/or think about.)

For a while there, I was playing with some kids who wanted to do kind of a post-punk and not Emo type of a band and I was saying that we should name the band "See You Next Thursday" and I said it with a straight face.

They didn't get it and were like, "Dude, but there is already a band called thursday and it really sounds way too emo."

That was the beginning of the end. I knew I couldn't play with these people. I thought that would have been a decent band name. Profane without profanity and mocking the pretentious band names out there.

Oh Well.

Come to thing of it, I remember a band out of the Bay area in the early 90s known as the Space Negroes. They had a cassette tape, it was actually not bad. Art-Punk.

OK, this thread could get really long as our brains start pulling out names from our memory.

Toad the Wet Sprocket is from the sketch Rock Notes that you can find on the Contractual Obligation album. That sketch is full of really bad band names.

How about this one for the best/worst flyer advertising a gig I've ever seen:

"If Phish were ska, they'd be Shue!"

[Shue was the band... apparently]

band names:
Caustic Smegma
Persistent Fly

album title:
Clean As a Broke-Dick Dog

Shark,Where are "The Bastard Sons Of JC"
from ? That is a great name. Or a great/
bad name whatever the case may be.I also
like the name "The Bad Livers" who are
from down around your neck of the woods.

Well, Austin actually. But that is only
about 200 miles from Ft.Worth right?

worst: The Band

despite thier good music..

What about Da Band?

There was a punk band where I used to
live called "Free Beer".

Fliers for their shows always got a lot
of attention. Too bad they sucked.

ya you reminded me off a cover band that had a name along those lines... it was a sex name though.. like "nude chicks" or "nude dancers". Forget exactly..

I thought of one of the best/worst band names ever on the way home from work... they hailed from somewhere in Central New York...

Stool, Featuring Crappy the Clown

A new band from Scotland is making a bold play for Worst Band Name Ever, and that is "Dogs Die in Hot Cars". What a stinker! They're much better than their name though.

There was once an Aussie punk band named
"I Spit On Your Gravy".

I disagree with Rage Against The Machine but still a great, and very funny post. I think maybe there should be a section for double negatives - for instance a band that came to my school a while ago - TheBandWithNoName. Surely that must be a contender for the worst name ever! Also Muse is another acceptable one syllable name.

"I agree, eagles of death metal is a cool name.
It's like :
"Hey tim, i hear you're in a band. What kind of music do you guys play ?"
"Well, you know, we're like the Eagles of death metal."

True story: some guys who had a movie soundtrack band were playing back one of their compositions and someone commented that it sounded like Phil Spector's wall of sound."

The reply? "No, man, it sounds like a wall of voodoo." And a band was born.

Squirting White.

How about that for a band name?

...eeew. just... eew.

Why are you disgusted? It's natural. It's how you were born.

Okay, can't believe I'm revealing this one, but I've always thought this would a good name for the right band:

Sinnerjism

HW, bastard sons of johnny cash at amazon


And they're touring California as we speak!

Check 'em out.

PS: In the early 70s, I was in a band named "Master Cylinder" --- in honor of a *cartoon charater in the old Felix series -- not a car part.

*No one got it. [snif]


PPS: The theatre I write for did an original musical a few years ago called "Negroes in Space"

Any relation to Jews in Space from the end of Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I?

I remember on an episode of 'Get Smart' there was a band called 'The Sacred Cows'.

On an episode of Diff'rent Strokes, Willis was in a band called Afro-desiac.

a great bass player i know..leader of Zen Pajamas, one made a witty bit of Observation about band names..sarcastic as always he said..

"quick , grab a noun before they are all taken"

Wisdom abounds...

Excelsior!

Demigodd, hhhmmm...Squirting White? You know we can make the Pearl Jam reference with that one....

Eric B., There is a Lonnie Liston Smith
Funk/Jazz tune called:"Afro-Desia".

This may just be where the writers of
"Different Strokes" copped the name of
the band.Pretty good name by the way, if
you ask me. By coincidence the name of
the show is also a song.The Soul/blues
great Syl Johnson did a song by the name
of "Different Strokes" a great funk jam
from about 1969/70.

