God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world!

I'm wearing ORANGE today...

An Irishman, Englishman and Scottsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his glass away and demands another draw.

The Scottsman picks the fly out of his pint, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

I've heard that the best Guinness is made and consumed in Ireland.

Strange related story: I said the exact words I wrote above in a crappy little bar in Long Island, New York circa 1997 or so. Some drunk guy, upon overhearing me say that, exclaimed "Fuck Ireland!" and proceeded to make a run at me. Thankfully, I had several of my most roughneck/local friends with me, so I wasn't worried. And in any case, the guy was so drunk that I doubt he could have gotten very far.

And let's not forget that St. Patrick was a Scotsman, and the great irony that no matter how fine the Irish are, it took a Scotsman to chase out their snakes and set them on the track to Christianity. Another example of how the Scots rule the world.

Dave

UH EXCUSE ME:

Patrick was an Italian asshole named Paricanus----

was kidnapped and brought to Ireland as a child--escaped when he was about 19--went back to Rome--beacame a priest--then a bishop--cause he kissed everybody's ass at the Vatican.
Also he was almost illiterate and wrote in one of his memoirs how inept he felt about that.

There were NO FUCKING SNAKES in IRELAND asshole! The snake thing is a metaphor for the Pagans who revered snakes in their faith---the same Pagans who had lived peacefully for thousands of years before patrick the vatican ass0sucking fag was sent to IRELAND to eliminat and kill all the pagans---he was a very cruel, brutal sadistic asshole--just like the members of the Inquisition in the vatican that tortured and murdered over 8 million innocent people over three hundred years~~~~

FUCK "st" patrick---he was the worst thing that ever happened to peaceful IRELAND-----until the English went and raped the island...!!!!!

In those days---if they ever caught any IRISH speaking their native Gaelic language---they were EXECUTED!

well, certainly he didn't rid ALL snakes, if the testimony of my past lady-friends are to believed.


cause one time they found this snake in my kitchen.

Patrick was NOT Italian. He was probably a Romanized briton born on land which is now part of Scotland. There's no evidence he ever travelled to Rome prior to being kidnapped and taken to Ireland.

And regardless of whether the snakes are a metaphor, there are no snakes in Ireland, now are there - and there are snakes everywhere else. You come up with a better explanation.

Dave

maybe the snakes realised the weather was shit.

Aaron when we're all done farting around and joking about Ireland, I'd love your prespective on our prespective of Ireland.

:-)

That joke above I first heard was regarding a Scotsman - and I'm Scottish on my mom's side of the family - the Anderson clan (we have our own kilt and colors) and I think there's a lot of truth to it.

i dunno man. I'm not even sure what MY perspective of ireland is. I do know, however, that i always feel very sorry for the reams of tourists wandering around every summer, looking for long-lost ancestors and the like, expecting some idyllic Quiet Man-esque scene and being presented with a council estate and a buncha young hoodlums smokin blow on the corner.

one of the very first things i published on blogcritics, in fact, were the following;

The Duke's Guide To Ireland Part 1

and

The Duke's Guide To Ireland Part 2

...there, standing in the pouring rain, clutching maps and little books that tell of the lineage of McKillop or Greer or O'Donaghan, stand soaked and disgruntled tourists, pointing at the site where their Great Uncle Garret once lived, a site now inhabited by a lingerie store... comparing the green hills and white houses on the cardboard [postcard] to the much less appealing Virgin Megastore they were standing in front of.

Wonderful stuff, Duke!

heh, thanks pat!

Tristan, I strongly suggest you actually read something about the patron saint of Ireland before you post any more - the classic history by John Bury is included in my links; that's a good place to start.

It's now conceded by most historians that Ireland has never been infested by snakes, and that the legend of Padhraig dring out snakes is a metaphor for the conquest of paganism by the Bishop. And as the Irish Times Online points out, "...it's just plain weird that only us and New Zealand don't have them."

Scotland?Go back to school lads.St.Paddy was from Wales, not Scotland!

Another word of wisdom from the Young Irelander about the day:

...remember - it's not about how much green you wear; it's about how much green you throw up!

i LOVE how Dr Pat begins by criticizing my post and denigrating me and turning it into some weird creepy kind of personal attack-------

then agrees with every single point in my post.......

