Woe Is I
Published May 17, 2005
That guy is hot! That guy is cool! Hot and cool are opposites, yet they mean the same thing when talking about that guy. My Polish grandmother is going to polish her silverware. Amazing what a difference a capital P makes. The knight rides at night in the rain and gets pneumonia. Here we go again with weird English usage. Kn, n, and pn are pronounced the same.
English has many rules not found in other languages. For instance, most languages use articles with every noun. A, an, and the aren't always chaperoning the nouns, which is a challenge for non-native English speakers to learn.
English speakers are no help when they get their own language wrong. For example, many use anxious and eager interchangeably. When you're excited and can't wait to do something, you're eager. Anxious means feeling nervous where there is anxiety. If a child says, "I'm anxious about going to school," is she looking forward to it or is she uneasy about it? It's the latter.
Woe Is I covers this and other problems in the "Verbal Abuse" chapter. The infamous lie and lay; who and whom; farther and further; and bad and badly are covered. Did you know hopefully is used incorrectly? I've been guilty of it and it's hard changing the habit because it fits at the beginning of a sentence or acts like an introductory word. While we can start sentences with actually, thoughtfully, and happily; hopefully doesn't belong with the introductory clique. It's an adverb. O'Conner writes, "...introductory words that we use not to describe a word, which is what adverbs usually do, but to describe our own attitude to the statement that follows."
Would you believe that saying, "I'm nauseous" is incorrect? Well, if it's true, it means you make other people nauseated. Nauseous is the something that makes you sick. Those suffering from morning sickness say, "I'm nauseated from the nauseous pregnancy (or coffee smell, perfume, or whatever causes it)."
O'Conner does a fine job of clarifying the problems and explaining the correct usage. In a few places, the explanation isn't suitable and the reader might not understand how to do it right after reading it.
With chapter titles like "Therapy for Pronoun Anxiety," "Comma Sutra," and "The Possessives and the Possessed," it's easy to infer the book adds a dash of humor. Having written a few articles on grammar with humor to make it fun and easier to remember, I've learned how hard it is to do it. Don't expect to fall down laughing, but look forward to a smile here and there.
The talk of grammar books for this year is
Final lesson: If the word is singular, add 's regardless of its ending including proper names like Alex's and Alexis'. Yet, a few pages later, the book indicates it's customary to drop the final s when using possessives in ancient classical names like Hercules' and Achilles'. Don't you love the English language?
Meryl is a grammar geek who doesn't always get it right.
- Woe Is I
- Published: May 17, 2005
- Type: Review
- Section: Books
- Filed Under: Books: Humor, Books: Nonfiction, Books: Reference
- Writer: Meryl
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Comments on this articleComments
That should be missing when their required.
Brilliant. I also like the additional books you've added. Online chatting makes me crazy. I keep trying to use correct grammar when I can, but man chatters are a lazy breed.
My own bete noir is "that" when referring to a person: "Jeeves is the guy that you should ask."
I know it's confusing, because it's perfectly correct to say "that guy" to specify.
And in terse beauty of English, my initial preference would be to omit the pronoun entirely: "Jeeves is the guy you should ask." Or take out "the guy," and the correct choice is obvious - you wouldn't say "Jeeves is that you should ask," but "Jeeves is who you should ask" works.
Still, when people speak, they don't usually have their editors running. So I grit my teeth with each new radio host or TV commenter that misuses this pronoun.
[grin]
I know Richard Lederer disagrees with me on this.
I don't care.
My beef is with the misuse of the first person singular personal pronoun. While such misuse is rampant throughout the country, it is extremely common in staff meetings and the like.
"...if you have any questions, talk to Fred or I."
"...if you'd like to volunteer, talk to Michelle, I or Roger."
"...me and Louis are beginning a project..."
your v. you're drives me batty
i drive by a used car lot every day that has the follow message on a sign:
"No Credit? Your Approved!"
right, like i'm gonna go there now!
Studying semi-permanent publications (menus, posters, flyers, etc.) is another hobby of mine. It's insane that restaurants don't ask someone with a high school diploma to proof a menu before going to press / the photocopier.
the best stuff can come with product instructions.
check out this entry taken from a Ni-Cd battery charger:
"Fig. 4. After 2 hours the batteries are charged 100% of its capacity, charged will then be charge to TRICKLE charge mode for the continuly and green Led is blink, after a few hours the batteries are charged more 100% of its capacity."
for some reason, the typo 'continuly' makes all the difference.
Wow -- that does take the prize. It's crazy that a product would be shipped with these "instructions."
And with many writer/editors out there, I'm sure, looking for work!
I frequently tell the waitroid at restaurants "You have lasagna spelled wrong."
"No we don't."
"Yes, you do. Lasagna is singular, and it means a single lasagna noodle. You mean the plural, lasagne."
"Huh? Whuddevah."
