If a fella were to throw the subject of American soap-opera into a conversation, perhaps somewhere between a discussion about Pygmalion and some musings on stem cell research, that self same fella would probably note that a lot of folks immediately start yacking about Dynasty, or Dallas.

These right here, these fondly remembered nuggets of glossy, nonsensical toss, these are the touchstones for an outsiders concept of American Soap-Opera.

A recent televisual program, however, has caused The Duke to ponder, sometimes stroking my chin and squinting slightly;

How much better would those shows have been if, say, Jerry Ewing took a second for to cut his foreskin off with a pair of scissors? What if we had a lengthy sequence wherein J.R sucks the gunk out of a ladies guts for to make her thinner?

Thank fuck and all what that entails, then, since a show has gone ahead and done just this, except with new characters, one of whom looks a lot like Jack, the gay fella from The Dawson Creek or whatever, and another who looks kinda like the dad from Happiness what turned out to be a damn kiddie-fiddler. As the twist or whatever, the former fella don't wax philosophical and then everyone complains cause fuck, man, teenagers don't talk like that. I heard those Kris Kross fellas, and I gotta be honest, I doubt they know a damn thing about Felini.

Just my motherfucking opinion, is all.

The show in question might like to entertain notions of being some kind of challenging adult drama, but truth be told, it ain't nothing but a melodramatic, glossy, and, it must be noted, exceptionally brilliant soap opera.

Nip / Tuck has been entertaining folks for a couple years now, but on account of The Duke don't own no Sky television, I had to wait for Channel 4 in the United UK to pick it up, that I might sample its wares.

I watched the first episode a couple nights back, and then something happened and I got to see the following two instalments.

In case you were thinking that The Duke might have downloaded episodes 2 and 3 from off of some satanic web-net site hidden from google and from right-thinking society in general, then you'd be wrong, since it was in fact something involving Aliens and so on.

Anal probes, I feel I should also note, are surprisingly enjoyable affairs, and certainly not the ferocious onslaughts that those folks who crop up in the woods in Alabama now and again might like to tell you.

Put your damn pants on and stop your filthy fucking lying, is what The Duke would command for you to do.

Nip / Tuck is a series as potentially addictive as the practices what it depicts; ie, the plastic surgery. Just as these folks return again and again and for to get just a little bit extra lopped off the old buttocks, necks, cheeks and so on, so The Duke finds that he needs just that one more fix, man. Just gotta find out what happens next, is all. Just wanna see if his willy was repairable. Just wanna know if he sleeps with that woman or if, no, he's gonna have a crisis of conscience all of a damn sudden, and anyway, he can't get an erection for love nor money.