Better than the name of band Beaver had
on the "Leave It To Beaver" TV show.
They were called:Beaver & The Trappers".
And they actually put out a 45 record
by the name of "Happiness Is...". that
is not bad early 60's garge rock.

That's funny, HW, and I agree it's a good name... hell, it stayed with me all these years -- from one episode of a long gone sitcom!

Didn't Re-Run and Raj have a band at
some point on "What's Happening" or on
"What's Happening Now?" the follow up
that was based around Shirley's place?

It's been a long long time since I've
seen either but it seems like they did.
Ain't it sick the way TV sometimes blurs
the fine line between memory & reality?

I bet they did... man, I'd love to see that episode right about now.

Less Will & Grace and Raymond in syndication!

More Diff'rent Strokes and What's Happening!

And Tom & Jerry and the original Transformers too!

Hell, bring back my entire childhood while we're at it!

I loved The Wayouts in that Flintstones episode - the band members were segmented

The Way-Outs episode was cool.One of the
reasons the song was so catchy was that
it was written by Berry Gordy Jr.!

I'm not sure if it was written entirely
by Berry or just co written but you can
notice similarities to "Do You Love Me?"
without trying very hard.And "DYLM" was
written by Berry.

Years ago I met a band called Hitler & The Belmonts.

That reminds me, there was a punkabilly
band named: "Elvis Hitler".

There was also a band with the very fine name (in my opinion), The Very Idea Of Fucking Hitler. Obviously I disagree with the no prepositions rule, on the subject of which I've got to disagree with the author on Porno for Pyros, a perfectly splendid name in my view.

My favorite band name is the Minutemen. Also I thought the Doors was good. Hard to go wrong with the The thing.

That is hilarious! Thanks for a great read. However you left out a few good ones. . . . Thirty-Odd Foot of Grunts. Awful, but actually works when fans refer to them as TOFOG. It kinda sticks with you. Ironically, this is a good band. And speaking of actor bands. . . . I think Dogstar is a great name. . . awful band.

fuck that! Korn rocks.

Wasn't "Dogstar" the band that Keanu R.
had?

Nobody mentioned:

The Buttless Chaps
...and you will know us by the trail of dead
The The
Jelly
Joy of Cooking
Thinking Fellers Union Local 282
Butts Band
It's A Beautiful Day
I Am The World Trade Center
Englebert Humperdinck (whose given name was the reasonable Arnold George Dorsey)

Hassan Ben Sobar & His Suburban Turbans.
So Cal punk band - mid 80's. Unrecorded
to my knowledge.

And there was a Phoenix,AZ band called:
"Sphincter".The same city also gave us
"Jodie Foster's Army".

And my favorite is the Australian band:
"The Beasts Of Bourbon". Great band!!!
Swampy,noisy,bluesy with shades of Punk,
C&W and Tom waits-esque bizarro world
cabaret.

If only they were The Assless Chaps. Then I could get behind them (in a manner of speaking).

I'll see your Jelly and raise you Belly. Which is worse?

Yes, Dogstar was Keanu's "band."

Sarah, Korn may or may not rock. That's not the point. Their name sucks. I said nothing about their music. In fact, I quite like some of the bands I listed.

Worst band name ever has to be Anal C***.

anal c**t is a great name! shame they're a bunch a wankers, mind.

Yeah, AC gets a special pass for being so ballsy (to continue the anatomical theme). As does Bloodcome. I'm sticking with Archers of Loaf. They don't get any worse than that.

Then there is always Impaled Nazerene, Pungent Stench, Cannibal Corpse et al...there are so many daft names in the extreme metal field.

A mate of mine does a rather funny gag imagining one of the guys in the band telling his parents about his new project.

points must be awarded to Half Man / Half Biscuit, but then the naffness was kinda intentional, an also, they rock. on another note, Andrew Ian Dodge, am i right in assuming your own band to Growing Old Disgracefully? I only ask becuase i mentioned it in the (currently uploading) mondo podcast 13, an hope i got it right!

