If Ted Nugent and I ever met, I'm sure our conversation would consist of long, awkward pauses, much clearing of the throat, some uncomfortable silence, and maybe a few mumbled words about his music. On my part that is.

Ted Nugent would no doubt spend the whole time whooping and hollering before shooting me and then hauling my carcass off to be turned into beef jerky. And yet for some reason I think I'd be OK with that.

Ted Nugent and I don't have a lot in common. Ted enjoys hunting for his food, and I enjoy microwaving mine. Ted likes the outdoors, and I hope that mankind completely ruins the atmosphere so we all have to move into huge underground cities. Ted's also into God now, and Jesus and I had a falling out over Him constantly leaving his dirty dishes in the sink. Yet, I find myself drawn to his music.

There's something about the guitar soloing of a demented redneck that speaks to something deep within my soul. When I found out Ted Nugent would be playing a show in Philadelphia, I was powerless to resist his rustic charms.

I feel awkward and uncomfortable almost everywhere I go, yet I felt particularly out of place at the Trocadero a few weeks ago. As one of the few people in attendance without a mullet or camouflage ensemble, I felt like an impostor. If anyone there had known that I was taping Gilmore Girls so I could watch it after the concert, I probably would have been shot on the spot. Ted Nugent's co-headliner for the tour, Toby Keith, was not appearing at this date. Which is just as well, as I have a very low tolerance for country music. But the lack of an opening act meant there was a lot of standing around before Ted actually graced us with his presence.

Finally, the strains of Ray Charles' version of "America the Beautiful"could be heard through the Trocadero's speakers. I had heard that back in the 70s Ted Nugent used to take the stage by swinging on a rope a la Tarzan, but it seems he doesn't do that anymore. Instead he came out waving an American flag and playing "The Star Spangled Banner". Then he started playing "Snakeskin Cowboys", which was just as rockin' as it is on vinyl. In the middle of the song he started talking about how the song was dedicated to "real, American cowboys", in this case the various branches of the armed forces and George W. Bush (How the Bush family went from being the epitome of Rockefeller Republicans to authentic residents of the heartland, I'll never know).

The crowd cheered wildly; considering what a heavily Democratic town Philadelphia is, this was probably the largest collection of Republicans in the city since the 2000 national convention. These were proud conservatives - fans of hard work, traditional values, and the idea that Ann Coulter's Adam's apple is just a figment of the imagination. And they were all absolutely nuts for Ted Nugent.

Ted was just getting warmed up. He played classics like "Wango Tango", "Free for All", and "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" with the kind of ferocity and enthusiasm you'd expect from a man half his age. His trademark stage banter was also present, although to tell you the truth I didn't really understand much of what he was talking about.