They are young. They are marketed as sex objects even if it should be illegal. They do stupid things. These are the girls who are role models for school aged girls around the world. School aged girls who long to be hype machine hookers.

The nominees for Worst Teen Princess are...

Lindsay Lohan - She went from innocent in Freaky Friday, to slightly bad in Mean Girls. Then middle aged men started looking for her naked body on the internet. All the while she was out having a good time, letting her boobs pop out of her overly revealing clothing. And now, worst of all she is going to slam us in the face with "music" that really is nothing more than a way for this industry-made princess to "move units" other than the dirty old men with overactive hands on their "mice."

Hilary Duff - After getting tired of playing second fiddle to screen stealers like Frankie Muniz, Duff hit the bigtime. Lizzie McGuire is cute, but somehow has captured a much larger and older audience than it should as it is kiddy drivel. Also committed a crime against humanity by trying to be a bubble gum singer, has annoying photo ops with her less famous sister, and is like a less sincere, dumber Mandy Moore. I wonder how long it will take her to whore out like Christina Aguilera.

The Olsen Twins - These two also were victimized by the raging and somehow culturally acceptable pedophilia kick that this nation's men have been on recently, counting down the days until these two Muppets would turn 18. Eating disorders and a Fraggle-like appearance make these two surefire nominees for the award alone, but New York Minute was the kicker. To think that they helped degrade Eugene Levy like this makes me want to hurl.

Brooke Hogan - Brooke Hogan is daughter of wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan and is attempting a career as a Britney Spears knockoff. She was paraded around by the balding culturally impotent man who once ran wild in professional wrestling and quite frankly, this is the most buzz about any one human being who hasn't had a note of music heard anywhere of any importance.

*** and the winner is... ***

Lindsay Lohan by an overexposed bra strap.

Here is Lindsay with her acceptance speech.

"Oh my god. I can't believe I won. I would first like to thank Tina Fey for reducing herself to the point of working with me. I would like to thank my dad for keeping me in the tabloids even when I had nothing to offer. I would like to thank my publicist who had me dressing in particularly revealing outfits to keep the sickos clicking away on the internet. Finally I would like to thank Molly Ringwald for showing me the path that I will eventually take on my short ride from fame to nothingness."

That's all we have from here... more Effy's are coming your way.

This first appeared at FilteringCraig.com