Not only is this about the funniest thing I've read all day, but I know what you mean--NBC ran a package on her the other day and I couldn't stop laughing at how haughty and ridiculous she was acting.

At the very least, it's her last Olympics and we'll never have to look at her again. Hopefully.

Thank you for making my day! What a funny posting! And TRUE!

Great post. Bratty Russians. Well, at least they have some personality now that the cold war is over. She doesn't have to worry about being sent to Siberia. She is worried about endorsements.

peaceloveguidance

thanks for the post.

i thought she was a drag queen.

if i were here i would be bitter too. hell, i am not her and i am bitter.

jack e. jett

great one Shark - although I have a certain fondness for Russian spiders with blond skulls, being a poor loser is inexcusable.

BTW, technically they would have to be boys for you to be a pederast, which you're not or anything of course

What a disgrace to journalism you are, a cheap attempt to achieve humour by ridiculing one of teh greatest things that happened to the sport of gymanstics that you probably know very little of. A biased skewed view you have indeed on gymanstics, I think the record books will show who the better gymnast is and the bratty 16 year old Patterbutt will be another victim of American media another Mary Lou Retton yuck. I see no need to victimise Khorkina she was celebrating her career at these olympics and was obviously loved by the audience adn anyone who knows anything of gymnastics (obviously not you) Such a turnaround normally the americans steal teh spotlight. Your tactless comaprison to an ostrich is neither original nor funny just shows your lack of character and how petty you are. Why dont we critcise Carlya nd her eyebrows or leotard up her ass. Another thing is your frewuent use of foul language in criticising Khorkina shows your restricted vocabulary and your innapropriate style of writing. Your facts are worng she did not perform to fiddlers on the roof but acropolis adieu. If you knew Russian which a perosn of your intellect could probably not muster you would realise translations sometimes cause confusion. Khorkina is AN olympic chmapion on bars twice and has every right to say if the judges were greek she woudl win as obviously she was the crowd favourite as they actually ahd respect for her rather than you who is probably an uneducated, bitter american taking out their anger out on a Russian as America becomes stronger within the sport. bitter about the soviets and their dominance and yes MLR woudl not win if soviets competed because you know what she WASNT a good gymnast just a frumpy vaulter. She woudl have lost as she lacks garce as american gymanst do and as you did in this article. Accept Khorkina is best thing that happened to gymnastics post USSR since sliced bread! Now I suggest you learn about this sport and stop tarnishing it by attacking a superstar of the sport becuase of your racist anti-russian thoughts. No wonder euopeans hate americans. I suggest you stick to cleaning your house or reporting football matches because there is no place for people like you. I wish you all the bets in your search for a brain I guess George Bush is your idol as well. Well good luck

Yeah, I heard on NPR that the Russians were really having a hard time dealing with their poor showing this time around, and I guess we're seeing a demonstration of that here.

On the contrary the Russians were thrilled for the bronze if you saw the medal ceremony, their economy is not strong and sport gets less funding. Seeing as Pavlova was robbed of a bronze as well I feel Svetlana was celebrating her win of the silver medal and that she had won a medal for Russia.

It would be great if people actually had knew some real information rather than trusting the commentators who almost have as little knowledge as you.

apparently fans of Russian gymnastics eschew punctuation, perhaps in symbolic protest against the monolithic American juggernaut that has only to show up on order to win

This is hilarious. While I sat through the dreadful NBC tale of the Diva, I wondered how the Denver Post could call the coverage jingoistic.

Thanks for the laughs.

I really enjoyed Svetlana's floor exercise, by the way - she's a performer all the way and there is nothing wrong with that. And she is kind of sexy in sunken-cheeked, spidery-ostrich kind of way

Your tactless comaprison to an ostrich is neither original nor funny

Yeah, but if it's "not original" then it's probably true then, isn't it? And it definitely is indeed funny - it was the first thing I thought when I saw her, too. A bird doing gymnastics! Who ever saw such a thing?

