Affleck may finally have found a use for his obnoxious personality, because Drew is amazingly annoying. It doesn't hurt to have a foil like the always amusing Catherine O'Hara (as mother Christine Valco), of course, or James Gandolfini, who does what is essentially a 90-minute Tony Soprano slow burn as father Tom. Unfortunately, the results are all over the place. Surviving Christmas starts as a Christmas comedy with a bit of a cruel streak, but then clumsily segues into another interminable "will they or won't they?" romantic comedy.

The moral of the film is hopelessly schizo as well. Over and above the initial $250K outlay, Drew attempts to worm his way into the family's good graces by buying Tom a car, Christine a photo shoot, and hiring a helicopter to take Alicia and her brother Brian (Josh Zuckerman) tobogganing. Things inevitably fall apart, meaning the bribery didn't work, right? But wait, maybe Drew and Alicia are getting together after all, so...perhaps the way to a person's heart really is through spending exorbitant sums of money (even if nobody ends up happy, the Valcos are still 250 grand richer). What the hell kind of holiday message is that?

Here's a thought: how about not going to see any Christmas movies this year? Let those Hollywood bastards know you're sick of their endless attempts to tweak your emotions and make you feel guilty about being a scumbag the other eleven months of the year while they use profits from movies like this to import stolen infants from South Asia in order to maintain a fresh supply of pancreatic islet cells[1]. Spend the holidays with your family, or at least comfortably drunk, and avoid manipulative bilge like Surviving Christmas.

[1] That's what I heard.