What The Duke has learned from watching the film by the name of Terminal Invasion, directed by none other than Friday 13th's Sean S. Cunningham, is that Bruce Campbell is at the very least 99% more useful than The Government. The Government go to great lengths to make sure that no coke-riddled AK47-tooting terrorists get past airport security, but Bruce knows that the only way to keep the skies free from the threat of some diabolical catastrophe, is to put everyone through the airport X-Ray machines for to ensure that the folks are indeed human, and not filthy aliens out to enslave mankind.

It's the tiny details like that which ensure Bruce would get my vote, if he were ever to stand in the Northern Ireland elections.

What Terminal Invasion concerns itself with, is that Bruce is a rugged convict, on his way to some maximum security prison of some kind. I'm guessing he probably was the meanest motherfucker the streets have ever known, but all the script tells us is that he's a murderer. Still, not only has he got stubble, but his name is Jack, so we know he's just about the hardest of the hardcore.

What happens is that there's a blizzard of Emmerich proportions, and Bruce and the two cops who are escorting him to his new abode get caught up in all the snow, wind and so on, meaning they have to abandon the car and go find somewhere to hide out till this damn storm passes. Thankfully there's an airport nearby, filled with all manner of folks, most notably Chase Masterson, surely the most attractive pilot since way back when Tom Cruise was getting all homoerotic at the behest of Don Simpson.

Tom Cruise lost points, though, on account of he was a male, and even had a penis and probably at least two testicles.

Chase Masterson has nary a testicle to be seen, however, and is also very attractive.

What happens is that a bunch of CGI aliens have infiltrated the group assembled in the airport, and it's up to Bruce and the lovely Chase to find out who among them is going to be doing the freaky shit with their eyes, and then melting into a big puddle of pixelated purple stuff.

Since this was made for cable, we don't get to see Bruce at his maniacal best. Sometimes you just know he wants to lift a chainsaw and saw the guts off an alien or two, but he can't, on account of The Network. Sean S Cunningham, also, surely feels hindered by these restraints. Couple decades ago he was sticking things through Kevin Bacon's neck, but these days he has to make do with some slow motion punches and a big fade to black at the end of every revelation.