The Duke Reads "If Chins Could Kill" By Bruce Campbell
Published April 09, 2005
The last thing anyone sane of the mind wants to sit down with of an evening is a book all about "As Monroe said to me one time…" or "Spielberg just adored my vegetable curry" or how every motherfucker to have pointed a camera in the direction of the subject was "the nicest person you could ever hope to meet", and thank God, Bruce Campbell doesn't for a second want to be bothered with that sorta bullshit neither.
You just know Bruce is gonna turn out to be the nicest sonna bitch you ever did read about. There's no heirs and graces with him, not a shred of pretension or self-delusion. He just wanders around from set to set, sometimes a bit part in some flick about a giant talking monkey, sometimes a lead role in some flick about a giant talking monkey but with a much smaller budget, sometimes a supporting role in a TV show about Hercules, sometimes a lead role in his very own telly show about Brisco County Jnr. Whatever it is, he goes about his business, hanging out with crew members and gofers (as in "go fer this…" "go fer that…"), the kinda folks you never hear about in these "tell all" exposes.
There's no talk of drug-fuelled orgies or snorting coke off of the arse of Belgian lingerie models. For one thing, Bruce seems to have been terrified by the idea of the sexing until well into his twenties. Turns out too, that the ladies weren't exactly mourning his lack of drive in that particular area.
And the whole thing is funny as all bejeesus, especially the stuff concerning Sam Raimi, "Bane of my existence". Raimi's gleeful and relentless tormenting of Bruce, both on-camera and off, makes for glorious reading. Again and again, Raimi expresses his love for his friend by tearing his very spirit asunder; The young Raimi sticking a pencil ever deeper into Bruce's back whilst he's trying to answer a question from a teacher, or telling another teacher how Campbell "does a great impression of you" just before Bruce is due to arrive for class, or maybe Raimi the Director devising ever more malicious methods of crushing Campbell mentally and physically throughout the shooting of not only the Evil Dead pictures, but right through his career. At one point, Campbell taking a trip to the set of his pal's latest picture results in Raimi demanding that Bruce get into make-up, come on out and get the hell in front of the camera so as he can be beaten senseless by another character. As the scene comes to a bloody end, Raimi cheerfully announces that ain't no-one ever gonna see it.
The Duke (Aaron McMullan to his parents and the clergy) is a Northern Irish writer, performer and insomniac currently residing in London. He is the creator of Mondo Irlando, wherein his scribblings and hollerings can be found. He is currently working towards the completion of his first novel, and his debut "punk / country / folk / whatever" album has recently been released by Ex Libris Records . You can also pop by His MySpace Page and maybe have a coffee and a biscuit.
- The Duke Reads "If Chins Could Kill" By Bruce Campbell
- Published: April 09, 2005
- Type: Review
- Section: Books
- Filed Under: Books: Nonfiction, Books: Entertainment, Books: Biography
- Writer: Duke De Mondo
- Duke De Mondo's BC Writer page
- Duke De Mondo's personal site
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He's pretty motherfuckin good isn't he? He'll figure it out soon enough. Best yet - I don't think it'll go to his motherfucking head.
I'm putting this comment on my resume by the way.
Kirsten showed up at the singing for my book, doesn't she do that for everyone?
Duke -- Yet another brilliant foray into madness, filmic lore, and the everlong quest of she that we must to refer to as She.
Evil Dead II is one of my favorite movies of all time, certainly Top 5. I've often strived to be both badass and goofy enough to say "Who's laughing now?" Anyway, the scene when everything in the house is laughing at our poor Ash is one of the best and funniest I've ever seen in my life.
Campbell was once described to me as the "best bad actor of all time." Does he get into his famous broad screen persona? I think he's great, personally, and he turned Bubba Ho-Tep from a ho hum number into a fun romp of a flick.
I had no idea that Campbell and Raimi went back to school days together. Very cool stuff.
I've seen this book at the bookstore a few times, and I had that longing feeling... please Lord (of your choice), grant me the 12-15 hours needed to get through this surely bountiful and entertaining retrospective...
thanks all!
and if it needs a further reccomendation, and i think it does, this book fucking rules beyond reason.
But if he thinks i'll forget the trauma, hurt, agony, slight flu, he can think again. and this time, he better think the exact opposite.
It's "airs and graces", Duke. Not sure how one would put on 'heirs'. Putting your kid on your shoulders perhaps? :-)
This book review has been selected for Advance.net. You'll be able to find this and other Blog Critics reviews at such places at Cleveland.com's Book Reviews column.
nice one eric, cheers. good editing job, too.
dave; "Not sure how one would put on 'heirs'. Putting your kid on your shoulders perhaps? :-)"
exactly. bruce didn't do that once.
ahem.
A damn fine review, Duke, and now I'm feeling the need to rush out and pick this one up. Sounds highly entertaining--not unexpected, coming from Bruce Motherfucking Campbell.
thanks Joel. and yeah, entertaining as hell. incidentally, does anyone have any info on his forthcoming Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way? as i illustrate in the review, this knowledge would have been very useful a while back.
I was not that familiar with Bruce Campbell when my sister loaned me her book. It was a great read! We read the book because he knows our cousins and talks about them in the book. Recommended whether or not you're a Bruce fan.
Hysterical review, Duke! Fans of Bruce Campbell ("Evil Dead", "Army of Darkness", "Xena: Warrior Princess", "The Adventures of Brisco County Jr", "Jack of All Trades") may be interested in meeting Bruce during his tour for his audio version of the book "Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way" September 27-30, 2005 in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle and Portland. His second book continues the "B" movie theme with a fictional (?) bumbling B-movie actor Bruce Campbell scoring an A-list film; hilarity ensues. The audio book is narrated by Bruce himself as well as a host of other actors! More about the book and tour is on his site at www.bruce-campbell.com. Cheers!
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This has got to be the best reviews of Bruce's book I've come across yet!
I'm still laughing, not at your pain and heartache mind you-- If I didn't own the book already I would have to grab a Boomstick and chainsaw, kill a few Deadites and get one--or just buy it from Amazon.com!
Seriously Duke--you add much color and flavor to an otherwise hum-drum profession.
Now I have to read "If Chin's Could Kill" again--along with all your other reviews.