All right, for my money, "that dog." deserves honorable mention among the worst band names of all time. It really helps that they insist on the lowercase letters and the period at the end as part of their official band name.

When someone mentioned Jesus in band names, it reminded me of M.C. 900 Foot Jesus, which is a horrible band name partly redeemed by its mockery of a televangelist fund-raising story.

Best part of that story is the televangelist's name: Oral. Oral Roberts, if I recall correctly. Yep, those were the good old days.

Yes my own band is Growing Old Disgracefully.

We have a targeted single coming out next week. The link to the site is above.

good luck with that Andrew! another truly horrendous band-name, from a telly show (popstars the rivals, in fact) - a boy band called One True Voice. what a horrific band name...

Yikes that is bad. If you want lame names a quick reading of The Pit metal mag or Terrorizer is a treasure-trove. It is esp funny when you consider some extreme metal bands logos.

Hey, wut do u guys think of the band names phantom 43, or new day?

hhhmmm... how about the solo artist, B.J. Smegma. OK, I made that one up...

wot do u guys think of my bands name 'The Red Echoes' ?????? and i think another pretty kl name 4 a band is 'Vexed' tell me wot u think ?????

Well, Phantom 43 is out because it's a number band. The world doesn't need any more of those.

New Day? Eh. It's not terrible. But it does make me think of Green Day, and that's not good.

The Red Echoes is fine, although I'm not sure what it means. Please do NOT name your band Vexed (or Vext).

I think a good band name would be The Huffing Prudes.

IF we're talking about 'inside jokes' as being ok band names then Seven Mary Three should be struck. The ONLY thing good about that band was that its name was a CHiPs reference. Come on people!

Great post! I'm especially impressed at the "fun fact" that adding "The" to the front of a one-syllable name enhances that name immeasurably. However, look at this:

The Staind

Still a terrible name, isn't it?

Oh, as for Jesus bands, I have another one that was a good one: "Jesus Chrysler." Also known as "Jesus Chrysler Supercar."

LSD, or is your hip hop name Ellis D? Anyway, Vexed was the name of one of the zillion proto-grunge bands from Seattle (about 1984 for them). They weren't big or anything, they just called themselves "Vexed". I'm sure it was never registered so it is just public domain for you to rock to.

It ain't a bad name. Pete Blackwell doesn't like it. I think it might be OK, but I would have to hear your music first...

best,
peaceloveguidance

Even the ones I disagree with are funny. Terrific article. I needed a laugh.

I admit to having a soft spot for names that are so bad they're good. Usually only really bad punk bands can pull this off.

Example 1: 10,000 Screaming Apaches
Example 2: Sucking Chest Wound

Preposition exception: June of '44 and Built to Spill

AWESOME name: Drive-By Truckers (also incredible musicians)

More awesome band names: My Morning Jacket, Blonde Redhead, British Sea Power, and Broken Social Scene.

exception to numbers rule
3 Inches of Blood

I agree with visualsimplicity that Death From Above is a great band name in violation of the preposition rule. Too bad they were forced to add the 1979. (Says Wikipedia: Originally named just "Death From Above", the duo changed their name after a New York City dance-funk label named Death From Above threatened legal action.)

I also like Built To Spill. And, one of my favorites is Future Bible Heroes.

Ok the ignorant slave that stated "death metal-only for the young" or whatever, you need to pull your head out of your ass so it can be severed from your putrid corpse. Anyways back to badass band names.

-Agoraphobic Nosebleed
-1349(better than all the other numbered band names up there)
-Old Man's Child
-Septophilia(my friends band)
-Akercocke
-Summon
-Burning Skies
-Decrepit Birth
-Zyklon
-Vital Remains(awesome name actually)
-Myrk
-Burzum
-Mayhem
-Marduk
-Misteltein
-I Know more music than you!

A great band name is:
Truck Road Defects

what about Alien ant Farm?? how horrible is that

Best band name I heard is a made up one on the Rockstargame website- you register your "band" and make it practise and write songs and tour and it goes up the "charts" depending on how hard you work. Anyway, it's 'McTellica". Awesome.

