What America really wants to know right now is... Who will be America's next top model?

Once again FOX has captured the essence of what America really has on it's mind. First they brought us Bill O'Reilly. Show of hands: how many of us knew he was a perv-waiting-to-happen? 1...2...3... 6.45 billion

Those geniuses at FOX though, being closer to Bill, must have seen this coming:

JOHN: Say Ed, got a minute?

ED: Sure John, what is it?

JOHN: You knew that Bill O'Reilly was a perv didn't you?

ED: Pffft! Of course! You mean you just found out?

JOHN: Well, I was off planet for the last three years... The alien abduction thing?

ED: Oh that's right! I remember you'd brought that up during the hiring process...

JOHN: What is FOX going to do?

ED: Don't fret John! Murdock has mills in Southeast Asia working 24/7 churning out crap! Here, let me show you the latest turd he had airlifted in just this morning!

JOHN: Say, is that Janice Dickinson - the world's first supermodel?

ED: Why yes it is!

JOHN: She still looks so young, perky and putrefyingly evil!

ED: She just flew in last night from Columbia where she regularly goes to devour the souls of young children deep in the jungle!

JOHN: Ha! I knew you couldn't just get that look at the Clinique Counter!

How does FOX do it? How do they dig up such disgusting people? Let's leave aside the poor fools that so desperately wish to be the next supermodel. Combined they barely have an IQ of a Chia Pet.

And I am not even referring to Tyra Banks... She was that way from the moment they wheeled her out of the lab...

But these other vile things...

Janice Dickinson... World's first supermodel? How about world's first biuberbitch? I keep waiting for the cockroaches to eat their way out of her...

Nigel Barker... His resume reads in part: Barker was born in London and educated in the English countryside. By... Whom? Above average sheep with brilliant conversational skills and a predilection for pretty boys?

Nole' Marin... He's gay and he looks like Bjork bjorked all over him... You can just here the FOX executives screaming WE HAVE TO HAVE HIM!!! Of course you do... What with Hell in off season what's the lil pisher ta do?

Jay Manuel... Never thought I'd see the day a manikin actually did come to life...

My question in all this is - why doesn't FOX just skip all this and go straight to what they've wanted to do all along - a nonstop crapfest. Yes, 24 hours a day of a guy sitting on the shitter after eating a lethal combination of industrial strength Prune juice and Max-o-Bran now with 400% more bran then ever before! Warning abdominal distension of more than 3 meters is unusual and should be reported to medical authorities and your local HAZMET team immediately.