Almost Live Convention Analysis
Published July 30, 2004
10:31 pm - We are closing firehouses here? Why? They never seem to catch on fire. When is the last time you have heard of a firehouse burning down? I think everyone should live in firehouses.
10:42 pm - Shit. he's talking about economics... that means math. I start zoning... Hey, did I mention I got one of those Kerry Giant Wavy stick things? Yep. I rock. It's too bad they don't give out stick things at hockey games. I whacked the Michigan Lady with it and then handed it to Canadian Girl. I said to the Michigan Lady "Look! It was her. She wants the U.P. back!"
10:48 pm - Kerry says something about "drugs" and "Canada." I ask Canadian Girl if she has any and, by the way, where the hell is her "Canucks for Kerry" placard?
10:52 pm - Kerry promises more jobs. The crowd chants "Help is on the way." Help must die. I don't want to go back to work!
10:56 pm - Johnny references Abe Lincoln. Good, No one ever references John Wilkes Booth. Referencing Boooth would be like having a hole in your head.
10:58 pm - He's done. Balloons are on the way!
11:00 pm - Balloons are on the way!
11:01 pm - Balloons are on the way!
11:04 pm - Balloons are on the way?
11:06 pm - Balloon! Balloon! Balloon! I see a balloon!
11:08 pm - More balloons and now confetti. I swear they are playing Van Hagar! Good thing I didn't smoke with Willie.
11:11 pm - I try to catch confetti on my tongue. I succeed. It tastes bad. Canadian Girl says that it's probably not the edible kind. Man, they have all the good stuff in Canada.
11:15 pm - Michigan Lady says "Goodbye!"" I stick her with the Planned Parenthood button one more time and tell her Michael Moore is fat.
11:20 pm - Time to go. I step over balloons and confetti. Boy oh Boy! Kerry works fast. He promised new jobs and here they are. Some one has to clean up this mess.
* Many thanks to F.O.J. (Friend of John) Traci Anderson for sneaking me in! Thanks to Cole for the confetti pic.
** Brian does this sort of crap daily at www.brianlewandowski.com. You can buy his books there and generally just waste some time.
- Almost Live Convention Analysis
- Published: July 30, 2004
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- Section: Culture
- Writer: Brian Lewandowski
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absolutely, thanks Brian, exceptional stuff direct from the heart of darkness
The work to prepare Pepsi Center for the Democratic National Convention is expected to cost $15 million. In addition, a 220,000 sq. ft. temporary building to be used by the media will be built adjacent to Pepsi Center. [12]
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Seriously, I think that may be the most beautiful, accurate, and thoughtful account of any political convention I have ever read.