Please excuse atrocious punctuation. Just noticed.

enjoyed the article - thanks for that.

some additions are surely:

prefab sprout (reformed vegetable)
heaven 17 (hell 18)
east 17 (why not walthamstow, london)
five star (enough said)
abc (duh...)
m people (muppet? maggot? misery?)
boyzone (why not gaylordz?)
pet shop boys (hampster please)
puff daddy or p diddy (they both suck)

theres a local band here called the bayonets thats a horribel name
i cant believe how bad it is lol if theres ne misspells there 4 give me im eating ice cream

:D

Well I've some dumb ones, miss-spelt and the plain stupid including;

Count The Stars (why?)
Big Brovaz (why spell it like that)
Bowling For Soup
Franz Ferdinand
Gorillaz
i-(def)-i (good band, why the symbols)
KT Tunstall (why the shorthand)

and the god awful--

BIG DUMB FACE !!!

thats all i have to say on the matter :)

Franz Ferdinand is one of my favorite band names of the past few years. I'm with you on the others. Not sure why the Bayonets is bad. It kind of sticks with me ;-P

gorillaz r awesom lol funny name though

Anal region nice, purple pants granola bars.

tacos smelling poop without needing supervision

xfng

another band name is the poo poo squad they r a local bad
BAD NAME

I just suddenly remembered one...


MCFLY

whats up with that!

A local band i went and watched this evening was called...wait for it;


VOTE FOR PEDRO


*loads the gun* :-[

Thought of a cool band name today:

The Mud Bloods

Cool to me, maybe sucky to everyone else!

Well I also thought of some made up dodgy names..

Anal Sepage
Your Mom
Ugly Step Sister
Athletes Foot

but what do you lot think of my band name...

All Main Routes

let me know

poop poop, POPTARTS!!!!!!!!!

The writer should have added another category - Band Names Should Never Contain Apostrophes. This is aimed specifically at Hear'Say, my own nomination for the crappest band name ever.

When I lived in Sheffield a few years back, I came across a local band called Dominic and the Derrickos. This probably isn't the best band name ever, but it made me laugh.

As an aside, what is behind the current WW1 chic in band names, eg Kaiser Chiefs, Franz Ferdinand? I am surprised anyone would want to glorify this rather inglorious period in world history.

I think Camp Kill Yourself is a great name! There is a metal band called Prosthetic Cunt, their CD title?
"Fucking your daughter with a frozen vomit fuck stick" No joke.

try these on for size...
Gluecifer
Kuntautkult
Neptune Towers
The Number 12 looks like you
Pazuzu
Pissing Razors --- ;)

is this a gay band name please somone (caraways sombia)

I'm in a band with a name of RYDE. Half the people I know think it sucks, the other half think it rocks. I think you're right though.
The Ryde would be much better.
In fact, almost any word attached to that would be better.
Ride off
eagle ryde
Hit the Ryde
Ryde Action
Nation Ryde
The Frumious Ryde

We spelt it wrong because ride didn't really stick out at all, and its a type of cymbal anyway. My mom said we should change our name to Bandersnatch.

Really though the very best and very worst band names come from England
The Beatles (Awesome)
Napalm Death (Peice of crap)
The Libertines (sort of both)
Radiohead (sweet)
Hot Hot Heat (sucky name, wierd band)
Selfish Cunt, Mr. Scruff, Hundred Reasons, Four Tet, Goldfrapp, Super Furry Animals, The Coral, The Go! Team (decide for yourself)

Oh and I forgot to mention that we are trying to change it, and think of a better one, because ride is taken

what about Misunderestimated???

Alice Cooper is A dumb name for A band

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i can't believe nobody has brought up "The Atomic Bitchwax" yet. What a great bandname.

forgive me if they're already on the list: Hootie and the Kajagoogoo Hoobastank.

Great overview and detailed analysis.

I know this is way off topic in a diametrically opposed manner, but: the best band name ever is
The Bastard Sons Of Johnny Cash.

1. Band names should avoid the needlessly stupid: Let's Active - this band name always pissed me off

2. Band names should avoid the needlessly stupid: totally agree on Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Like, what's with the exclamation point?? However, I don't agree with your inclusion of Everything But The Girl, which I like a lot. I would include Minutes From Downtown as a catchy phrase name that isn't needlessy stoopid.

