The Vatican Menace
Published April 05, 2005
But the College will never surrender their carefully hoarded dictatorial powers willingly? No. They will Conclave and name their Pope in secret unless the world does something to stop their outrageous grab for power.
We must invade and occupy the Vatican City.
It is the only way that the Catholic Church can be made safe for democracy. Inside their secretive cloisters, we have solid intelligence sources (code-named Screwball and Unreliable) who indicate that the Cardinals and the Curia are plotting to call down a plague from God upon us all, once they have manipulated the hand of their chosen candidate into the Fisher's Ring. If we hesitate now, the first sign of their plot could be the angel of death flying over and killing our first-borns. These Red Garbed Menaces threaten our way of life. They would outlaw war, tax us all 10% of our incomes, and force us to care for the poor and unfortunate, possibly even make us touch Ebola victims. Only if we strike now, and strike hard, can we ensure the freedom of Catholics everywhere and the safety of the free world.
The first non-Cardinate candidate from the United States for Pope has already announced his intent to run and has the backing of the U.S. Government: The Honorable Antonin Scalia.
For the humor impaired: yes, this is satire. And no, I didn't want to use weapons of "Mass" destruction... too obvious :)
- The Vatican Menace
- Published: April 05, 2005
- Type:
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire, Politics: International
- Writer: Michael D. Bryan
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Michael sez..
*We must invade and occupy the Vatican City.*
ok..satire or not..this one i can get behind..
i could care less who gets to be the new Pontiff, or any of the church shyte..
i wanna get down to the basement and see what's in the "secret" libraries and vaults
can you possibly imagine the Loot they have down there that has been gathered...undisturbed for what...well over 1500 years!!
OMFG...
all the history, books, scrolls...general Wisdom..that conflicted with Doctrine and Dogma..
stashed away from the sight of the world..
Plato's Comedia..only rumored to have ever existed..
stuff from Alexandria..
Pagan works from europes past...hell, from the world over..
tomes of "magicke" and "witch craft"
it totally bloggles my mind
who's with me?
Excelsior!
YES! Time for a "Regime Change" in one of the most dangerous and hostile countries in the world~~~ one of those weird little nations called a "pricipality"---along with Monaco, Luxembourg, Lichtenstein, etc., ~~we're speaking of the nefarious VATICAN----which is legally a country of it's own within the borders of the nation of Italy~~the Vatican is NOT subject to laws of Italy; did everybody know that? I am dead serious--this is NOT satire... look it up--Google it if you want (you can "google" me while you're at it--tie me down first and use a feather!) ...
But REALLY: we need to strike 1st---a pre-emptive nuclear attck--we need to try out those tactical small nuclear bunker busters on St Peter's ~~catch them while they are in Conclave. Don't let them get out! We missed Saddam a few times--out intelligence is MUCH better NOW, eh!
NO fewking nukes fer Bog's sake!!
i want the Libraries!!
then you folks can do what yas like..
but, free the books..
Excelsior!
OK! A perfect time to test the NEUTRON bomb---on the Vatican!
Supposedly it only kills people--leaves all the physical infrastructure in place ....
But Nah~~~~
look at how all this book learning has promulgated all theese insiduous left-wing liberals (like ME!) ----nah~~~let's burn all the books!!!!
The Vatican library supposedly has the most extensive occult collection in the earth~~~
Some "insiders" have related that the astrological section contains more than is know by any outside groups--including verification od an astrological technique some professional astrologers have referenced to many years of how using the Ascendant and Moon sign in conjunction can provide a time window each month that, give or take a 2 hour span, can precisely--to a 99.8% degree offer a woman a virtual foolproof and "natural" form of birth control--and the correlative opposite: a 2 hour window each month when the most likely time to GET pregnant would be ...........
but the Catholic church, even though it has known about and had in it's very own library underneath the Vatican THIS very same information, cannot very well come out and "ENDORSE" Astrology, can it ???
Strange, even though the man Jesus Christ was said by many ancient manuscripts to have been a very competent astrologer Himself .........
And lest we forget ~~~~~~~~~remember those three "Wise Men" ~~~~ the Chaldean Nobles who came "seeking Him" "following the Star" ............
Now just WHAT do you think these three "Wise" men from chaldea WERE ? Could they have been ASTROLGERS! Duh!!! Great guess Sherlock!
But that doesn't rea;;y fit in with the "official" Catholic/ Vatican doctrine---don't they try to convey to us that this is "fortunetelling" or something sinister and demonic--satanic even ?????
Hmmmmmmmmm.....just a little food for thought ...
maybe Bush could invade and install another successful democracy...
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I moved this post over to the Culture section and assigned it to the Humor/Satire subcategory.