Ashlee Simpson I am shocked and dismayed! Caught lip-synching! And on Saturday Night Live!

Fortunately your PR people had the good sense, right after you ran off-stage, to insist that you blame it all on your band! They did indeed start playing the wrong ta... Song! Those damn dope-smoking musicians! Who do they think they are!? Just because they actually have musical talent and can actually play those things called instruments....

All joking aside, I was stunned and saddened when I heard about this... A young woman with her weeks, nay possibly two months of faux musical experience! To throw all that miniscule talent away on such a stunt...

Well if we can't believe in Ashlee anymore, what can we believe in? Next thing we'll be reading about is...

Curious George Bush does have a brain! Albeit a small reptilian one! But by Darwin he has one! You can see it best whenever he's under hot lights... Public scrutiny... Not wired for access to Rove's brain...

Dick Cheney has a heart! Yes he does! Got it right after Halliburton finished up that new mansion for the Wizard of OZ...

Rumsfeld, Ashcroft and Karl Rove are not the spawn of the devil... They're the spawn of Leona Helmsley who was co-hosting HELL that weekend while Satan was at a celebrity golf tournament in California...

Ben Affleck can act. He can! HE CAN! Really! He...ok... no one will buy this one...

Jennifer Lopez really wants her marriage to Ricky Martin to work! Really! SHE DOES! She...k...