Villains and Kooks for W
Published October 23, 2004
Yesterday I saw at Blogcritics that the wingers have sunk to putting pro-W words in the mouths of heroes (of fact and fiction). Tsk, Tsk. This strikes me as rather loopy to say the least, but I thought it would be rather more fun, more accurate (or at least more plausible), and rather less pathetic to make up some pro-W quotes that could plausibly be attributed to real and fictional kooks and villains. I don't have any of my non-philosophy books here in my office right now, so I can't produce any. But, hey, I'm the big idea guy on this one... You guys can take care of the details.
I can think of some kooks and villains who would be ardent Bush supporters, however:
(Note: the list is slanted heavily toward the fictional...it'd be kinda creepy to put anti-Bush words in the mouth of, e.g. bin Laden or Hitler... Some more temporally distant historical figures are suggested, tho...)
The Mouth of Sauron (the real--by which I mean fictional--one, not Scotty McC., who is the fake one)
T. D. Lysenko
Boris Badanov
Nyarlathotep, Cthulhu &co.
Captain Ahab
Mojo JoJo
Mike Kryzyewski and/or Bobby Knight
Big Brother
Caligula
Dr. Evil
Dr. Zin (from Johnny Quest )
Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Smith (of Lost in Space fame)
Goldfinger
Ghengis Khan
The Terminator (who may secretly be W's debate coach, come to think of it...)
The Riddler, the Penguin, & co.
Attila the Hun
Jack D. Ripper
Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)
Vlad the Impaler
Lex Luthor
Xerxes
Darth Vader
Paul De Mann
The Sheriff of Nottingham
That fat slimy guy they have to keep pouring water on from Buffy TVS
Mr. Burns
Well, you get the idea. Fortunately The Onion has started us off. Here's one of the world's great villains for W.
- Villains and Kooks for W
- Published: October 23, 2004
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- Section: Politics
- Writer: Winston Smith
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- Winston Smith's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
I hear Army Special Forces have been busy jamming Osama bin Laden's attempts to broadcast his endorsement of Bush for re-election
For real? That's a neat trick considering that Osama's messages typically are recorded on audio tape and hand-delivered to Al Jazeera. But maybe you're right. Maybe he's got a ham radio or something in his cave and is using it to beam an endorsement of Bush into every Pakistani mud hut within a five- or ten-mile radius. And instead of using the signal as a way to zero in on his location, Special Forces is content to just sit there and "jam" it. Makes sense. In any case, your larger point rings true: the terrorists obviously want Bush to win. Which explains why, instead of doing the one thing that would have guaranteed his re-election--namely, halting the bombings in Iraq during the summer and fall to create the appearance of stability--they kept right on bombing the shit out of people and doing everything they could to derail reconstruction. Makes perfect sense.
As for Iran, it's true that the mullahs endorsed Bush. Oddly enough, so have their two arch-enemies: Iranian dissidents and the people of Israel. Say, do you suppose the mullahs might be lying, and that by endorsing Bush they're actually trying to prop up a spineless shit like Kerry in hopes of getting him elected and walking all over him? Especially since his big idea for dealing with their nuclear threat is to fucking offer them nuclear fuel? Insight magazine and Maariv International both ran excellent pieces earlier this year about Iranian thinking re: the election which I urge you to read before deciding what their true intentions are.
If you want an honest endorsement, ask a terrorist who has nothing to lose by being candid. Both candidates have said they'll refuse to deal with Arafat if elected and yet we know who Chuckles is pulling for, don't we? And how about Mahathir Mohammed, the former prime minister of Malaysia who in his spare time likes to give speeches about how Jews rule the world by proxy and Muslims should pull together to destroy them? Having recently retired, he stands to gain nothing by endorsing Kerry--but he went right ahead and did it anyway. Nice company the Senator finds himself in these days.
But I've interrupted the Bush-bashing, haven't I? Back to you, Blogcritics!
I've got to agree with at least the spirit of NC's comment.
The people we're talking about here are unlikely to be honest about who they want to win, so we can't pay any attention to their made-for-teevee pronouncements.
I'd guess that e.g. bin Laden hates Bush most right now just because he's prez and despite the recruiting bonanza. He'll hate Kerry the most if Kerry becomes prez.
The interesting question is who *should* bin L want to win. He SHOULD want W to win given how inept the man is at combatting al Q.
Great! Now we've got both the Heroes AND the Villains! w00t! All Kerry has is the Superfriends & everyone *knows* they suck.
All in good fun, honestly. I did the Bonnie & Clyde endorsement for Bush. *snark*
"NC"
Using logic on Big Time Patriot is an exercise in futility.
Okay, okay, I made that part up about Osama (only that he was ATTEMPTING to make an endorsement, I truly believe that Osama would MUCH prefer Bush to be re-elected, what more could Osama have asked for than what Bush has done for him and his causes)... I thought the whole story was about making up endorsements, so I made one up, but I should have slipped in a (satire) warning. Next time I will try and be more clear when joking...
Perhaps I should do a Bush/Cheney endorsement by Doctor Octupus, "I love that Dick Cheney and his Halliburton, just like me, their tentacles are EVERYWHERE..."
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(Or ping: http://blogcritics.org/mt/tb/21318)
In the wake of Iran's endorsement of Bush for President (that's a true story, look it up) other leaders may be trying to chip in on their support of Bush as well.
I hear Army Special Forces have been busy jamming Osama bin Laden's attempts to broadcast his endorsement of Bush for re-election and bin Laden's thank you speech to Bush for diverting forces away from his pursuit and for his tactics that have made bin Laden's recruiting so much easier while making America's recruiting so much harder.
(The Iran part is true, the bin Laden part might be just a rumor...)