Kate, I think the important thing here is, well, one, lighten up! You obviously haven't been paying attention to anything else Shark has written about the Olympics - it's ALL written with a humorous slant. If you're not seeing the humor in it, maybe you need to take a step back from the sport, maybe even go out and have a donut and a nice Diet Coke for a while, or get some Wintergreen Lifesavers - you know, a break. Breaks are good for people. Donuts aren't, but you can balance out the badness with that Diet Coke. And, you know, two, most people don't really care enough to worry about the little details you seem to obsess over. For us "little people," those not "in the know," like you apparently are, watching the Olympics is just for fun, you know?

Your tactless comaprison

Oh, crap! Forgive me, I didn't realize she was talking not about the comparison, but a comaprison. A coma is nothing to joke about, it really is like a prison to not only the person in the coma, but to the family and friends of the person in the "coma prison."

Katie, thanks for your input. I appreciate your dedication to that spoiled, wimpering sore-loser Khorkina.

And as far as American football, well, come back when the season starts to see how I treat obese, untalented American steroid sponges that play that ridiculous game.

And thanks for again for your typing efforts --- you reminded me that it's time to break out some William Faulkner for a bit of light summer reading because I'm hot here and there's not much else to do because I don't like to go outside when the weather gets this hot since I don't tan well but rather break out with freckles and that slightly hairless spot on the crown of my head usually burns if I stay out too long and don't pay attention to the time that passes as I watch that burning glowing orb pass across an azure sky tickled by the occassional passing cloud that sends just a hint of a shadow over my scorched landscape as it flitters and flies and finally disperses evaporated in the humid air of late summer knowing that it will soon end and the olypmics will be but a fond memory of commercial tie-ins and forgotten glories of has-been superstars whose only talent is the ability to lick their own toes or kiss their own asses or bend in ways that are neither appealing or artistic and pretty piss-poor excuses for dancing as well come to think of it.

But really, how did you like my take on Bob Costas?

Thanxancumeggin!

LOL!

Shark, you are the wind beneath my left wing. ;)

Thanks, (I think) ...and I'm always happy to provide Blogcritics with fodder for a nice "international incident" with our Russian friends.

This article is a perfect demostration of american stupidity and ignorance, I would imagine reading this sorta crap in the 80's, but now? You are pathetic, keep up the great job, frustrated journalist wannabes.

"This article is a perfect demostration of american stupidity and ignorance..."

As long as it's perfect!

(BTW: That would be a 10.0, wouldn't it? Awesome!!!)

SVETLANA? is that YOU?

Face it kids, Queen Sveta had a break on beam, did her usual 'i'm not cheating these floor landings, it's ARTISTRY! i'm DANCING out of them!' and just generally looks to be at the climax of her eating disorder (which has been building since 1999). Following it up with her weird Jacko-esque goodby in the arena and her graceless press conference will not do her any favors come event finals.

Shark, I have never read here before but the link was posted on a gym gossip message board, and it was fantastic.

that is all.

that was hilarious... the ostrich comparison was right on the money... but someone also compared her to bambi trying to walk, which I also thought was pretty good. =)

You can say whatever you want. You can believe you're funny, and some other people can believe that too.
But there is a fact, that even in your typical narrow american mind will fit: When in 10-15 or 20 years (it the world still exists, mostly due to you americans), when in the future people discuss about the GOAT (greatest o all time), for sure that Khorkina will be one of the most mentioned names, and nobody will say anything, or even remember Carly Patterson (even I admit she is a good gymnast and good olympic champion). But the future, the Sport Olympus, is restricted to the best. And no, Carly never will, and yes, despite your un-funny jokes, Svetlana will ever be. And no, you're not funny, you're just pretending. It's the american way of life you know. But now, all we know that too.

Boy, you really have your head up your ass about this, don't you? You couldn't be so far WRONG about Ms. Khorkina. I have never met her, but I do know somebody who is currently competeing in the Games (sorry, I'm not revealing who...in fact she pointed your "essay" about Svetlana to me) and from what she has told me, she is one of the classiest people you'd ever meet; something you'd know nothing about.

If she "chain smokes," I doubt she'd have the wind and stamina to compete..wrong there, me boyo.

And to those who made fun of her from seeing the NBC pacakge, I think it's NOBLE that she wants to have kids..jealous because you can't?

