Mr. Claus wields a dangerous amount of dictatorial domination over his followers; a Christian Coalition informant was able to infiltrate his headquarters at the North Pole and spent a horrendous six weeks among Claus and his sodomizing, miniature minions. The informant observed the use of standard brainwashing techniques, and characterized Mr. Claus's all-encompassing power over his followers: "...he knows when you've been sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good..."

Other possible violations of American laws:

Spying - Mr. Claus participates in unauthorized flights over sensitive strategic military locations throughout the United States. His spy aircraft, which uses eight tiny reindeer as a means of propulsion, has not been approved by the Department of Transportation or the FAA.

(Note: NRA lobbyists have pointed out that his flights coincide with deer hunting season, and that they will exercise their legal right to participate in the sport of their choice, despite the danger it might pose to people on the ground. There are some reports that indicate Claus is actually an angry immigrant from the Hmong tribe in Laos — who not only doesn't respect hunting property boundaries, but might have access to automatic weapons and be a damn good shot! In case of a direct confronatation, excercise extreme caution — and for God's sake, don't wear Blaze Orange!)

Tax evasion - due to his location on the polar ice cap, he pays no local or state taxes, despite the fact that he conducts interstate commerce throughout the United States on an annual basis. He has applied for corporate headquarters status in the Cayman Islands, and we're working with the Commerce Dept. to instigate a swift denial of that application.)

Trademark violations - Each year, millions of dollars worth of bootleg products are produced by his illicit factory; he participates in the manufacture of unauthorized, unlicensed, and fraudulent toys and games, thereby depriving income from many legitimate American capitalist institutions that serve children: Mattel, Fisher-Price, Philip-Morris, Budweiser, Ritalin, et al.

Breaking & Entering/various acts of vandalism - Claus has been known to invade the homes of innocent American citizens, damaging shingles, chimney flues — often leaving a trail of destruction, cookie crumbs, and spilled milk.

Sexual Assault - Numerous children have testified that they saw "...Mommy kissing Santa Claus..." (--which doesn't necessarily contradict previous evidence of his deviant homosexual behavior, but only confirms the bi-sexual nature of his immorality!)

Scary Anagrams - LAST BUT NOT LEAST: the letters in the word 'Santa' can be rearranged to spell 'Satan.'

What better scientific, empirical evidence can possibly be required?

Thanks in advance for your intervention, strong-arm tactics, opportunistic media manipulation, and persecution with extreme prejudice.

God Bless America,
Pat Robertson