The Gospel According to St. Mickey

Written by bookofjoe
Published August 14, 2004

Mark Pinsky, religion writer for the Orlando Sentinel, is a long-time student of the cult of Disney.

His article on the quiet ascension of the World of Walt to the status of U.S. national faith appeared in this morning's Washington Post.

It is revelatory.
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Finding Faith in the House of the Mouse

Disney's Pervasive Vision Omits Churches but Reflects Belief in Higher Power

The world's most famous rodent and his animated friends say more about faith and values than you might think - they're not just postage stamps.

There are life lessons in the full-length animated features that have been the signature of the Walt Disney Co. for nearly seven decades.

Peter Pan taught us that "faith, trust and pixie dust" can help you leave your cares behind.

Jiminy Cricket showed Pinocchio - and millions of moviegoers - that "when you wish upon a star," dreams come true.

"Bambi" stimulated baby-boomer support for gun control and environmentalism.

"Cinderella" became a syndrome.

"The Little Mermaid" illustrated the challenges of intermarriage.

"The Lion King" hinted at Hindu tradition in the "Circle of Life."

Walt Disney said he wanted his theme parks to be "a source of joy and inspiration to all the world."

Some have compared them to shrines to which American families make obligatory pilgrimages, parents reconnecting with their own childhoods while helping their kids experience a cartoon fantasy mecca.

Even Disney's detractors see tremendous symbolic value in his cartoon characters.

As a boycott loomed in the mid-1990s, one Southern Baptist leader - denouncing the Disney corporation's human-resources policies toward same-sex couples - asked his sympathizers: "Do they expect Mickey to leave Minnie and move in with Donald? That's goofy!"

There is a consistent set of moral and human values in these movies, loosely based on Western, Judeo-Christian faith and principles, which together constitute a "Disney gospel."

Ironically, it is at the same time a largely secular scripture that reflects the personal vision of Walt Disney and the company he shaped in his image and, to a lesser degree, the commercial goals of the studio.

So good is always rewarded; evil is always punished.

Faith is an essential element - faith in yourself and, even more, faith in something greater than yourself, even if it is some vague, nonsectarian higher power.

Hard work and optimism complete the basic canon.

In "Pinocchio," an old man needed a miracle, supernatural intervention, to give life to his little boy, slumped motionless across the room.

So the white-haired woodcarver did what might be expected under the circumstances:

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The Gospel According to St. Mickey
Published: August 14, 2004
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Section: Culture
Writer: bookofjoe
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#1 — August 14, 2004 @ 20:57PM — RJ [URL]

How about this for the next Disney animated film:

Mickey and Minnie have an amicable divorce after Mickey admits to his homosexual tendencies. Mickey then shacks up with Goofy.

The pair move to Massachusetts to get married, but they are not allowed, because Goofy is a dog, and this would therefore constitute not merely a gay marriage, but an inter-species marriage.

The ACLU submits an amicus brief on behalf of our delightful characters when Goofy fights all the way to the US Supreme Court arguing that, while he may be a dog, he is a sentient creature, just like Mickey, and is therefore to be accorded the same rights as anyone else. An animated Flipper and Mr. Ed make cameo appearances here.

Mickey v. Massachusetts captures the attention of the nation, and the USSC decides in favor of the protagonists by a vote of 7-2. A sinister Scalia and Thomas cast the dissenting votes, but their own love affair comes out after Donald Duck accidentally videotapes Scalia begging Thomas for "rough bareback sex" from a "well-endowed black American."

Mickey and Goofy then fly to Boston to get hitched, but a crazed right-wing gunman named Jorge Shrub kills them both with a semi-automatic assualt rifle that was recently un-banned by corrupt Congressmen led by Don Telay.

The final scene shows Mickey and Goofy involved in an STD-free all-male gang bang, sans-condoms, in heaven, teaching kids that true love never dies.


Whatcha think? Should I pitch this to Eisner?

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