End of Star Wars and Star Trek Causes Nerd Population Explosion
Published April 25, 2005
They’re totally gonna get laid.
Written by Joe Wilson
WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – As "Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith," the final film in George Lucas' prequel trilogy, hits screens and the last of the Star Trek franchises, "Enterprise" airs the final episode, the U.S. Census Bureau projects that the total population of nerds will increase by 30 to 35%.
Over 30,000 nerds from around the world gathered in Indianapolis for the largest official "Star Wars" convention ever held, which is referred to in the U.S. Census Bureau study as "the epicenter of the nerd population explosion."
According to U.S. Census Bureau spokesperson, Walter Hurley, "The number of nerd females has increased over the past twelve years and, although only five females are in attendance at the ‘Star Wars’ convention, a 400% increase from past conventions, all are expected to reproduce due to their choice of Princess Leia costumes."
Dressed as a storm trooper, Joe Restino, 37, of Bennington, VT, weighed in on the end of his life’s work - being a "Star Wars" fan. "Mr. Lucas says this is the last film and without another one to look forward to and more items for my collectable museum to get, I’m thinking maybe it’s time to focus on the ladies.’"
Walter Hurley confirmed that the largest contributor to the nerd population boom is the simultaneous end of both "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." Hurley explained, "Without the distraction of these two sci-fi staples, the male nerd population will seek out females who are willing to indulge in, as we say in the census business, pity put outs."
- End of Star Wars and Star Trek Causes Nerd Population Explosion
- Published: April 25, 2005
- Type: Satire
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
- Writer: PoopyCaca
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I find reading the comment above out loud in a really nerdy voice makes it all the more hilarious.
thanks Joe, another winner
is "Cmdr" "Commander" or "Commodore"? And is it possible to be cuter and nerdier at the same time?
I'm back. Cmdr is Commander and CmdrSue is my Star Trek club name/online identity. Can you get any nerdier than that?
The voice? Neither nasal nor nerdy. Sorry.
Cuter? On the outside. Nerdier? On the inside. If you don't know us we pass for normal.
Slowly,
the basement doors of parents countrywide begin to open. Light filters in, the smell of must seeps out. 40 year old men emerge to demand more tang, and quietly return.
Careful, Lono, there's TangTM and there's tang. Both which work in the sentence but render entirely different meanings.
funny, scary
Good point. You can be assured I was referencing the orange drink. Right now, nerds worldwide are scrambling to find other meaning implied.
ROFL. Although my husband and I got a jump on the population explosion. Our daughter was born March 1st. Enterprise was already dead for us and waiting for the new Star Wars movie was taking too long ;-)
We do have another one planned now that the nerd tv shows and movies are gone.
We might get one more before Berman/Braga bring us yet another 'winner' or Lucas decides that yes he really would like to do episodes 7-9.
Episodes 7-9 will all revolve around Jar-Jar as the central character.
Mark my words.
If there's one thing that will slow down population growth, it's Jar-Jar.
PoopyCaca, you need to read Bimbos of the Death Sun by Sharyn McCrumb, if you haven't already.
I'm not familiar with it. I only read things on the Internet and listen to music made by attractive people.
Is there a secret in this book that you could divulge or at least give me the page number? I'd hate to have to read an entire book again.
Some of us already emerged when Farscape ended. Star Trek and Star Wars ended for real fans long ago.
Hey,
Googled something which has absolutely no relevance to this topic and got this thread :O. I had a few spare minutes so decided to read it, had a good laugh.
I cant say i have had much contact with real nerds, i mean, other than thouse when i was at school. I guess its a hole subculture which i feel is propably overlooked most of the time.
I enjoyed programs like Babylon5 and both Star Wars Trilogies but i think it was because of the cool ships and cg :p
Well happy nerding :p
ME
During the 10th century in an undocumented war, valiant nerds were fighting evil people who call themselves cool.
The war was fought for sever decades, and cost many lives on both sides. It ended only after the showdown battle between the legendary hero Glass Boy and Mr. Muscles.
Mr. Muscle's bruteforce technqiues ultimately lost to the brilliant tatician, but not without a fatal wound.
The point of this historical reference? Err, I somehow manage to outlive everyone! HEHAHAHAHA
Jar-jar? It took you THAT long? LOL, the Ewoks did it in for me! What is it about Lucas? 'S a pity he got beaten to LOTR; he really, really would have liked working with hobbits.
As CmdrSue said us female nerds are not as rare as you might think.. I am both a Star Trek fan and a Star Wars fan...And Im single to boot..LOL
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Amusing... But as a female nerd I have to point out that we're not THAT rare. I even have a cuter, nerdier sister. And no, I won't give you her phone number.