?????????????????? CREEPY ...!

(there are some really weird people on here you know.... lithium & depecote might be useful..!)

St Patrick was a welshman,

St Patrick was a welshman

Hence the old nursery rhyme?

Paddy was a Welshman,
Paddy was a thief...

when I was DJing St. Paddy's Day was one of the biggest days of the year, now it's just another Thursday (or whatever). Life is strange

>>Scotland?Go back to school lads.St.Paddy was from Wales, not Scotland!<<

Not according to the Catholic church, but what do they know.

Dave

Young Irelander ought to know, he's Irish -- however, the facts (cough) about the saint listed on his blog include:

• St.Patrick is not Welsh. He actually had an Irish grandmother.
• He was not kidnapped by Irish raiders. He hired raiders to take him across the sea because Wales isn't as good as Ireland...
• St.Patrick did send the snakes out of Ireland but he kept a few in case some zoos needed them.

But Dr Pat:

you DID agree with everything I said in your post # 13-----

i was just joking about you getting on the medications---but it's starting to look like maybe you do need some!

You joke about how I stated that you bashed me then agreed with every one of my points---welllllll----you dID!
What's up with tHAT!
You agree with every item I state--and yet you still want to argue:
for one of the few times in my life--I'm speechless---I don't know how to "argue" with a person that agrees with you and still chooses to "argue" !!!!

Good. Though I notice your speechless state doesn't prevent you from continuing to try.

Dr Pat: ASTOUNDING !!!!

Your powers of perception are staggering!

St.Paddy was taken from Wales by Irish raiders.I'm not aware of the Catholic church believing he was Scottish.
Wales was Roman territory at the time and Patick was himself a Romano Briton.This is historical fact.Take it from someone who hs studied St.Patrick in detail.

I'm just pissed he didn't highlight my blog. What does a girl have to do.....!

Our perspective on your perspective on Ireland..... hmmm... what perspective would that be now?

When I submitted an entry on the Shinners recently I got a few 'Protestants are just as bad as Republicans' comments. Which made me laugh, because this is inaccurate. Protestants are not the equivalent of republicans. There is a hierarchy of tribalism, as follows:

Catholics = Protestants (rarely kill over politics, more often over drugs and then not each other, but whoever stole their drugs)

Nationalists = Unionists (again, rarely kill each other, just bore us all to death with their 'differences'. Examples include SDLP, Ulster Unionist Party)

Republicans = Loyalists (IRA, INLA, IRSP, UVF, UFF, LVA. Kill each other. Not so much now. Mostly internecine killing now. And bank robberies. Republicans are much better at this than Loyalists, who seem to spend most of their time taking steroids and driving round in SUVs)

I will leave you with my favourite ever story of a US perspective on Ireland. Nancy Soderberg (or Sodabread as we used to call her), Clinton's advisor on Northern Ireland is reputed to have said once (and I'm paraphrasing:

You all look the same, you all talk the same, you all dress the same, you are all Christians, you are all middle-aged men, what the hell are you talking about - irreconcileable differences!

Go Nancy.

Queenie

Ireland for the IRISH !!!!

Out with the limeys.............

Death to all Brits!

Now....where'd I put my guiness....

actually~~~~~~~~~

wasn't Ireland colonized by the Spanish ---

under the priest-king Amergin...

which is partly where that Black Irish bloos strain derived from ....

(now of course -- this is aeons after the Tuatha De Daanaan ( the "little people --faeries..gnomes...etc.,...) had peacefully ruled Eire for thousands of years ....

Ireland is gonna get screwed by PAKISTAN on paddy's day...cricket

Not as bad as the Poms are going to get spanked (again) by Australia ... The majority of Aussies have some Irish background, so St Patrick's Day is just another excuse to drink more piss here. But we do love our Irish brethrenm, especially when they're on the squirt.

Now for a little Irish joke for St Paddy's Day: A teacher in Dublin asks her class to use the word "contagious".

Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and me mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher.

"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "Me grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Katie," says the teacher.

"Anyone else?"

Little Sean jumps up and says: "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2-inch brush, and me dad says it will take the contagious."