She has been to the Olympics...has some medals...something YOU don't have.

Jealousy really hurts, doesn't it?

BTW...my friend told me that Carly wouldn't appreciate the "cute and cuddly comment"..she's a woman, not a teddy bear. And there is a picture of Carly looking at Svetlana's silver medal..not the other way around.

One more thing...you didn't have to show you are a perv by making comments about the gymnasts genitalia..makes you look like an asshole...but judging from your post, that's not hard for you to do, pally....

I don't think it is wise to emphasize that Khorkina is Russian. The real point is that she lacks grace in defeat.

All American woman, Nancy Kerrigan, proved to be just as lacking in grace when she lost her second bid for an Olympic gold in figure skating.

Kerrigan seemed to find it easier to get endorsements than either Michelle Kwan or Kristi Yamaguchi initially. But her poor attitude probably kept her from getting more.

Khorkina has gymnastic moves named after her and that alone will keep her name alive in gymnastics.

As for the tendency to look for crotch shots...you sure that isn't because most of the photographers/camera people are men like the original poster? Luckily most of the American women have lucrative alternatives so unlike some former Romanian gymnasts they won't be reduced to fulfilling men's fantasies out of economic need.

Personally, I was paying attention to the skills and not the body parts when I was watching both men and women's gymnastic competition.

Jeez, struck a nerve, eh? GOOD!

Let's see:

"Fantastic"
"Hilarious"
"un-funny American..."
"Head up your ass"
"Jealous"

and

a male pervert for noticing the glow-in-the-dark vulvas.

Not bad for a day's work.

All I can say is: "If you people judging me were Greek, I'd be the funniest, most honest & brilliant poster around! You are the ones who are going to have to live with your conscience! I'm still champion!"

~phhhhttttt! [Shark blowing raspberry]

I'll add: "boisterous merriment", "a screaming farce", and "uproarious story"

I'll give it a 7.5, which is damn good in diving.

Well, you've pissed of the foreigners.

I give you a TEN. :)

Of all the emotional hand-wringing posts, I give points to Purple Tigress for reminding me that Nancy Kerrigan was a complete loser as well. Kerrigan had the grace of a thrown canteloupe and the charm of a hockey puck. I have long though that getting whacked by that porn star's goons (I forget her name) was the best thing that ever happened to her -- she certainly didn't deserve the medal she won.

But of course, Kerrigan's lsing personality doesn't change the fact that Khorkina is whiny and sucked.

People need to remember, btw (and I'm sorry to get all serious for a second), that this is the Olympic freaking Games. How well you can do overall doesn't mean squat if you can't make it happen when it counts. Maybe the drunken ostrich thing plays well all year long, or maybe she doesn't weeble-wobble and bounce quite so much outside of these fine games.

Think about how many athletes are top of the world before showing up for the games, and then choke hard when the cameras roll. At least Khorkina didn't completely fall apart.

Unless you count the chooking-on-birdseed thing.

Carly Patterson...you call that grace while dissing Zvetlana? You must be kidding me...and the other almost 5 billion people. Take a look back and get familiar with who are the queens of gymnastics since...FOREVER. Carly Patterson...she is okay but definetely doesnt have the blood of a champion.

I was going to say something rude about Svetlana, but after reading Scott Levison's post up there, I realized that I was motivated by pure jealously (envy, actually). It's true. I kick myself daily for not having spent my first 16 years learning how to balance myself on a two-by-four. Why, oh, why didn't I learn how to do a backflip off my parent's furniture instead of play army and baseball? Why did I waste all that time studying my lessons and riding my bike around the neighborhood, when I could have learned to spin around and around on a bar? My life has been wasted. And it's true that when I and friends and family gather 'round to relive the great moments in Olympic gymnastics history, we will always come back to Svetlana with deep reverence and admiration. She, above all other gymnasts, even Kurt Thomas and Olga Korbut and brave little Helium Voice from the last Olympics, has shown us all how to live. Bless you, Svetlana. Shame on you, Shark, for making light of the most shining examples of excellence that the world has to offer.