There was a band from Winnipeg in the 1980s called Joe Puke and the Chunky Bits.

The intentional misspellings are so annoying, like the aforementioned Staind.

I think one of the dumbest names is Bananarama.

Let's not forget.....

Accidental Goat Sodomy
Sandy Duncan's Eye
Vic Morrow's Head
Violent Anal Death
New Squids On The Dock

Although, seeing these band names makes me laugh heartily...

THIS SITE SUCKS!!!!

ALL YOU BOLGGERS ARE ASSHOLES!!!!!

GIVE RESPECT TO BANDS... THEY HAVE ACHIEVED A LOT MORE THAN YOU USELESS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

TAKE THIS SITE OF THE NET!!!!!!

Never heard of 'em. What's the matter, CryogenicSoul, another Saturday night and you ain't got nobody?

I agree with CryogenicSoul. All of us BOLGGERS are assholes. And yes, by all means, we should TAKE THIS SITE OF THE NET!!!!!!

haha - CryogenicSoul is hilarious! great name for a band though! Actually another good name would be All Bloggers Are Assholes (although i thought i'd spell bloggers correctly)

you missed a jesus band earlier; Creaming Jesus

i think you covered some great stuff in your article, but i think the worst band name i ever saw was 'Plus Support' - trying to work on the same concept of 'Free Beer' etc. lame.

I think Arch Enemy is a pretty lush band, and there pretty lush anyway. However, Send More Paramedics...what in the world were they thinking? To make matters worse, they dress like they just jmped out of a grave ...

I've had so much reading these, bahaha. "Jesus Chrysler Supercar" I love it!

Some guys from highschool had a band "Midgets in Concrete"..... just in poor taste really.

End of Fashion is an awesome name and an awesome band. Faker is a winner.

Thirsty Merc however.... I'm not so sure...they're named after a petrol guzzling vehicle

"Ultimate Spinach"--were neither ultimate nor spinach--bizarre but true!

did "Jodie Foster's Army" make it on here?--although I like the name

I remember Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash being very active around San Diego in the mid-90's. I hear they even got blessings from the Man In Black himself. Anyway, I always thought Jon Cougar Concentration Camp and REO Speeddealer were great names ruined by litigation. Oh, add Green Jello to that category, too, even though it wasn't quite as great a name.

this blog is a waste of time. "all time" lists are by far worse than any band name.

Someone mentioned Elvis Hitler earlier. Always loved that one.

Sex Clark Five is one of the best.

i just want to say what about "The Fray?" i mean what kind of name is that? i know it didnt take alot of thought.

Send More Paramedics sounds like a line from movie return of the living dead.

the best two band names ever are Joy Division and Soundgarden

I agree with Joy Division. That's a great name, particularly when you know the historical antecedent. While I like Soundgarden, I think that name is a bit sucky. Since when do gardens rock? Unless it's a rock garden, I suppose.

I don't know what category this would be under, but this guy has either the worst, or best stage name ever.

Guy Mann-Dude

What? you left out my band - The Grassy Knolls????? God, if we ever could have done that show with the Lee Harveys, we'd be a household name by now....

Some bands with band members' names are OK too

Dave Matthews Band comes to mind, John Mayer Trio, but who the heck was J. Geils? Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers also a good one.

Disagree with a few.. I like the name Rush (just an interesting one-word name) and you forgot to mention one of the weirdest, non-sensical - Hootie and the Blowfish.. Seriously, Rucker said he was drunk when he thought it up.

There was a terrific band in Melbourne, some years back, called The Ergot Derivative.
Splendid name, I thought.

I gave up reading all the comments about half-way through, so I don't know if anyone mentions the name "Free Beer". This is a name that hotel proprietors will love to write up on their billboards, and so attract plenty of customers --- thereby giving the band plenty of gigs.

Just a quickie in support of UB40 - the name is a form used by the Brits to claim unemployment benefit (as in form UB-40 ) and the band is named UB40 because all members were unemployed and on benefit when the band was formed :D

To me Formula 409 sounds more like a haemorrhoid cream than a household cleanser. But hey, it's all good.

