LATEST UPDATE:

I watched TUES. night's (Aug. 17) activities and don't have much to say.

The Flying Munchkins With Hormone Problems (aka USA Little Girls' Gymnastics Team) got a Silver Medal — and once again, NBC's pick to become the next cute overhyped Mary Lou Retton choked at every opportunity.

So much for the hype.

Spend every friggin' day of your life distorting your body for a climactic couple of nights every four years — then hit a small bump — and you're relegated to the dust-bin of Sports TV history. You'll be lucky if you show up as a Jeopardy question or a bar bet.

I can't even tell you the name of the girl who [in 1996] was the big star of the last "dramatic" moment in gymnastics history; she sprained her ankle and the network treated her like Audie Murphy single-handedly fighting a Panzer Division in the Battle of the Bulge.

I do remember the guy who carried her around the venue: Bela Karolyi.

Ahahaha.

Don't you know she's thrilled?

("I wasted my childhood, sprained the fuck outta my ankle, and Shark doesn't remember my name!?")

Like forgetting Custer's name but remembering his *horse's.

Fame and fortune. Bait and Switch.

Fickle Finger of Fate.

etc.

*Comanche (--I knew that)

++++++++

Another thing I noticed is that our fucked up hyper-inflated Nationalism is apparently rotting away the brains at NBC; you'd think there were only one or two countries competing in most events.

The Chinese gymnasts got less time than Pat Buchanan will get at the upcoming GOP Convention — and a casual glance makes it look like the White Western European Olympics.

Not much else to report, since everywhere I looked, there was an American in a close-up shot.

Oh, and another over-hyped kid, Michael Phelps, finally arrived at Shangri-La, bailing out all the ad execs and NBC marketing pricks who invested billions in his potential gold medals. He got two last night. Good for him.

And Crikey! No American swimmer did that air-guitar thing on the podium. What's wrong with those boys? Are they really 'American'?! I say test 'em for drugs!

Not much else... I think I'm done...

Oh, wait:

Yeah, that's right: NO bombs or terrorist attacks yet, thank god, but don't you dare change the channel to CNN, 'cause **Iraq is still a fucking vietnam-like quagmire.

** Basically off America's radar; WE GOT BORED with THAT 'competition' — and would rather focus on something we have a chance of winning.

U.S.A!

U.S.A!

Shark "Analyzes" Monday Night's Activities

Shark Does The Opening Ceremony and Weekend Events

Shark Does a play-by-play of the "Dream Team" vs YMCA Blind Wheelchair Basketball Team