Great post. I love sarcasm and yours is great. That russian gymnast looks mean !!!!!!!!

There is no doubt that the judges were totally biased toward the USA this time around. Khorkina was robbed of her gold, although Patterson was good, Khorkina was much better.
To support this:-
Did anybody see the crowd boo the hell out of the judges when Alexei Nemov was similarly robbed of a gold on the bar? For 10 minutes the crowd jeered after Alexei recieved his score that only put him in 3rd spot when it was obviously a gold medal routine. Then Hamm (the unworthy gold medalist who should be stripped of it as it has been revealed that there was JUDGING ERROR and it should have gone to someone else) got a silver for a routine that was not nearly as difficult or well executed as Nemov's.

Khorkina and Nemov are the undisputed stars of gymnastics over the last 3 olympics, and over a decade, and have a right to bag judges when they are unabashedly biased against them. It is wrong that these amazing athletes are discriminated against on such a world scale, and by idiots when people make personal attacks at them (like in this forum) when they know nothing about gymnastics, or the cold war for that matter.

Get your facts right you yankee wankers!

Duane, the "jealousy" thing hit me where it hurt. Thanks for your heart-felt confession.

After listening to these lectures, I too feel like I've wasted my life.

And although I did spend a good deal of time flyin' around on my local monkey bars, I didn't have the foresight to become a professional at it.

And as far as the anti-American shit I keep hearing from people with names like "Nikola" (which, btw, sounds like a soft drink made by a state-run eastern european cigarette company) -- I only have one thing to say:

Ever heard of Iraq?

Keep it up, and you're next.

U.S.A!

U.S.A!

U.S.A!

U.S.A!

in all of this only one thing really counts about Horky in these Games: the bitch bobbled

Well, as for myself, I am glad that Russia and America have again after many years become friends now that the Soviet Union no longer exists. The growing friendship between our countries is far better than the cold war that existed before. And there is so much we have in common. But as with all friendships, there are disagreements. Olympic results are no exception, clearly.

As for my opinion, I have some concerns over the judging process, I think some reform is needed to increase our confidence in it. I think the reveiw of video recordings of the competitors (and the judges)performance is needed when any protest is filed.

Take the case of Paul Hamm, when the video was reviewed, it was clear that the Korean made mistakes that his score did not reflect, resulting in Paul being confirmed as the legitimate winner of the event. It can't be any fairer than that, the proof is in the video.

If there is any doubt of the results in the women's competition, then a protest should have been filed and a video review performed as it was with the men's competition.

If a protest is not filed, then no one has a right to challenge the award of the medals. There is an honorable way to protest, it should be used.

My comment is directed for the post left by Phillip Winn. Your drawing a comparison between Nancy Kerrigan and a hockey puck was completely unfair...to the hockey puck. I have known many a puck in my day and have never been impressed with their lack of grace.
As for Svetlana, the self proclaimed "Queen of Gymnastics" (would someone PLEASE get her a sandwich) maybe she is just that. The best in the world? Perhaps. On Monday night, and she could have been from Pago Pago, Carly Patterson was better.

Hmmmm.....Has anybody ever seen Khorkina and Michael Jackson in the same room together?? I knew that Margaret Thatcher and Benny Hill were the same person, but this Jacko/Khorkina thing ????

So now is as good a time as any to revive the age old definition of sport:

It must be a timed (quantified) competition

or

it must involve some sort of tournament involving a (spherical) object and a goal

No subjective judging--it may be athletic but it aint a sport.

I love this cause now golf qualifies (which I loathe) but figure skating and gymnastics, exemplars of human athletic grace do not.

I guess that excludes my favorite, 43-Man Squamish, since there is no time limit, no spheres, and no goals. Damn. Just when it looked like it might make it into the next Olympics.

I love this cause now golf qualifies (which I loathe) but figure skating and gymnastics, exemplars of human athletic grace do not.

Actually, I think figure skating has time limitations on the short and long programs. The skaters need to perform a certain number of moves within that timeframe, I believe.

I'm not sure about gymnastics, though. Anyone know if the floor routines have a time limit?

Either way, your point is well taken. The "age old definition" of sport doesn't work.