Nice blog!

p.s. Colonel Bruce Hampton and the Aquarium Rescue Unit may sound daft but it's certainly imaginative! :D

Agree with everything other than Sevendust. That is actually a type of pesticide, not some number name concoction.

One of my favorite band names is Mindless Self Indulgence. The lead singer has a pretty bad-ass name: Little Jimmy Urine. Anywho.

HAHAHA! Camp Kill Yourself! Great!

Other good bandnames: GG Allin and The Murder Junkies, Tokyo sex destruction and my own band Creampie in dead Anusboy. The worst must be... Hoobastank is a good candidate

Forgot one: Amazing friendly apple. Yeah!

This article is totally ridiculous. It has no logic to it what so ever. If the Beatles weren't one of the biggest bands ever would have they got one of those "honorable mentions"? You can't say that a certain way of naming a band is horrible and then make exceptions!!

Dear Pete Blackwell,
[Edited] everytime you make exceptions to your little catagories, you completely contradict yourself. Pretty sure i agree with everything sean said. I also think you have way too much spare time. that would have taken you a while to write out and to think of.

Two quick points:

1. Zappa never called his band The Mothers of Invention. It was only, "The Mothers". Verve added the "of Invention" part because they were nervous about the connotations of the name "the Mothers".

2. What, no "special exemption" for Led Zeppelin?

Being old and cranky is kinda cute. Stuck with what works, DUDE.

Special exemption for "The Beatles"?!

That is easily one of the lamest band names ever. Every other name they had, in the various incarnations of the group, was far better.

The Quarry Men was the original lineup. John got them to change the name to "The Beetles" in honor of "The Crickets". Then they changed it to "The Silver Beatles", then "The Beatles".

There really is no point in arguing this point. There talent, charisma and music aside, it was a lame band name.

It is possible to take this article too seriously, you know.

With all joking aside.... "The Darkness" was a brilliant band name but too bad it was wasted on such a Piece of Sh!t band and too bad the kick ass comic by the same name doesn't get any credit...just like "The Killers". If you're gonna name your band with something evil or dark then you should be able to play like F*cking monsters!!

You wanna name that matches the band:
The Golden Gods

Hey, fun article. Still, I am going to argue with you!

I have to say, your "prepositions" rule is pretty questionable, especially when you mention so many band names you like, using them. And come on, "Rage Against the Machine" is a very cool and punk name.

And you are so totally wrong about Fountains of Wayne! Do you even know what the name comes from?

Ever since I was a little kid back in the 70s, there has been this huge garrish store on the side of Route 46 in Wayne, NJ called, you guessed it: Fountains of Wayne. It is full of those huge horrible, tacky white Italian style fountains that people put in front of their houses on their 50-foot wide lots.

I think for that reason, it is an awesome name. And I think the store is still there.

Numbers? Yeah, those are pretty lame. But making an exception for 999 just because it is an emergency number in some obscure country is lame. By that logic, you should make an exception for 311 because that is a police code for indecent exposure somewhere, UB40 because that's an unemployment form, and 808 state because it is a classic drum machine, etc. You were better off without that exception.

MISSPELLINGS! Yes, this is the worst! The Beatles should probably not get an exception, though this is bettern than Led Zep or Monkees or Korn or Gorillaz just because of this: at least it is the tiniest bit clever since "Beat" could refer both to a musical beat and the "Beat Generation" of poets which at least have some relevance to the band. The others are just meaningless misspellings.

