This just in, from the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA): tests in 169 U.S. passenger planes in November and December of last year found contamination by fecal coliform bacteria in 17% of them - up 5% from the initial round of tests performed last August and September, which unleashed a firestorm of dismay and controversy.

Back in the fall, the airlines vowed to clean up their act and said it was no big deal, anyway.

The same sort of dismissive attitude is evident in response to the latest findings.

Doug Willis of the Air Transport Association said, "The good news is that no dangerous bacteria were found."

Huh?

He continued, "I suspect our lavatories are no different than the public restrooms at the EPA."

Hey, it's the beginning of "Coli Wars."

Forget "Star Wars," and cola battles: this time, the gloves - and paper toilet seat covers - are coming off.

Tom Skinner of the EPA's Office of Enforcement and Compliance Assurance said, "While news that the water may have traces of human or animal feces is a fairly gross variable, it's no reason to panic."

"People have been flying for 40 years in this country and there haven't been reports of mass outbreaks of intestinal illness on any given flight. And conditions haven't changed for the worse in the last 40 years."

Skinner added, "It's probably something that's been with us for a while. But now that we know about it, we're committed to making it better."

My take:

1) He's wrong about mass outbreaks of intestinal illness on specific flights: there have been many such instances.

2) "Conditions haven't changed for the worse in last 40 years?" How about just the last 10 - or 5? Clearly, this guy doesn't fly much.

3) Why are we not confident that things will get better? Maybe because since the problem was identified, with measures such as disinfection of water trucks and plane water tanks having been put into place, the problem's gotten worse.

Oh, and don't think you can avoid the problem by bringing your own bottled water onboard - that's contaminated too.

Maybe the way to go is to treat a plane flight like a trip to the Third World, and drink only bottled beer - after you wipe down the neck.