Oscars: A Blow-by-Blow

Written by ZMethos
Published February 28, 2005
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10:35: Why does John Stamos keep trying? Shouldn't he have killed himself by now?

10:36: Natalie Portman said she applauded the Documentary Short Subject nominees, but then she didn't actually clap ... Maybe she's too sour about losing.

10:43: Marty Scorsese's narcissitic streak shows as he applauds the humanitarian award winner for film restoration and perservation (as opposed to congratulating him on any actual humanitarian work he's done).

10:46: I'm too nice to pick on the granddaughter, no matter how badly I want to.

10:48: Time for the Death March Applause-o-Meter! I place my bet on Brando and win (as he gets the greatest amount of applause).

11:02: Drexler clearly has issues about not having been able to sing his Oscar-nominated song himself (Antonio Banderas did it, accompanied by Carlos Santana). So instead of actually giving an acceptance speech, he sings some of his song when it wins.

11:03: Sean Penn comes out to be an asshole by being snarky about Chris Rock's Jude Law jokes.

11:06: Ugh. I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby, and I don't want to. I'm sure Hillary Swank is a perfectly nice person, but I don't find her to be anything special as an actress, and I don't want her defined as any kind of "definitive" actress for my generation. She sure is talky, too, and ends up shouting over the music, even after they gave her some extra time.

11:13: Chris Rock meets Sean Penn's challenge. Meanwhile, Gwyneth loses the fashion challenge; I can't stand anything with a "bubble" hem.

"Quick, find a Spanish person in the audience!" - We get a shot of Antonio Banderas as The Sea Inside (Spain) wins for Foreign Language Film.

11:19: In another McDonald's commercial, geeks lust after a "hot mama" who apparently is starting her child on a fast food diet at a very young age.

11:22: Charlize Theron comes out looking like a frothy 50s prom throwback. (And that's not a good thing.)

11:26: Jamie Foxx wins Best Actor for Ray. A Southern gentleman indeed.

11:30: Diet Pepsi portrays Diet Coke as stuck-up, self-absorbed, and no fun - and, after thinking it over, I've decided it's kind of true.

11:33: Marty is snubbed again as Clint takes the directing Oscar. (He sure was good in Space Cowboys. ...)

11:36: And Clint beats Marty again for best picture.

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Oscars: A Blow-by-Blow
Published: February 28, 2005
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Section: Video
Filed Under: Culture: Arts, Video: Performing Arts
Writer: ZMethos
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#1 — February 28, 2005 @ 01:47AM — Justene [URL]

I tried to watch but I always get lost around the humanitarian awards and the short documentaries. Frankly, on Autism is a worlde was nominated and lost, my brain was all over "how do I get to see that movie" and the rest of the show babrely hit my brain. This is the kinond of post that gets me through.

#2 — February 28, 2005 @ 02:38AM — Silas Kain [URL]

Thanks for the recap. After reading it I was reminded of a few things. The starlettes for the most part looked drab in their neutral to black couture. Jamie Foxx carried off his blue-violet tux well. Chris Rock's tux by Sean P. Diddy Puffy Puff Daddy Combs was great. P. Diddy sucked. Beyonce Knowles and the rest of the singers tonight were quite good, but she stole the show.

Morgan Freeman deserved this award. I'm looking forward to his winning the Outstanding Actor Award two years from now when his role as Nelson Mandela is released. Cate Blanchett's portrayal of Kathryn Hepburn shut out the competition while Jamie Foxx did the same in his category. His acceptance speech was heartfelt and humble. Hillary Swank was a disappointment winning another Oscar for the recreation of her role as Brandon Teena in Boys Don't Cry.

All in all the show lacked any excitment, ran too far over time and the new format of presenting some of the awards in the aisles was lame. The sets were simple, direction was marginal. I'll be interested to see the overnight ratings. Thank goodness the show was on ABC because an episode of Desperate Housewives would have stolen the bulk of Oscar's audience.

#3 — February 28, 2005 @ 08:41AM — Eric Olsen

thanks Z, super job: funny, breezy, some great points. But I have both a Kristen and a Christopher: some people just like assonance

#4 — February 28, 2005 @ 10:01AM — Temple Stark [URL]

Very nice. Someone without an agenda likes Chris Rock. Shock.


Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mendela? Wow. I see about a film every two years. I'll see that one. It'll be like Ghandi, which an Indian (as in from India) babysitter took us to when it came out in England.

#5 — February 28, 2005 @ 12:01PM — ZMethos [URL]

Eric,

I can see having a Kristen and a Christopher--so long as you don't call them both "Kris" or "Chris" or whatever. It's "Kirsten" and "Christian" that's just too close for comfort. In my book, anyway.

