Actually, I don't even know what a "magic stick" is, that was just a pitiful attempt at trying to gain some street cred. I'm relatively sure it's a drug reference...either that or an ode to male genitalia. Suffice to say, I'm using the first definition here.

Either way, I was pretty horrified when I read that the next Jim Sheridan (In America, My Left Foot) movie is going to be Locked And Loaded, starring 50 Cent as a fella who turns away from a life of crime to become a successful musician.

To quote many a Simpsons character, "Whaaaaaa?"

In America was my fave flick of last year, and I've got nothing but respect for director Jim Sheridan. Heck, he's directed Oscar-nominated performances from Richard Harris, Daniel Day-Lewis (he won), Emma Thompson, Samantha Morton, and Djimon Hounsou, and he's only made five movies in his fifteen year career. So why, in the name of all that is holy, is he choosing to spend his precious time making a cookie cutter rags-to-riches rapper story? Has he not learned from the mistakes of his respected compadre Curtis Hanson? I sat all the way through 8 Mile, and not only was it a pukey snorefest starring a godawful "actor", but I'm probably eternally scarred by the images of Emimem's unholy coitus with the hand-licking Brittany Murphy.

And what could he possibly see in 50 Cent, anyway? Just because a guy has a gaudy back tattoo does not mean he's De Niro. Has Sheridan ever seen his videos or witnessed interviews with this oft-shot bundle of joy? Mr. Cent is so wooden; I've got a childhood Simon that can emote with more authenticity! Plus, the last really talented person to take 50 under his wing was Jam Master Jay, and we all know how that turned out.

My advice to Jim Sheridan is, to quote Real McCoy (which is quite shameful, but those damned Lexus commercials have been gnawing my brain away), "Run away! Run away! Run away if you want to survive!"

Related tune: Run Away by Real McCoy (windows media via xsao.net)

Drew can be found grumbling about movie-related atrocities over at Drew's Blog-O-Rama.