I hope Duane intented all them mis-takes in that first comment up their.
For those of you living in NYC, "Woe Is I" author Patricia T. O'Conner is regularly featured on NPR on the Leonard Lopate radio show every couple of weeks between 12 and 2 pm., complete with listener call-ins.
More grammar goofs? See here. Planned to move them to a CMS, but who has the time???
Actually, you can use either 's or s' at the end of nouns ending in "s". Just as long as you stay consistent, you can use it.
I believe it's pretty much the same with "toward" and "towards."
Boy, there is nothing more fun than a bunch of grammar nerds haggling. Except maybe a bunch of linguists doing the same. My wife is a French linguist and self professed grammar nerd. Yeah, she's a hoot at parties.
And in terse beauty of English, my initial preference would be to omit the pronoun entirely: "Jeeves is the guy you should ask." Or take out "the guy," and the correct choice is obvious - you wouldn't say "Jeeves is that you should ask," but "Jeeves is who you should ask" works.
Of course, the best solution is to make it active, not passive: "You should ask Jeeves." Or just plain old, "Ask Jeeves."
Death to the passive voice! Er, make that, Kill the passive voice!
As always, bhw, you must prevail in these discussions.
After all, "bitch has *word*"
what's the grammer thingie for when the word "one" is used like:
"when one considers the fate of the.."
man, i've always hated that.
There is always a dispute as to whether on should write write properly, or write in the informal way people speak. The nature of my work requires that I write both clearly and concisely, and I seek to use proper grammar in written work, including posting here. I hate to say it, but if some native English speaker is grammatically unintelligible, I probably won't get through whatever they write.
Now in formal communication, like IM, there are few rules, it's like conversation.
Die, passive voice, die! (Better, bhw?)
Yes! It would be best if the passive voice killed itself, saving us the trouble. ;-)
"remove support from the legs of the passive voice and it shall topple of its own decadence and indolence!"
This book review has been selected for Advance.net. You'll be able to find this and other Blog Critics reviews at such places as Cleveland.com's Book Reviews column.
Hi, I'm from Argentina and I'm studying this amazing language and I would like to know what the difference between 'Often and oftenly'is , because I've heard people use the latter in a context like this -I play football oftenly- but often is the one that should be used because it is an adverb.
as a foreigner I often notice americans using the "there's" in a plural context in spoken English. Such as "there's more cards in the box". When is hould be "there're". The interesting thing is that other americans do not realize of it until I bring it up. It is possible that There's may be phonetically easier that there're. Of the many mistakes I make, this one is not in the list.
You're absolutely right, Lucas. And there's not there're -- I can see why. A few times I caught myself using there's when it should be there are. Bad habit!
Haven't read "Woe is I" yet because I'm stuck in Ukraine till next spring, but "me" in the phrase "Woe is me" is an example of the oblique case. Hopefully, you can all get a copy of linguist John McWhorter's book where he explains that, and why "hopefully" is in fact correct usage.
Mark, you wondered about using "one" as the subject of a sentence. English stems from German and German uses the word "man" to begin sentences that concern an unknown individual or individuals. It's called the impersonal construction and is perfectly correct. English also comes from French and at least "one" is better than the French impersonal, "tout le monde," literally "all the world." My French is rusty, maybe they have a different impersonal.
I figured out by living in Ukraine that we also use "one" in phrases like "Holy One" or "loved ones" for two reasons: to replace the adjective endings that have dropped out of English, since we can't use a bare adjective as the object of a sentence; and because, in both German and French, from which English comes, the indefinite article "a" is also the number "one." What kind of car do you have? I have a small gray one. In German your answer would be "Ich habe einen kleinen grauen." The word "einen" covers both "a" and "one".
"And in terse beauty of English, my initial preference would be to omit the pronoun entirely: "Jeeves is the guy you should ask." Or take out "the guy," and the correct choice is obvious - you wouldn't say "Jeeves is that you should ask," but "Jeeves is who you should ask" works.
Of course, the best solution is to make it active, not passive: "You should ask Jeeves." Or just plain old, "Ask Jeeves." "
Death to the passive voice! Er, make that, Kill the passive voice!
Actually, that is not the passive voice. "Jeeves is the guy" is the main clause, and "you should ask that guy" is the subordinated clause. Neither is passive. It's simply an example of hypotaxis.
Jeeves is WHOM you should ask, surely?
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Some of the abuses that I oftenly notice involve:
effect vs. affect (It effects one's credibility, which can have an adverse affect on one's career))
loan vs. lend (friends, Romans, countrymen, loan me your ears)
less vs. fewer (Their are less people going into science these days. )
it's vs. its (its time for this abuse to meet it's demise)
their, there, they're (I wish less people committed this error. What's there deal? Anyway?)
you vs. I (this abuse is well known to you and I)
And what is the deal with apostrophe's these days? Their they're when they shouldnt be and missing their required.