#6 — February 28, 2005 @ 12:07PM — Eric Olsen

many are the nicknames and variations, but Kristen is never Kris

#7 — February 28, 2005 @ 13:28PM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

Kirsten translates as "divine muse, forged in god's own tears". So i made up, anyhow.

#8 — February 28, 2005 @ 13:33PM — Eric Berlin [URL]

Duke -- Been meaning to ask you for a while now:

What would you do/say/act/re-act/worship if (and when?) you met the comely Ms. Dunst?

Please, detail if you would as only you could provide. And please feel free to elevate to a stand-alone post.

#9 — February 28, 2005 @ 13:40PM — Temple Stark [URL]

I don't know if we're ready for that. We might lose google again :-)

It's all over his site though
mondoirlando.com

#10 — February 28, 2005 @ 17:56PM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

eric, i believe i would most likely stutter, say something clumsy, make a joke about wanking, stutter again and run away. that seems to be the way it goes down Duke way when meeting with the lady-types.

or maybe i would tell her that Dick and Bring It On and The Cat's Meow and Spider-man 1&2 and Eternal Sunshine are all masterpieces, and really, Kirsten, it was your involvement that elevated them. Ho bout we ditch this joint and go grab a coffee or similar, and then maybe discuss the work of GG Allin.

Maybe i would complain to her that the cover of Spider-Man 2 isn't her hand, and that i was very much upset, since she has gorgeous hands, far as i can tell.

Also, i would note that Donnie Darko is no good for her, and probably hopes to introduce her to one-eyed rabbit beasts. Do you want that Kirsten? Do you want one eyed rabbit beasts? You do not.

Let's blow this joint, kid. Then i'd lend her my trenchcoat (i'm bound to be wearing a trenchcoat, or at the very least a detective hat) on account of maybe it's raining, or maybe it's very warm and she needs protected from the rays and so on.

#11 — February 28, 2005 @ 18:03PM — Eric Olsen

but Duker, is it HER or is it her acting ability/persona that grabs you by the ear-hairs and shakes you like a Polaroid?

#12 — February 28, 2005 @ 18:06PM — Eric Berlin [URL]

Very cool, Duke. I'm sure that Kirsten would find you worthy of her affections (even if she were unable, sadly, to return them).

#13 — February 28, 2005 @ 18:11PM — Aaron, Duke De Mondo [URL]

well now, certainly initially it was your classic case of the "lust" and so on. now, having studied several dozen chat-show appearances etc, i can see that no, it's on account of Kirsten is just wonderful. and as an actress, she is miles and miles and MILES ahead of your other teen movie types. Fuck you, Love Hewitt, Kirsten would probably say. except she wouldn't, cause that would be beneath her, that kinda chat.

what is going to have to happen, obviously, is that i'm gonna have to pen a screenplay, get myself over to hollywood one afternoon, present it to Kirsten, get home in time for supper, wait for a return phone-call, make my way back over and direct Kirsten in some sort of Bergmanesque opus about a fella has fallen for Kirsten. I tihnk i might acst myself in the lead role. i haven't decided yet. or maybe kirsten could play me playing the character, and vice versa.

Then, when we were walking up to get the award for best film ever, i would say, hey, let's ditch this place. i figure we head down south, ride the rails for a year or two, write songs and poetry and listen to woody guthrie singing about Tom Joad. what you think?

also, the dimples / eyes ensemble is not to be underestimated.

#14 — February 28, 2005 @ 21:00PM — sharonhamilton

The comment about " What's that a "noose" around Morgan Freeman's neck" ? Was NOT funny !! And very racist and inappropriate. You definitely did NOT think before putting this out there on the internet. What a slap in the face ! I hope every one responds to this statement. And it was NOT funny either. As an African American I'm proud of Morgan and I hope he hears of this web-site and your remarks.

#15 — March 1, 2005 @ 00:09AM — Rodney Welch [URL]

It was just a joke. Don't blow things out of proportion.

#16 — March 1, 2005 @ 00:14AM — Temple Stark [URL]

Some thngs - very few - are said without thinking about the racial implications. Let it go. Sharon.

#17 — March 1, 2005 @ 01:31AM — Natalie Davis [URL]

I too was happy to see Morgan Freeman finally win the golden guy. And after scouring the recesses of my brain, I can't see what you found offensive, Ms. Hamilton. He obviously was joking about actors' depression ("what if alan alda or thomas haden church win??? i won't be able to go ooooonnnn..."), not about anything involving melanin. Come on, he had that strange-looking scarf around his neck. Did you take Chris Rock's Jude Law joke seriously too?

#18 — March 1, 2005 @ 15:10PM — Temple Stark [URL]

ZMethos,

Launched this on the world - or at least the part of the world that scours Advance.net for the (family-friendly) cream of the BC Web log.

Here's the link. Sorry here.

- Thanks. Temple

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