Alternative hunts?

Written by Marty Dodge
Published December 07, 2004
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As you would expect with this latest trend, the rap and hip-hop community is all over it. P Dippy has come over to establish his own brand name hunt. He said to be already designing hip-hop hunt attire. There are some problems with the horses, however, as there is so much bling on them that they have a hard time jumping over the hedges. Buses have to be put on for the new hunters to get to the country as their H2S and other SUVs have been so lowered they are no longer any good for country roads. It is expected that the Fox will be shot in the end, since everyone will be armed, anyway, and rappers' dogs are too big to get the Fox out of his hiding place.

Of course, not willing to miss out on any new trend, Sharon Osborne has got Ozzy involved. The Ozman has joined his local hunt, but Sharon has not let him get on a horse yet. Ozzy has had some success at scaring & swearing the Fox to death when it is caught. The hunt no long uses a bugle to bring the hunt to order; instead Ozzy yells "Sharon" in full voice to rally them. The hunt has adapted to Ozzy and the new influence of rockers; their outfits are now all black, and many have taken to wearing black leather trousers. When interviewed, Ozzy responded: "F**k, it's the country...you know...all kind of f**king mud and shit...its like Ozfest that doesn't f**king move..." When asked why rockers had taken to hunting so easily, Ozzy responded, "well it's a bit more fun than chasing a small f**king little white ball around a f**king field."

There are suggestions of other minority groups that will take up the offer including a possible blind hunt, the all-female hunt (Foxing Sisters), and the Nu-Metal/Grunge hunt (no shot-guns alllowed of course).

The government quango in charge of this program, The Office for the Empowerment of Minorities in Hunting Communities, is open to suggestions for other minority groups to encourage into the pastime.

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Marty's band, Growing Old Disgracefully, can be found on: CD Baby His Cthulhu tales can be found at Temple of Dagon.
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Alternative hunts?
Published: December 07, 2004
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Section: Culture
Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
Writer: Marty Dodge
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