Great Dilemmas In The Life De Duke #435632642

Sometimes a hurdle comes up along the gravel-caked road of a fella's existence, a hurdle unwieldy enough to knock him sideways, most likely with legs bent out of shape and at least forty gallons of blood spraying amidst the bones poking from both knees. Maybe a fella discovers he likes a Joel Schumacher film, and has to work with at least millions of councillors, professionals, druids, for to decide what the hell is to be done about the hitherto unthinkable situation.

The Duke experienced just such a dilemma of late, following the arrival of Blah Blah Blah… Love Songs For The New Millennium by Scum Of The Earth, the band fronted by Rob Zombie guitarist Riggs. What had to be done in order to sort this dilemma, was that last night, following a viewing of the ridiculously entertaining Secret Window (Johnny Depp's finest comedy performance since Ed Wood, don't you know?), The Duke turned to The Duchess and, after pressing play for to let a track from the record in question assault our post-Depp beings, asked for the answer to the perplexing question;

"It's good", sayeth the motherfucking Duke. "It's very good. It's loud, it rocks, it's inventive, it's got cool remix technology and all sorts…"

"So what the hell might be the motherfucking problem?" asks The Duchess.

"Well… It's kinda just a Rob Zombie record without Rob Zombie."

Herein, my friends, lies the problem. The vocals sound like Rob Zombie. Naturally enough, the guitars and so on sound like they were lifted from a Rob Zombie record. The use of samples from the b-movies and such positively screams Rob Zombie.

So what's a fella to do? Should The Duke ignore all else and simply tut and shake the head and so on and say "Fuck that shit, it's just using all Rob Zombie's ideas"?

What The Duchess said was; "But do you like it?"

"Like it?" responds The Duke? "It fucking rules."

Well there you damn well go.

Scum Of The Earth fucking rule. They sound exactly the same as Rob Zombie, but if truth be told, The Duke had something of an awakening regarding the dreadlocked motherfucker some time ago, and this newfound clarity of vision may well influence the vote regarding the whole "they fucking rule" referendum. Having previously said things like "Yeah, he's alright. A bit dull. And really, that House With A Lot Of Corpses or whatever was a load of shit", now The Duke's mindset, aided with a rash of impulse-purchased CD's, compilations and so on, plus the "load of shit" House With Lots Of Corpses, tends to slide towards the notion that really, that Rob Zombie is a genius.