Nobody mentioned fake umlauts???

would you be OK with just "Mothers of Invention" or just "Spiders from Mars"? your prepositoin rule makes no sense! kill it.

here is the real reason some of those band names suck:
Puddle of Mudd - moronic misspelling
Archers of Loaf - needlessly stupid
Letters to Cleo - needlessly stupid
Souls at Zero - needlessly stupid
Death Cab for Cutie - needlessly stupid

But what's your problem with: Mouse on Mars? After all, you liked Spiders from Mars !?!

new category needed:

BAND NAMES SHOULD NOT CONTAIN EXCESSIVE PUNCTUATION (AND PUNCTUATION MARKS ARE NOT WORDS):

Pretentious!: !!!
Retarded?: Therapy?
Annoying!: Panic! At the Disco (stupid name draws even more attention to its stupidity)
Goofy!: Godspeed You! Black Emperor
Calm Down!: Alaska!
Footnote?: Stellastarr* (note also: stupid spelling)
(Umm): Sunn O))) - they are just copying the look of the symbol on the Sunn guitar amp
Honorable Mention: ? and the Mysterians (OK, at least this one is kinda cute)
Exception: Prince's unpronouncable symbol. At the time this seemed like the most pretentiously stupid name ever. But eventually we found out he changed to this horrible name just to spite his record company who was screwing him over. So that's pretty cool.


SUBCATEGORY:

YOUR BAND NAME IS NOT A GERMAN WORD SO YOU DON'T NEED ALL THOSE UMLAUTS

Ugh: Mötley Crüe (worse since it's also misspelled)
Huh? Blue Öyster Cult (and a senseless name anyway)
Grr: Motörhead (an otherwise cool name turned a bit goofy)
Honorable Mention: Countless heavy metal bands
Exception: Spın̈al Tap. Note also the missing dot on the "i". Obviously a joke about the rest of these bands. Classic.

SPINAL TAP - that's what I said in that last post.

OK, this is stupid: in your preview window, the weird characters in the Spinal Tap name were handled correctly, but at least in my browser in the final post I only see the character codes. :(

You're making quite a stink, smellygirl. I never said my laws weren't arbitrary.

For the record, Rage Against the Machine is not a cool name and they weren't punk.

And no, I would not be OK with just Spiders from Mars or Mothers of Invention.

I don't care if Fountains of Wayne is a billboard on Rte 46. In fact, that makes it a lot lamer.

I chose to only make one exception to the number bands rule because it's so damn insidious. If I allow 311 because it's a police code for indecent exposure, I'd also have to think that 5150 was an awesome name for an album because it's the police code for someone going "absolutely fucking crazy", as Sammy Hagar informed concert goers during the halcyon days of the 1987 Van Halen world tour, and I'm just not willing to take that step.

It's interesting that you mention umlauts and punctuation since those are included in part two of my Worst Band Names Ever offering, which was published in an obscure and now defunct Australian rock magazine (for no money). I will post it to Blogcritics so you all will be able to benefit from my arbitrary wisdom.

Part two of the Worst Band Names Ever is up here.

Wow, what a list.
I didn't see
Aztec Camera (sucks)
Pink Floyd (excellent)
Led Zeppelin (One of the best ever)

Hysterical list - did anyone mention Aussie band The Fuck Fucks? Best name ever...

Who the fuck are the Fuck Fucks?

And yes, Aztec Camera blows. Although so do Led Zep and Pink Floyd. Not quite as bad, though.

you forgot the epileptic hamsters.....

Personal favorite was mentioned to me some years ago by a friend of mine named Trampas... Jimmy Ebola and the Children McNuggets... Great friggin' name!

most of the bands you list have been successful and have made millions of dollars. You have no basis or measurement for your comparisons, band names should be weighed on the success of there identities.. what makes you the be all and end all in what a band name should be

My basement is unfinished, so I spend little time down there.

As for your suggestion that a band name should be judged on the financial success of the band itself, well, that's a terrible idea. It makes no sense and it totally strips any aesthetic sense from the process of naming a band.

By your logic, the number of records sold should also be the only criteria for determining if a band's music is any good. I don't know about you, but I'm not going to go that far to defend Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey.

Music is more than just another commercial product. Record sales tell you what's popular, not necessarily what's good. The record-buying public is notoriously bad at determining the latter.

As H.L. Mencken once said, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public." Perhaps this quote will have some resonance with you.