Too much of this Olympic crap is all subjective anyways.

They've even made BOXING a matter of opinion!

Screw the Olympics. Sure, the US is coming out on top. But it's still a corrupt farce.

I'd like to see "Jeopardy" become an Olympic sport.

Do we really need to encourage little bulemic girls who can do flips on a 2 x 4?

Reward those who know their trivia.

Both Patterson and Khorkina are fantastic gymnasts, but I can see why Svetlana was so disappointed, after all it was her last chance at gold. I happen to know that Patterson is a friend of a friend's and isn't the nicest person in the world herself (and she's certainly not cute and cuddly!).

Hmmm... months after the Olympics ended...

Well, Patterson deserved gold, but I prefer Khorkina.

Patterson is like ten years younger, so it would have been extremely embarrassing if she had won silver.

I hope the girl is enjoying her gold, 'cause she's good, but I'd bring her another choreographer. I seriously thought I was watching a little robot every time she'd "dance".

Khorkina, on the other side, really made gymnastics a really nice and graceful thing to watch.

Now, if we talk about the Romanian team... Can't wait to see Ponor in the AA. Power and grace at the same time.

But that's just my opinion.

Keep it up Shark!!! This is funny as all hell... To the people who can't appreciate it.. If you don't like it, don't read it.. Plain and simple..

And before I get the "stuck-up american" comment.. I'm in the Navy, and I can nuke your house from where I'm sitting, so CAN it!!! Lighten up, and congratulate Shark on yet another breath of fresh air!!!

I never thought Khorkina had any bit of grace in her gymnastics all through out her career. She's always looked awkward and klutzy in her moves. Her floor exercise routine in the women's all-around was nothing but "look at me, look at me" type of attitude which really teed me off. Her uneven bars routines had a couple mistakes such as trying to save a move, which is an automatic .3 deduction and she didn't stick her landing either, which is another .1 - .2 deduction. She also had a wobble on her beam routine, which was about .1 - .2 deduction along with too much of a pause in her routine and not showing enough amplitude on her leaps and she didn't stick her dismount. The only area where she was better than Carly was on vault that night, but that was it. Otherwise Carly kicked her butt fair and square.

The Russians just need to get over it, stop whining so much, and actually start working harder like us Americans do.

You didn't see Courtney Kupets whine about her balance beam score in the all-around, even though she didn't fall off the beam.

Russia just needs to accept the fact that they're no longer the dominant country in gymnastics and they need to either improve their gymnastics or get left behind in the dust.

Hmmm, you're right there - grace is subjective. I've found grace and, above all things, elegance in Khorkina - well, in Russian gymnasts in general. It is a shame that they whine and everything, but I do think they do deserve credit for their elegance. Maybe it's the training régime? I guess so - after all, they are still the élite of rhythmic gymnastics in the World.

American gymnasts... They're not as elegant or as graceful, but they are powerful. I think there is hope, though - there's this girl, Nastia Liukin, who does not look like a robot. I hope they don't screw her up. I like her.

Romanian gymnasts... Well, some call them Rombots, but I think the only ones who can do that are Chinese and Russians. Catalina Ponor really surprised me. I think she would have done well in rhythmic gymnastics, too. Shame the whole team quit and everything.

Chinese... Dang. Perfect moves, perfect routines, perfect everything. They're going to take all the medals in Beijing for sure.

well... you always hear about the people who are sore losers (like the russian diva)...
then... you've got some people who are sore winners... it goes both ways i guess...

you know what? just because the US won the gold doesn't mean you should start BS-ing about other people... and no, im not russian... and thank GOD im not american either...
the way americans act is such a disappointment to... everyone.

what you did shows that you have no character.
(by the way, you're not even the one who won gold... i dont see carly complaining...?)

shut up you fool!
khorkina is the best!

this is really mean.
put under the pressure and stuff okay sure she was probably upset about not getting gold.
you talking about her in a negative way shows no respect. if shes a sore loser. then what does that make you. since you wrote this...
a bird doing gymnastics... [comment above]..
go ahead and just TRY doing one of her routines. i'm sure you'll look 10 times more funny than you thought she did.