Mr. Reed will introduce VP Cheney--
who will introduce Laura Bush--
who'll read a short excerpt from "The Pet Goat"--
(apparently, that always gets her husband's attention)
--and then she'll introduce President George W. Bush.

PRESIDENT BUSH (wrapped in the flag) is lowered to stage in a golden winged chariot (courtesy Mercedes) drawn by the Four Horses of the Apocalypse (courtesy Budweiser), accompanied by "We Are the Champions" by Queen (courtesy of Clear Channel). He'll open with a prayer (courtesy Southern Baptist Convention), thanking God for appointing him Master of the Universe, (courtesy of Hanna-Barbera) — paying special thanks for the Supreme Court (courtesy of Bush, Sr.) — and beseeching the Lord to protect his brother Jeb and the Diebold programming team from any harm between now and November.

His speech — the culmination of an entire lifetime of intellectual research, accumulated wisdom, and life-experiences — will last, oh... about 2 minutes.

Cue "Movin' On Up" theme from the "The Jeffersons" to be blasted over the sound system.

Cue red, white, and blue balloons to fall from ceiling like acid rain.

Bring out the families.

(Note: keep that Cheney dyke off camera if possible. Put her and the Bush twins near the back (remember the "tongue sticking-out episode"?), but not TOO near each other; the dyke might remember the "tongue episode" too! — and you know how those lebians are: they can't breed, so they recruit!)

(Hopefully, audience tries to clap in time to "Movin' On Up" music.)

Cue Diamond-Vision collage of Kennedy-Zapruder film, Robert Kennedy lying on floor in California hotel kitchen, National Guard attack at Kent State, Martin Luther King lying dead on hotel balcony — mixed with extreme close-up of smiling images of Bush, Cabinet members, Supreme Court Justices, and Katherine Harris (courtesy Tammy Faye Bakker Cosmetics Corp).

Diamond-Vision screen: Dissolve to new BUSH/GOP campaign slogan:

"You're Either With Us or Against Us"