Here are some of my favorites:
Lothar And The Hand People
Helen Wheels
Surf Pistols

and of course
Black Flag -best band name ever

Four Jacks and a Jill IS a real band - from South Africa, mid-sixties on into the eighties. One hit in America - a folky thing called Master Jack.

on the other hand, my two favorite worst band names never even made it to MySpace, though it's hard to say whether that's because MySpace didn't exist in the eighties, because the bands didn't last long enough, or because the names were just too dumb.

Sects with Children - this was tasteless in the eighties and is even worse now

The Snot Vampires - this is from a reference in a science fiction anthology called Dangerous Visions, compiled by Harlan Ellison. He referred to a submitted story that was too gross even for him, that he did not publish.

As long as you're doing the noun thing, why not a band called Noun? I suppose you should have done it in the nineties...

And why is Led Zeppelin better than Iron Butterfly? I always thought they spelled it that way so they wouldn't have to put up with interviewers asking about who plays lead zeppelin and who plays rhythm. Pagey had NO sense of humor at the time.

How about Dead Kennedys or Sex Pistols or Mission of Burma? (I liked all those names)

Nick Nostril and the Nose Pickers

...and who could forget their no. 1 single, "Get That Boogie"

what do u think of "side project" and "squirrel cage"

I just found this and I'm having a blast reading all your comments.

I was in a band that performed one show as The Ford Tempo Pilots. I always liked that one.

What do you folks think about Moses Sane or The Sane Cats?

first thing I think DragonForce is a BRUTAL name!! And as a joke my band thoght of these names:
1) LIFE!
2) Green Wind and the Apple Blossoms
3) Shane and the Bagpipe Brothers
XD

but a neat name I thought of was One Last Resort Till Madness

kisschasey - not a bad band though

limp bizkit i dont think is spelt wrong, its a masturbation game

Great list, however like the rest, I do disagree with a few of them...Anyways

My favorite band name for sure is
"A Chicken's Dilemma" named after watching an atrocious German beastiality flik, where some dude with a HUGE cock fucks this poor chicken to death. thus giving birth to the best band name EVER ! !

Lame. Godspeed! you black emperor is a tight name.

You forgot Led Zeppelin (Lead Zepplin) seriously

Lamb of God Rocks

Switchfoot?

Awesome band, what about the name?

Stabbing Westward

Flaming Lips

No offense, but don't you think you are taking band names just a BIT too seriously????

but i agree, hoobastank is one of the worst band names (not worst band) EVER.

what about
goblin cock
anal cunt
alexisonfire

That's Mr. Mister Mister to you pal!!

Suddenly Tammy is a bad band name.

Other acceptable number bands include 999 (British emergency phone number), U2 (spy plane) and Five for Fighting (obscure hockey reference).

Yet you call foul on UB40, which is (or used to be) the form you filled out in Britain in order to claim unemployment benefits.

Back in the band's heyday of the early 80s - the Thatcher era with its record unemployment - the name UB40 was a provocative political statement.

The best band name ever: The Brian Jonestown Massacre.

Worst name ever: Prince's stupid symbol. Another good rule is to pick a name that can actually be pronounced.

dude, i don't usually bash on blogs and such, but linkin park is a real place, its not intentionally missed spelled and neither its the beatles, so before you talk about bands, get your shit straight, but nice job

I think a good 75% of outfits formerly associated with Throbbing Gristle violate these criteria. I mean, Thee Majesty? Coil? Current 93? Not that the names are bad, though, in my opinion...

Swans is a good exception, considering the irony in it in their formative years.

"Godspeed You! Black Emperor" was a 1950's Japanese documentary on a youth biker gang called the Black Emperors. Namely, it isn't stupid, just frustrating.

I think that early '70s German bands should be exempted from the "No One Word Names" rule. There were surprisingly many, and most were fairly clever.

what about a name like.... My Mother Has An Adam's Apple? good, bad?

I think blink-182 should be an exception, because they were originally only 'blink', but they had to change their name because of an Irish band who had it first.

I can not believe no one mentioned S.O.D.(stormtroopers of death)! Great name!M.O.D. (Method of destruction)

best band name ever:

paedophile scoutmaster.

hahahaha.

the worst name of a band i ever heard was horny flaming rainbow but monkeys.i swear to god it`s a real band name.