I try to tell them, really, if you knew me, I'm much more like Martha Stewart without even the criminal element bit, which makes me even duller than dull. Worse, I couldn't even tell you what a flan is, let alone bake one or whatever it is you do to make a flan. I have this image of a flat round thing that is sort of rubbery - that's my impression of flan, which could be dead wrong - but if I could take this flan I would place one on the face of every one who is at every door, securing the flan on all sides of their face and tell them in no uncertain terms to buggar off, because if the message hasn't gotten through yet, perhaps a flan-secured blindness will be of some assistance.

But I can only do this with the help of my husband and while I make it clear that I am married and more, make it clear to whom I am married (in other words, he's half Sicilian and while he may look writerly and scholarly, fuck with our marriage and out comes the Al Pacino "Scarface" element that otherwise lies dormant in his personality.) I tell people I'm married because I'm proud of it, proud of my husband, who he is and what he's done with his life and is doing. I find him interesting... so naturally, I talk about him.

I fear he finds me less interesting, for recently when some salope came knocking on our backdoor, baby, when I asked him if she knew he was married, he looked rather bewildered and asked "Why would she know?" then added, "I assume she knows" , this because of a mutual friend they have, who I now assume, stands on street corners saying like a barker shouting Excuse me! Hear Ye! Did you know that Sadi Ranson and Mark Polizzotti are married, that they are the Ranson-Polizzottis - Yes, the Ranson-Polizzottis.. Shouldn't my husband make it clear to other women that he is not available, assuming that is, that truly he is not available? I don't mean wear a t-shirt, but perhaps casually slide it into a conversation if the other party seems at all interested or tres Duran Duran Hungry Like a Wolf etc etc.

Of course he doesn't do this, so this woman likely has no idea that my husband is my husband. He never told her (it never came up), and I doubt the mutual friend said anything and now here she is inviting him out for drinks in the evening and he seems surprised by it all, as if there were some trick to it, some mystery behind the asking, because really, what is to stop her - she thinks he is single, as it would seem, and even if she knows he is married, he never told her about it so how much could I possibly mean. Frankly, I can see her point, if that is indeed it.