Fat Bastard
Published August 11, 2004
From here:
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. - A Nebraska man who once weighed more than half a ton has lost 321 pounds in a Sioux Falls hospital, with a goal of losing another 450 pounds.Patrick Deuel, 42, of Valentine, weighed 1,072 pounds when he was admitted to Avera McKennan Hospital eight weeks ago. Deuel, who is just under 6 feet tall, is on a 1,200 calorie-a-day diet.
He wants to lose at least another 450 pounds or more in the next year and a half to two years. He is being supervised by a team of eight doctors.
This fat pile of shit actually waited until he was over half a ton before he decided to lose some weight? I mean, what prompted this decision? The growth of that embarrassing 17th chin?
"If we hadn't gotten him here, he'd be dead now," said Fred Harris, Deuel's lead doctor.
That, or he'd need his own zip code.
[...]A group known as the League of Human Dignity helped arrange for Deuel to be driven to a local livestock scale, where he could be weighed.
I'm sorry, what was that? These idiots think they are promoting "human dignity" by weighing a fellow human being on a fucking livestock scale?
[...]Deuel said the emotional toll of his obesity has been overwhelming. "Until recently, I wasn't able to see any light at the end of the tunnel," he said Monday from his hospital bed.
Then maybe you should have stared at a lamp through a donut hole before devouring all those Krispy Kremes, you land manatee.
[...]Deuel couldn't fit into a standard ambulance, so medical officials found one in Denver that has a special gurney and ramps. At [the hospital], workers joined two beds for Deuel.
One wonders what kinds of farm implements are required to change his bedpan on a (hopefully) daily basis...
[...]"Even though he's faced negativity all these years, he's not a negative person," Edith Deuel said. "He's almost always been able to stay bubbly and make jokes and be happy."
Well, of course. You people are always jolly...
[...][M]ore than anything else, he just wants to enjoy spending evenings walking with his wife, free of the weight that has denied him simple pleasures.
"I'd like that," he said, smiling at his wife. "I'd really like that."
Yeah, and the occasional intercourse wouldn't hurt either...
RJ Elliott is a graduate student studying Criminal Justice at the University Of Central Florida. His likes include nature, sports, and pierced blondes. He dislikes daytime television, left-wing dictators, and lead-tainted Chinese imports. He is ambivalent about Angelina Jolie.
- Fat Bastard
- Published: August 11, 2004
- Type:
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire
- Writer: RJ Elliott
- RJ Elliott's BC Writer page
- RJ Elliott's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
ah, another post that makes me proud to be a blogcritic
...Compassionate Conservatives?
why is this under etcetera: internet and etcetera: media?
I think the etcetera column should be done away with. New categories should be created:
Politics, Art, Satire, Technology (ipod, mp3, apple, etc.) and these should stand equal with books, videos, etc.
And more distinction should be made about what is posted where, so threads like this are not alongside serious debates, but are clearly marked as rants/slams (in this case against the severely overweight) or even marked as false rhetoric.
I think people should post whatever they want and I don't want to discourage that, but I think if things are more distinctly marked, new people coming to this site won't get the idea that it is a clone of WorldNetDaily with even more outrageous ghost writers.
can we just add an Etc. subcategory for "Juvenile Crap"?
"Compassionate Conservatives?"
I never claimed to be "compassionate." I'm much closer to misanthropy, TYVM.
"can[sic] we just add an Etc. subcategory for "Juvenile Crap"?"
Sure, and we'll place it in the Mark Saleski Wing of the site...
I can see the Subway commercials now ...
on a serious note, I am not particularly sympathetic to the overweight, but when it gets this out of hand, clearly something far beyond normal gluttony is involved
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I think there should be charges brought against whoever was feeding this pig. At over 1000 pounds he wasn't going to the store himself and nobody could take him in a regular vehicle (at least without a commercial drivers license). Somebody had to refill his supply of twinkies and they should be held responsible.