Starting immediately, when George Bush is working in the Oval Office of the White House, he will no longer leave the room to urinate or defecate. George will start depositing his bodily wastes directly on the Oval Office floor. As part of an appeal to his Conservative base, George Bush is announcing the new plan to demonstrate the inevitable conclusion to the administration's environmental policies.

George Bush announced his new initiative with a combative challenge to environmentalists, ''I'm not letting environmentalists destroy the efficiency of our administration by wasting time on disposing of harmless wastes. These environmental wastes are NOT harmful, they are used as fertilizer in many parts of the world and the time I save in not utilizing specialized, overly expensive and cumbersome ''human waste disposal receptacles'' will be my part in controlling the budget to pay for my tax cuts.'' Bush smirked as he quipped, ''I'm tired of people saying I don't give a crap about the effects of my tax cuts, so I'm giving a crap right on the White House floor. And I feel better after every time I do it, just like Dick Cheney after he swears.''

The White House has reported complaints about the new policy from liberal, immoral and unpatriotic people, obviously without family values. George Bush explained how he felt about those kinds of people, ''Sure Laura and the girls complained about the smell and the flies, but I told them they were just 'environmentalists'. And they knew pretty well that 'environmentalists' is the Republican code word for 'communist, tree-huggers who want to have a gay marriage to a terrorist'. So they shut up pretty quick on that liberal talk''.

The Bush-Cheney re-election campaign is making the new policy a centerpiece of their vote drive. ''It's time for those loyal Conservatives, those who haven't used the word 'environment' in a positive sentence since Ronald Reagan took office to go beyond just words. Crapping where you live is the new way to go. Pollution is just a figment of the liberal imagination.''

Big Time Patriot