Super Ego: That makes you sound very immature.

BrokenGirl: (shrugs shoulders)

Super Ego: Do you agree? Disagree? You don't care?

BrokenGirl: I don't care. There's a lot to life. There's a lot to living. There's a lot of pain in the world. We have the luxury of living in a free country, which means you're free to believe whatever you want. You think I'm immature? Why talk you out if it, especially if it turns out to be the truth?

Super Ego: You like to play devil's advocate with yourself.

BrokenGirl: You know what? I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm a water sign and a fire sign. How fucked up is that? I'm constantly dousing myself... I made a tape once, sad blues on one side and happy blues on the other. The "sad" side was called "the pessi-" and the happy side was "the opti-."

Super Ego: (smiling) Is that code for something?

BrokenGirl: (smiles) You could say that. Misim of an unlit fire.Well that interview seems a lifetime ago. I'm not retracting any comments previously made; but I will say that a lot has happened since then, and I'm in the process of trying to figure out how to make my 9 to 5 as vital to me as my 5 to 9--aside from just paying the bills. It will be a challenge, one my intuitive counselor says is not supposed to be my primary challenge in this lifetime. Well, I already found out that my dream job was the kind that produces a cold sweat, so I'm over that delusion.

I just don't want to be like the guy they found sweeping after the 1985 Mexico City earthquake. His job was to sweep in front of a particular office building, which is what he was doing when the quake struck. He was knocked down as everything crumbled around him. When the volatile earth finally quieted, he surveyed the landscape and found nothing but rubble around him. Then he found his broom and began sweeping in front of the heap that had once been the office. The rescuers were astonished when they found him in an area where almost nobody had survived and futher amazed to see him vigorously working the broom. When they asked him what he was doing, he told them he was a sweeper. He was just doing his job.

I don't wanna be that guy. Nothing against the broom--I actually love sweeping--but f--- the chains. I start my new job tomorrow, and I really will go forth with the mindset that it's precious. But I will also have memorized my cheat('s) sheet:

How to Live for One's Self:

1. reasonable faith over blind mind (intuition trumps thought)
2. never expect validation (plunder onward)

Quest for life, here I come. I'll keep you posted, here and at Sleepwalkers' Glory.