You've seen him if you watch TV, heard him if you listen to radio. The government will pay you to quit your job, he tells us breathlessly. All we need to tap into the gravy train is his book, Free Money to Quit Your Job. Matthew Lesko is the admitted king of the government giveaway program.

There's Gobs and Gobs of Free Stuff, 1001 Free Goodies and Cheapies, and Free Money to Change Your Life. Lesko has programs that purport to teach us how to write for thousands of dollars of government grants, and he touts them endlessly in his nasal voice.

Everyone qualifies!

Government money programs aren't only for the very needy. Even those who make $35,000, $50,000, even $85,000 a year can qualify for many of these programs. And others programs have no income requirements at all. You can even be a millionaire and get free money from the government (like Donald Trump, Sam Donaldson and even George W. Bush and Dick Cheney did)!

It's Money You Never Have To Repay!
  —Free Money to Pay Your Bills ad copy

The programs he lists are really there, too. While most of the information is available for free or for the cost of postage, Lesko provides a value-adding service by compiling it into one thematic package, organizing it in a more usable format, and marketing it so that people find out about these programs.

Half of the households in the United States own a pet. Free Stuff For Pet Lovers taps into little known services and products that will show how much you love and care for your pet, and will do it for free.
Learn:
- How To Recycle Pet Poop For Profit
- How TO Give Your Dog CPR
- How to get Free Tarantulas
- Dolphin Therapy For Emotionally Challenged Kids
- Free Help For Sick Chia Pets
  —Free Stuff for Pets ad copy

Don't you agree a better use for that money would be to underpin Social Security? Let's encourage our representatives to close down the free money supply at the source. I don't mind not having a program to pay my bills or fund my return to college. I don't mind that there wouldn't be a grant to pay someone to write a book or work on their invention. I certainly don't want my tax dollars used to distribute giant spiders! I'd rather have all those dripping taps shut off, thank you.

And then there would be no reason to have any more grating Matthew Lesko ads.

I wonder if any of these "hundreds of new programs every year" were part of the $10 million in riders that snuck into the September 11th, 2001 emergency funding bill.