European metal, man. Who knows what the hell to make of it? Couple years ago everyone's attention was focussed on those black-metal types what put their adolescent sexual frustrations to good use via getting all obsessed with ludicrous fascist mythology and burning a church or two and then murdering each other.

If only Elvis Costello had been Norwegian.

Then there's folks like those Rammstein fellas, what prefer to throw a load of the industrial thrashings about the place, and also shoot spunk from out of daft prosthetic willies.

Beyond the murders and arson and fake spunkings and all that hilarity, The Duke had little knowledge of the old "metal scene" in Europe, and so was somewhat surprised when, via the inspection of these here 3 DVD's what will now be assessed, I discovered that there's a frightening number of bands playing very dated, occasionally very bad, progressive rock and also thrash and so on.

It's all very 1987, is what.

So, curious to see what kinda noise might be crafted around song titles like Be My Godzilla and United Suicide Legion, I flung in the first disc, the one concerning itself with the Acid Drinkers, 15 Screwed Years.

In case you didn't know, allow The Duke to explain that the Acid Drinkers consist of a few fellas with names like Titus and Popcorn, and have been playing their thrash nonsense since 1985 (barring a two-year period when Titus had to go join the army). Also, in 1998, they won the Polish Grammy for Best Metal Band. All The Duke can deduce from this is that 1998 must have been, like, the most wretched motherfucking year in the history of Polish metal.

If you're a fan of these folks, though, this DVD, like all three reviewed in this article, is brimming with stuff for to be getting all preoccupied with. In addition to the two concerts what serve as the main features, there are 6 bonus videos and a couple interviews, plus loads of the "Art galleries" and stuff like that, meaning the whole affair clocks in at 150 minutes. To be honest, it puts a lot of the more respected acts to shame, is what.

Sadly, as far as The Duke is concerned, these folks are diabolically bad. You'd think there'd be a wit of some kind running through it all, what with the cover versions of Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life and so on, and tracks like Human Bazooka and I Fuck The Violence. You'd assume they don't take themselves too seriously.

Whether or not they find it hilarious, though, The Duke finds it to be woeful arse-muck. There ain't enough ironic detachment in all of Southern California for to make it appear any less torturous. Tuneless, weak, badly-played piss is very much the order of the day. Even if you go ahead and call your song Be My Godzilla, you better have a decent, memorable bit of the old "music" to go alongside the wacky title, but no, this is just plodding, embarrassing jock-rock bullshit.