NEW AD: Kerry Eats Babies and Rapes Women!
Published August 21, 2004
BUSH: ahahah! What a great sounding organization! Catchy title!
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2: And there's a book to go with it! It's called "Unfit For Anything but Hell"!
BUSH: hah. So are they really Vietnamese? Were they really raped and murdered by Kerry?
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2: [laughs] Ah, who gives a shit! All we do is air the accusations. A bored national media will turn anything we say into a feeding frenzy.
KARL ROVE: heh. We just chum the water, and let Drudge, Rush, FOX News, and our massive army of secretly funded bloggers do the rest.
BUSH: ...Like a Shark!
KARL ROVE: Oh god! Please not to mention that name!
MEDIA CONSULTANT#2: Suffice it to say that using our "chum" imagery, our right-wing talking heads, manipulators, and commentators are analogous to a top-of-the-food-chain, water-borne predator...
KARL ROVE: ...And dozens of lies about Kerry's past are like little bloody hunks of meat we toss off the Ship of State... heh.
BUSH: Okay. I don't know what the hell you're talkin' 'bout...
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1: That's fine, nevermind... anyway, all we do is air the accusations and let them take on a life of their own! The public are generally too stupid and easily distracted to dig for the truth in the matter, so all we do is keep trotting out complicated scenarios of corruption and evil on Kerry's part.
KARL ROVE: Kerry spends the entire pre-election period putting out fires about his past...
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1: Remember "...I didn't inhale"?
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2:That was ours.
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1: Remember "Rhodes Scholar and Commie Traitor Draft-Dodger"?
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2: Ours.
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1:Remember "TravelGate"?
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2: Ours.
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1: Vince Foster?
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2: Same team.
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1: Whitewater?
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2: Our masterpiece...
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1: And remember Monica?
BUSH: No! That wasn't yours too, was it?!
MEDIA CONSULTANT #2: [laughs] Well, not ALL ours; we had some help there: a bunch of Viagra and access to the White House Chef. [smiles, gives high five to Consultant #1]
MEDIA CONSULTANT #1: And Ken Starr kicked ass!
[They all pause, bow their heads, cross themselves, and have a moment of rapt silence]
[Finally...]
BUSH: Ah, I love campaigning. I love fighting for freedom, democracy, and...
KARL ROVE: ....the ultra-rich.
BUSH: ...Yeah, whatever you say, Karl...
- NEW AD: Kerry Eats Babies and Rapes Women!
- Published: August 21, 2004
- Type:
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
- Writer: Shark
- Shark's BC Writer page
- Shark's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
IT'S ALL TRUE!
And I have transcripts and the testimony of 250 people who were there! They served with those Marketing Consultants.
Okay, well, by "served with" -- I mean they shared the same planet at the same time.
PROOF!
Your lies have no meaning. I can easily obtain 200 affidavits from former interns, staff, and the occasional white house tour visitor proving that Clinton did not need Viagra to perform his duties as the president.
They also wouldn't run the risk of polluting the white house with viagra since even trace amounts of the substance can be fatal to Dick Cheney in his weakened condition. White house scientists have clearly shown that Viagra is not good for large Dicks.
RedTard, get your own material, 'kay.
Bush and Dick. Didn't God warn Adam about the two getting together?
A little Bush. A little Dick. Add a little oil. Bend over America.
Stop Mad Cowboy Disease.
It really hurts if you throw in a Colin.
~bada-bing!
Great stuff.
Humor is hard to come by in this election, where we have a hero to Vietnamese Communists running BEHIND the liberator of 50 million people.
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That's not true!