Eyes Without a Face
Published August 06, 2004
The face is the locus of the human persona. At the deepest level, a distorted face can signify that God or the universe may be quirky and careless, or at worst, vengeful and punitive. When others judge a face to be marred, it serves as an unconscious reminder to them that the whole human experience, including their own, is one of being flawed. In our western culture, we have inherited the dogma that we are innately evil, born with the birth defect of original sin. The religions of the east filter their Calvinism through concepts of enlightenment and karma. This sort of cultural and religious background is the basis for the deep subtext that perforce accompanies any disabled character. Even the medical model of disability only substitutes cure for salvation. I believe that seeing and accepting one's "flawed" condition is a core spiritual growth experience, an essential step in developing emotional maturity for all people, disabled and otherwise.Ann Lemott describes one of Roche's performances, "The Church of 80 Percent Sincerity":
- He told of wanting to form a gang of the coolest disfigured people in the world, like the Phantom, the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, Freddie Krueger, and Michael Jackson. They'd go places as a group--bowling, perhaps, or to one of the make-over counters at the next Macy's White Flower Day Sale.
"People assume I had an awful childhood," he continued. "But I didn't. I was loved and esteemed by my parents. My face may be unique, but my experiences aren't. I believe they are universal."
Wouldn't you think that having that thing on his face totally messed with his adolescent sex life? Of course it did, he said. And he was a little fat, too, a chubby little disfigured guy. But these things were not nearly as detrimental as having been raised Catholic; having been, as he put it, an incense survivor.
Telling his stories through a crazy mouth, a jumble of teeth, only one lip and a too-large tongue, David's voice did not sound garbled but strangely like a brogue; like that of a Scottish person who just had a shot of Novocain.
"We with facial deformities are children of the dark" he said. "Our shadow is on the outside. And we can see in the dark: we can see you, we see you turn away, but one day we finally understand that you turn away not from our faces but from your own fears. From those things inside you that you think mark you as someone unlovable to your family, and society and even to God.
- Eyes Without a Face
- Published: August 06, 2004
- Type:
- Section: Culture
- Writer: Dirtgrain
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I believe the notion that everyone is abusive is false. I never harassed the handicapped kids as a child. Knew other children who didn't, either. The mean kids, did. And, they grew up to be mean adults, I suspect.
A writing acquaintance of mine who had cancer as a child, and, was disfigured as a result, committed suicide a few years ago. The 'scaring people' issue was compounded for her because she was the kind of thin, willowy blonde men often approach. Some of them would become quite abusive when she turned around and they saw her face.
Coincidentally, Dirtgrain and I happened to write about a similar topic the same day. I have a review of a DVD of quadriplegic singer Teddy Pendergrass' return to live performance up in Music.
Nice work, Dirtgrain; Lots of complex ambiguities in these situations.
Sorta puts the concept of personal "problems" in perspective, too, eh?
One also has to dance with the concept that God might actually be an evil, cruel, merciless motherfucking bastard.
And that so many of us have the luck and luxury to worry about meaningless crap-- while others deal with tragic life and death circumstances that are serious, overwhelming, and monumental.
I don't have real problems. Some teacher used to tell his students, who were complaining about an outfit or a date or a hairdo, that they have "happy problems." He said that those are the kind of problems that you can laugh about years later.
I've lived in Ypsi for 4 years now, and I've seen this man without a face. About a week ago he was intercepting people on their way between Staples on carpenter and their car. As I was pulling up, I saw him notice me and start walking toward my car. I freaked out. I don't know why, and I'm not proud, but I pretended not to see him, and kept driving. I was overcome with fear, as if he was a boogeyman. He has to realize people have this reaction to him, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I don't really know why I'm writing this. Its late and I have to be on campus in the morning.
The man who everyone describes is now sitting in front of Starbuck across from Borders on Liberty in Ann Arbor. His appearance and note about having bone cancer was mentioned to me recently so I went to meet this man. I will admit I gave him 5 bucks after I inquired about his appearance, his living situation and health. However I was bothered by his approach to life and the answers he gave me. As soon as I could I got on line and begin searching for answers. I am so glad to have found this article from another site. It bothers me that he makes his living in such a fashion and apparently chooses to be the person he has now become.
Some local people have left some insightful comments to this piece on my blog: click here to see the entry (scroll down for the comments). I haven't seen him in Ypsilanti lately. Arborland seems to be a place where he begs often. In a way, I don't want to see him ever again. But then I question myself and wonder if I just don't want to confront what seeing him brings out in me, to confront the cruelness that is inside me. It's confusing.
So what are we going to _do_ about this. David Roche's audiences get used to his face in a few moments. We need to figure out how to condition young children, and ourselves, out of the responses we have. Sure, the responses are natural. Lots of drives are natural, and still, they are modified by our education and social training.
I know the man you are speaking about. In my circle of friends we used to call him NoFace. MY friend Joe even wrote a book about the guy.
About 2 years ago I landed a decent job that among many other things, put me in direct associated with the man, providing services and such. We talked a lot 2 winters ago, also rode the bus together quite a bit. I know his brother and sister in law quite well too, in a non-conflict-of-interest kind of way, you know.
One thing i never did understand or dare ask was how or why he keot going. MAybe drug use, alcoholism, anger or just apathy. Like I said, never asked. But its haunted me for a long time, that idea, the image of him.
You would think that talking with him and working with him would make it go away, that gut intinct that horrifies you. Everytime I see him my brain doesnt beleive what its seeing, tried to fix the picture and my eyes get blurry and i get pretty dizzy. Its like a cartoon, or, everything goes technicolor and it scares the fucking piss out of me.
I heard on the street once that if he stopped drinking long enough to get into the hospital they could start repairing the damage, to both his face and his life, but it doesnt appear that he will.
What a sick sad world we live in man, trapped in cages of meat and bone and hiding from the absurdity of it all behind fences and 'stress' and fake problems and television. Fuck God.
peace, -c
I feel sorry for CW... I have seen this man. I have seen many ugly people in the world. The scarriest to me are the ones who you cant see. You look at them and see beauty, but when you get to know them, you see ugliyness which far surpasses Yippie... the man with no face as you refere to him.
Like CW, many often blame God for things we cannot understand. That is pretty ugly. It sows ignorance, and fear.
I am willing to stake my life on the fact that Yippei saved many lives in a round about way. He tried to play God and failed. It is one thing to see him and run away in fear, and quite another to look beyond the mask we all have while we are here to see what we all have to give to each other. To me that is the gift of life, the gift God has given to us. Dont you see, it's all what we make of it... That's all it is.
I actually worked with the doctor who made this man's prosthesis. The doctor told me that this guy goes to great lengths to tell people that he had oral cancer(when it was in fact a failed suicide attempt), and begs people for money to pay for a prosthesis (which he already has) when really it is only to support his drug addiction.
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Great stuff, man.
I've seen a few human monstrosities in my time, and I must sadly admit that my reaction is always "I'm going to extract myself from this situation, ASAP." Not a good feeling, but I believe a pretty universal feeling.
I remember the cruel kids in junior high school who would point and laugh at and mock those sitting at the "retard table" in the lunch room. Looking back, I am disgusted with myself that I laughed along with them (though at least I was decent enough not to actively participate in the public torment).
People are inherently cruel, IMO. We are able to learn, through proper socialization, to behave in a less cruel manner, but we are all doomed to be mean-spirited at our core.
Personally, I blame that darn DNA... :-/