Shark's Top 12 from 2004
Published December 23, 2004
Remember these?
A breast, Mel Gibson, South Carolina and the Confederate Flag, Prayer prayer prayer, IRAQ, road rage, RIAA vs downloading, Abu Ghraib, Martha Stewart, the GOP Convention, The Olympics, and the Christoids vs Halloween?
Yeah, I didn't think so. Hell, I bet you don't even remember John Kerry. Here, see if this rings a bell:
Swift Boat.
Coward.
Liar.
Traitor.
Purple Heart.
Liar.
Traitor.
...oh, sorry, I got hypnotized by the pattern there...
Anyway, if you think hard, you might remember these and other totally unimportant events that were blown way out of proportion in the year 2004.
If not, I'm here to help. I'm here to remind you that what you see, think, hear, and feel today is about as meaningless as a set of dentures on a duck.
And that as long as you stay forgetful, stupid, and scared — this great nation will continue to function just fine — thank you very much.
===================
Final Word on the Super (toilet) Bowl ...wherein Shark tells you the significance of the most overrated moment in contemporary history, that nano-second when Janet Jackson's chemically enhanced breast was exposed on national TV — during a football game, no less!
Passion Fruit ...wherein Shark does Mel Gibson's biblical bloodfest known as "The Passion" (which — ironically — was also a fab porno movie in the 1970s). Yeah, I know that pointing out a contemporary Christoids' hypocrisy is like shooting fish in a barrel, but sometimes, ya just gotta pull the trigger — regardless of whose divine mythological being is gettin' gored. Besides, He and Mel both died for my... oh, nevermind. Get thee behind me, reader!
Take the Test: Are You a Racist? ...wherein Shark mocks his fellow crackers from both sides of the Mason-Dixon line, from semi-guilty Yankee liberals who don't understand how if feels to be the only 'Americans' to have ever lost a war (exception: see Bush/Iraq, circa 2004) to toothless rednecks who fly Confederate flags over their mobile homes. (Note: this post was yet another reason for the late, great Mac-whats-her-name to misread, misunderstand, and misinterpret my vast superior intellect — claiming once again that my 'racist test' is explicit evidence of my current standing as a slave owner and Grand Poobah of the Bumfuque, Alabama branch of the KKK.
Pray Before Play: The New Amendment ...wherein Shark projects the current Christoid-Right Wing Fundamentalist Tent Revival into the near future; when people who pray violate Matthew chapter 6, come out of the closet, and pray their asses off in public. Whoops! Who knew there was more than ONE religion in the good ol' U. S. A.? Goddammit. Don't you hate it when you have to be fair?!
- Shark's Top 12 from 2004
- Published: December 23, 2004
- Type:
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Arts, Culture: Humor and Satire, Culture: Media
- Writer: Shark
- Shark's BC Writer page
- Shark's personal site
- Spread the Word
- Like this article?
- Email this
Save to del.icio.us
Comments on this articleComments
Where the hell was everybody when this came out? Celebrating X-Mas I suppose.
Lots of great reading here, folks.
I need a Shark=BC T-Shirt.
Bennett, did Shark hire you as his press agent? Based on this post he seemed to be doing a pretty solid job of blatant self-promotion. I don't know of anyone else who posted an article with the best of his own other articles. Nice ego.
Dave
That's pretty amusing that the top 12 were all of Shark's own posts. But I suppose ego is a healthy thing.
It's "Shark's Top 12." Get it?
Get a sense of humor, gents. He probably refers to himself as "devilishly handsome," too.
Better yet, (re)read the posts. They're funny.
Duane: Don't get me wrong, I laughed. I was just reading from the top, wondering who Shark would actually give shout outs to... only to find that "catch".
Shark, I don't know why, but I missed most of these when they were posted originally. I almost never laugh at BC posts; sometimes I'll smile, more often just shake my head. But these posts have me laughing. It takes either an enormous amount of effort or an incredibly quick wit (maybe both) to write so intelligently and get the laugh. You could be working for a humor magazine (not that you'd want to necessarily). This stuff reminds me of curling up with National Lampoon back in my college days. Looking forward to more quality stuff like this in the future.
Yours, etc.,
Duane
Dave - Shark didn't hire me, but I'm open for it.
BTW, in trying to remember posts for Aaman's best of list, your Barbeque Review from NYC came to mind.
Aaman already did his list. He picked my Iraq isn't Vietnam article. Tho I might have gone with something else.
Dave
Yeah Dave, I saw the list. Congrats on being picked for it.
In your humble opinion, what are the top three posts you've done for BC?
I like my post on the Care Bears for April Fools, but it's kind of a non-mainstream post. I also like 'My Bathroom is a Shrine' and 'London Eternal' and maybe "Are There No Workhouses'.
Dave
Heh, yeah the care bears thing was good. I was ehhh about the bathroom one though. You got a lot of coments from the ladies on that one if I recall.
Duane, Bennett, Mark, thanks.
Always glad to make others laugh.
As far as working for a humor mag, sorta been there -- done that. I used to write a weekly column for a pinko newspaper. (I've also had 4 musical comedies performed for the stage -- which pays better and is much more fun.)
(But really, I'm at my best after a coupla tequilas!)
Dave, re. ego and Shark's Top 12...
oh jees.. never mind...
PS: Dave, if I had to pick your "best", it would be the one where you posted a photo of yourself in that cowboy hat, y'know... the one where you looked like a gay German tourist who just visited "Southfork Ranch" for some authentic western experiences...?
xxoo & Yeehaw,
S
Re comment #3 by Dave Nalle;
Did anyone else detect a hint of jealousy there, reading between the lines?
MCH: Seeing as how Shark gets in a good dig at almost everyone, it's hard not to be a little jealous wit-wise.
Hey Shark, I guess you couldn't tell us if you've ever written a book, or otherwise reveal your secret identity, right? Heh.
Add your comment, speak your mind
(Or ping: http://blogcritics.org/mt/tb/23570)
Shark,
I very much enjoyed your not very ordinary year-in-review. I might not agree with everything you have to say (and what fun would that be?) but I dig your original and fresh voice.
Looking forward to more Shark in '05,
Eric Berlin
Dumpster Bust: Miracles from Mind Trash
http://dumpsterbust.blogspot.com